Person Of The Year

Congratulations!

According to Time Magazine, due out at newsstands today, you have been selected as their "Person Of The Year." Not sure if I'm serious? Can't believe you are finally being recognized for all you do? Check it out.

Over the years, this coveted honor has been bestowed upon some of the most influential people in the world. Last year, I believe it was shared by Bill and Melinda Gates, and Bono. But now it's your turn. And you've earned it. Oh, how you have earned it!

Just imagine the pride I feel knowing that Time's Person Of The Year reads my blog!* Thank you for spending a few of your very important moments here with me, congratulations again, and good luck on continuing to impact the world around you in a very meaningful way!

*Time's Person Of The Year also writes my blog! Where does he find the time?

Myria-Madness

The ZiggyBackRide is approaching the fourth power! We are within days, maybe hours, of our 10,000th visitor and the whole team here (me) couldn't be more excited!

In honor of this approaching milestone, our staff (still me) did a little research into the number 10,000 and found out that the corresponding metric prefix is myria. Kilo is 1,000. Mega is 1,000,000. Hectokilo is 100,000. Evidently, in the scientific world, myria and hectokilo are considered obsolete - several sites did not even list these two.

Some so-called scientists may consider myria (or 10 to the 4th power) inconsequential, but I assure you that within ZiggyBackRide's science department, of which I am the chair, there is no less than 100% agreement that myria is as pertinent now as it ever was.

As always, we'll want to know who the milestone visitor is, so if the visitor counter says 10,000, leave a comment and stake your claim to the fame and valuable prizes* that will most surely accompany that accomplishment. Thank you for your continued presence here on "the Ride" and good luck!

*I have often promised prizes to our milestone visitors, and sometimes I have delivered. This is 10,000 though! So I'm really, really promising and really, really might deliver!

The Purple Rose

I'm back. It occurs to me that you may not know I left. I did. And I'm back.

I left this morning, found myself in four different states, gave a comedy performance, and am back home. This marks the first time I have ever been in four states in one day while ending up in the same place I started. Epic. Kind of.

My show was in Cairo, IL (pronounced kayroh ilinoy - that was more for the Cairo part than the IL part!) at the Elks Lodge over lunch for the Municipal Gas Workers Safety Association Number 3. I know, right! How ever did I land such a sweet gig?!? Just luck, I guess. I should probably buy lottery tickets.

Cairo is a small town. Very small. I knew of it from Huck Finn - I'm pretty sure it was one of the stops during Huck's and Jim's big river trip (which I have always dreamed of recreating, but that's for another time). When I got to the town, an hour or so before my show, I began to worry that I was not going to be well-received (I even worried a little that I wouldn't make it out alive, but really only a little bit). I'm a city boy with city humor and I have been rebuffed by small-town comedy crowds before. In the end, though, the show went fine and the very hard workers for whom I performed at their association's Christmas luncheon were very nice and receptive. I enjoyed being with them.

I saw a number of interesting (I tend to throw that term around rather loosely!) things over the course of my journey. I passed a town called Cooter, MO. That's all. I just liked that there's a town with that name. Its residents live in Cooter. I passed through New Madrid, MO. That town shares its name with the tectonic fault along which it lies and is likely to be very near the epicenter for "the big one" - the big ol' earthquake that seems to be an eventual certainty for the Memphis area. The fault was the source of an earthquake in 1811 that is said to have caused the Mississippi River to flow backward and church bells to ring as far away as Philadelphia, PA. (Ben, that could be a reason not to move to Memphis, but do not let our mayor's boxing match against retired champ Joe Frazier dissuade you!)

Just before leaving Missouri for Illinois, I passed signs for Fish Lake. I don't know if that's a clever nickname or if this body of water's most unique feature is that it contains fish. A few miles later, just off the interstate a few miles outside of Cairo, I passed a sign that said "Future City." I didn't get a chance to ask anyone in Cairo whether that is the name of the town or if it is marking the site of a city-to-be. I am inclined to think that it's the name of a town, but I can assure you that it did not even look like a present city, let alone what I picture as a Future City. If that's the future, I wouldn't feel any need to hang around.

That's it for Michael Ziggy Danziger's Bluff City to the Tiny Town Stand-Up Comedy Extravaganza 2006, or the MZDBCTTSUCE06, as I like to call it. It was a hell of a day!

Tirades and Turkeys

Happy belated Thanksgiving to you! I hope your day and weekend were wonderful, and that the coming days and months will be filled with blessings for which you can be grateful everyday. As for me, I am thankful for you!

In other news, I'm a Seinfeld fan and a stand-up comic. That combination has inspired people to make numerous comments - too many to count - to me about Michael Richards's racial tirade in a recent stand-up performance. Everyone thinks it's clever to ask if I ever do that (and if you read this blog, it is clever. Very clever!). I don't. I won't. It's not comedy and it's not okay.

I feared, in the aftermath of Kramer's naughty night, that Seinfeld would be tainted; that the show I so love would have been knocked down a couple of rungs into the realm of mortal television programming. Now I know, those fears are unfounded.

As I write, I am watching "The Puffy Shirt." It's the episode in which Kramer's "low-talking" girlfriend gets Jerry to wear her new puffy style shirt on the Today show. It is as hilarious as ever and makes me proud of the picture of the shirt - taken by me at the Smithsonian Museum of American History - that appears, along with a quote from the show, on my comedy website www.laughwithziggy.com.

The picture stays and the show is hilarious. And still... I don't wanna be a pirate!

Stolen For The Common Good

This is reprinted from the blog (http://unshelvingbeth.blogspot.com) of a good friend and regular ZiggyBackRide visitor. I'm proud of her for writing it and proud to post it for you here....


Thursday, November 09, 2006

Darfur: Your Obligation

Yesterday I participated in a Fast for Darfur Awareness, then attended a break-the-fast meal, where a Stop Genocide activist showed us some film clips from the refugee camps in Chad and gave us an overview of the current situation. He told us of the choiceless choices refugee families face when they need to send someone to retrieve water or firewood: send your son, who might be killed, or your daughter, who will likely be raped. He told us that the number "400,000 dead" was the official calculation in 2004 - and there has been no updated calculation, so the number is probably far greater than that. He told us about the fact that when Bush first took office, Sudanese Arabs were killing Sudanese Christians in a North-South conflict, and the Christian Right leaned on Bush, who leaned on Sudan -- and those killings ceased. The United States does have the power to make a difference, and as its citizens, we are the ones who must call for action.

The speaker ended his presentation with some stark and challenging questions:"If you had all the information you currently possess about what happened during the Holocaust, and armed with that information you could go back to the early 1930s and have the opportunity to DO something... what would you do? If you had all the information we currently have about the horrors in Rwanda, and you could go back to the early 1990s, what would you do? We HAVE the information, NOW, about what's going on in Darfur. What are you going to do?"

It's so easy to do nothing... but it is also wrong. It doesn't matter that the Darfurians are far away. It doesn't matter that they speak another language. It doesn't matter that their lives seem so different from ours.DO SOMETHING.Having read this blog, you are now obligated to DO SOMETHING, RIGHT NOW. Put in a call to your senator (the Democratic takeover is a fantastic time of shake-down and transition as far as pushing forward an agenda item like this), send a postcard to George W. Bush or Kofi Annan, sign an email petition, make a donation to Doctors without Borders, re-post this call to action on your own blog, educate yourself about the issue - but do something. Here are some websites to get you started:

Stop Genocide Now
Save Darfur
Doctors Without Borders
AJWS-Darfur Action

The ZiggyBackRide Jinx???

Oh dear Lord, what have I done?

On Saturday, I sang the praises of Colt McCoy, quarterback for The University of Texas Longhorns, showing a chart of statistics that compares him very favorably against the quarterbacks* of other top 10 teams. A few hours later, Colt McCoy was knocked out of the Texas game during the first quarter with an injury, and Texas lost to Kansas State. The Longhorns are no longer a top 10 team.

There has long been talk of the Sports Illustrated cover jinx, with athletes and teams that appear on the cover often following up the appearance with a slump, an off-week, a loss, etc. Does this site have the same power? Will people talk about ZBR jinx and hope not to be mentioned here? Only time will tell. For now, though, I will sure be careful about using names and you can rest assured, that if you see someone's name in a post, I don't give a damn what happens to them!

Have a nice day!

* My fear that I was the undoing of Colt and of the Longhorn season is allayed, somewhat, by the realization that the quarterback chart listed 9 other quarterbacks who, I believe, made it through the day uninjured, though several of their teams did lose. It's iffy, but with stitions as super as mine (see post from 10/22/06), you can't be too careful.

Aw, Shucks...

Have you seen this?

"Cream Of The Crop"
Stats of the starting quarterbacks for the nation's Top-10 teams

Player Comp.% Yards TDs INTs
Colt McCoy, Texas 69.1 2,051 27 4
Pat White, WVU 68.1 1,044 6 5
Troy Smith, OSU 66.7 2,006 22 3
Nate Longshore, Cal 64.5 2,143 20 7
Brady Quinn, ND 63.9 2,579 25 4
Brandon Cox, Auburn 63.8 1,915 11 5
Brian Brohm, Lou.* 63.0 1,623 5 3
Chris Leak, Florida 62.8 1,903 17 10
John D. Booty, USC 62.6 1,966 19 5
Chad Henne, Mich. 61.2 1,773 16 6
* -- missed two games


Reprinted and reformatted without permission from CNNSI.com

An Electoral Reflectoral

Big times in American politics! A "thumpin'" was handed out by voters as the Democratic Party (or, as President Bush- likely recalling the same vocabulary lessons during which he learned the word nucular - calls it, the Democrat Party) took control of the U.S. House of Representatives and, evidently, the Senate. In general, the political team here at Ziggybackride is pleased with the outcome. The results in Tennessee, the 'ride's home state, leave a great deal to be desired, though.

Even as the rest of the country saw shifts in voters' choices and, often, in the parties that hold various seats, my state refused to participate. We passed over a dynamic, capable, young political star, instead filling a vacant Senate seat with a man I fear will be a mediocre defendant of the status quo. I hope I am wrong, but it doesn't happen often.

Receiving much less press than the Senate race, but striking me as much more troubling and embarrassing was the state vote on an amendment to "defend marriage." I was surprised, going into election day, that I had not seen more of a campaign on both sides of this proposal to ban gay marriage here and to void any such marriage allowed by another state. As the numbers came back, it became clear why there had been no campaign. It was a landslide of disturbing proportions, as the amendment passed by about a 4 to 1 margin.

Imagine how excited I am to know that if I should choose to marry here one day, my marriage will be safe - nobly and ably defended by the Great State of Tennessee. I would hate to have entered into a holy union without full knowledge that the state would be a key player. Now I can rest easy!

Shame on my fellow citizens who voted in favor of this amendment, no matter the reason for their vote. Whether the reason was outright bigotry and homophobia, or a lack of faith in the institution of marriage (which, as I understand it, has been around since even before this state), or simply the misguided notion that state government is where such things are sanctified, the amendment and the support that it received are shameful. Shameful, too, is the fact that state legislators, working on my behalf, spent time, effort, and public resources to ensure that this prejudicial nonsense appeared on the ballot.

While all of the attention is on numbers of seats and the immediate future in a different political landscape, I believe (and fear) that the criteria by which we will be judged now and in the future, and with which we define our character as a society includes, far more prominently than numerical facts, the statements we make on issues like this one. I hope this is us at our lowest.

Election day is over, but our job is not done. We've hired our public servants for the coming years, but we must be diligent supervisors. We must be aware of what our employees in Washington are doing on our time and on our dime. We need them to be good and they need us to show them how. Get to work, America.

Mechanical Formality Correlation Theorem

This morning, I saw a limousine parked by the side of the road with its hood open. There were several men wearing coats and ties poking around under there. I was not previously aware that fancy automobiles required such fancy mechanics. Perhaps all vehicles would benefit from the care of technicians who dressed in a manner consistent with the style and intended use of the vehicle.

Hmmm...

Yes! Yes! That IS my theory. What does that mean, though, for a purplish (technically Raisin Pearl) Honda Accord that houses a lot of paperwork, old costumes, a cowboy hat, and a telescoping fork?

Baseball Is Dirty

A lump of dirt? A LUMP OF DIRT?!?*

*This refers to Detroit Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers' explanation for the foreign substance on his hand in the 1st inning of Game 2 of the World Series last night. It didn't look like it was dirt. Also, Kenny had the same "dirt" on his hands when he pitched against the Yankees in the ALDS and against the A's in the ALCS. Kenny should look into washing his hands more often.

As for whether this is cheating: the short answer... probably. The longer answer... pppprrrooobbbaaabbblllyy. This may be common practice, but there is some lying going on ("it was a lump of dirt," among others, like the claim that the umpires didn't say anything to him about it) and that makes it all stink. It's slightly comforting that once the dirt (or pine tar, for short) was removed, he still pitched very well. But only slightly.

Hey baseball players, ummm... STOP CHEATING!!!

My Stitions ARE Super!

I have written many times about the various measures I take to ensure victory for the Texas Longhorn football team. I do it for other teams, too. During the 2000 playoffs, I began watching Yankees post-season games with a blue "victory" candle burning. That was such a success, I now have a burnt orange candle that often burns during Texas games (and gives off a delightful pumpkin pie scent!).

Faithful Ziggybackriders may find this hard to believe, but sometimes I question the effectiveness (but never the sanity) and necessity of these little traditions of mine. I wonder whether orange foods consumed by a Texas fan in Germantown, Tennessee really help the Horns. Sometimes I think, "maybe this is all a little bit silly."

Never again.

College football fans certainly know about yesterday's Texas-Nebraska game - a key win for Texas. What they don't know is that I (and also maybe Greg Davis, the UT offensive coordinator) almost ruined it.

When the game began, I was watching at home: Longhorn Band playing in iTunes, pumpkin pie candle blazing, football in hand, Diet Sunkist soda and Reduced Fat Cheez-its available close by. It was off to a good start. By halftime, the 'Horns were leading and appeared to be in control of things. A friend called and invited me over to watch the 2nd half and have lunch. I accepted. I extinguished the candle, put down the ball, grabbed some Diet Rite tangerine soda for the road (I didn't want to be overly confident), and left.

In the second half, Nebraska crept back into the game. It was getting dicey. I began to think, "maybe I should go back home. Maybe coming over here wasn't such a good idea." But then I thought the better of it, "Naaahh. We're going to be fine. I've done my job."

As the fourth quarter progressed, though, and as the cold Nebraska snow began to fall, the Cornhuskers took the lead, leaving the Texas empire with little time to strike back. Now I was really wishing I were back home, doing everything I could, but didn't want to miss any of the action. Texas failed to convert a first down and had to punt the ball away. Now Nebraska could try to run out the clock and put the game away. I had had enough.

I grabbed my belongings (cell phone, keys, one extra can of the tangerine stuff), ran out to my car, jumped in, and drove quickly (and maybe a little recklessly, but luckily wrecklessly) home. I rushed into my house, turned on the tv, lit the candle, picked up the football, and within 10 seconds, the Texas defense had caused a fumble and recovered it, giving the 'Horns another shot.

Freshman quarterback Colt McCoy promptly led the team down the field, into position for a field goal attempt, which was successful, giving Texas the victory. I almost blew it. Thankfully, I was able to get back to the fundamentals and do the things that have gotten us this far. My apologies to Longhorn faithful for the scare.

The Importance of Believing in Overacting

On June 11, 2004, I posted an entry on this very blog entitled "The Importance of Being a Movie Star." That little stop on this exciting ride was dedicated to the beginning of filming of a feature-length independent film entitled "The Importance of Being Russell" that I was in. In that post, I expressed some doubt as to whether that picture would ever make it to screen.

I should have believed then. I do now.

Last night at the Muvico 22 at Peabody Place, Memphis' bustling downtown entertainment development, I saw it. On a big screen. In a real theater. Where you had to buy a ticket and everything.

I was in the movie for about five seconds or so during a climactic scene. I can be clearly seen, clearly overacting. It's very funny. Like the video of my laughless comedy performance at the South Street Comedy Club in Jackson, TN, this will make a hilarious clip to watch on talk shows when I'm ultra-famous, which I'm sure will be ultra-soon.

All in all, the movie - a joint project of Paradox Productions and Pickle TV - was well done and very entertaining. Hopefully, I'll be able to get my hands on a copy of it soon. Ultra-soon. For now, though, you can find out all about the movie, see production photos, and even watch a trailer at www.russellmovie.com.

If You Want A Little Zing In Your Zang Zang...

... watch TBS tonight at 7 eastern/6 central for the greatest television sandwich (pronounced sammich) ever.

All Times CST (because Eastern time is just no damn good for t.v.):
6:00 p.m. - College Football: Baylor at Texas
9:30 p.m. - "Tommy Boy" starring Chris Farley and David Spade
11:30 p.m. - College Football: Baylor at Texas (previously recorded)
2:45 a.m. - Interstitial Programming (I don't know what this is, but it's got to be good in this line-up!)

Hats off to the fine folks at the Turner family of networks for this brilliant piece of scheduling! Much, much better than the scheduling troubles I encountered last Saturday (see post).

The title of this post comes from the deep and meaningful lyrics of the College Gameday theme song, performed by your favorite artists and mine, Big and Rich with Cowboy Troy. How this song escaped Grammy-level recognition, I will never know.

Living In The Past

It is one year since my late-night, double flat tire adventure in the parking lot of a local Kroger supermarket. Time has passed and wounds have healed, but it's still a hell of a story. You should check out the "Without A Car In The World" post from October 11th of 2005 and enjoy. How's that for resting on your blogging laurels? Lame.

In other Living-in-the-Past news, how about these baseball playoffs? The Detroit Tigers, the Oakland A's, the St. Louis Cardinals, and the New York Mets. Welcome to the mid-to-late 80's everyone! It takes me back. I remember game 6 of the '86 World Series when, on the brink of closing it out, the Red Sox blew the game on an easy-out error and went on to lose the Series to the Mets. That same night, I spent the night at a friend's house and lost 6 teeth. Six teeth!! In one night!!! I was wearing an orthodontic device that finally shoved all my remaining baby teeth out. At once. What a night!

Speaking of the playoffs, my Yankees are out again. It sucks that they completely crumbled, but I think they have made me and every other non-New Yorker Yankee fan free to like the team as much as we want. What do I mean? Allow me to explain...

Whenever it comes up that I like the Yankees, fans of other teams look at me like I have disgusted them and say something like, "The YANKEES? How can you like them? They just buy up all the talent. It's not fair. They are evil!" (I don't think people give this reaction to New Yorkers who are fans. Yankee-haters realize it is natural for them to like the team from their city. And they are afraid the New Yorkers will mug them.)

First of all, if you don't like it, write a letter to the MLB and get them to change the rules. At the moment, everything the Yanks do is completely legal and, if they have the means, they should do everything possible to be competitive. (If you are going to write that letter, by the way, also ask them to standardize field design and size. It makes no sense that fielders have to cover more space in some stadia* than others and that homeruns in some cities are outs in others.)

Now, the Yankees have lost - in grand style, I might add - each of the last six years. They are clearly not tearing everyone else apart. They clearly have not ruined Major League Baseball's competition. The playing field, while not standardized (see parenthetical tirade above), seems to be level. Except, of course, for the Devil Rays. (Sorry Mom and Dad!)

So I don't want to hear it any more. I am a fan of the New York Yankees. They are America's team. They are pride, power, and pinstripes. They are 26-time world champions and, even though they've tried their best to ruin the Greatest Sports Year Ever, they will be back.

*I took Latin for 3 years in high school. I don't recommend doing that, by the way, but I believe stadia might be the proper plural form of stadium. Explaining this would get me beaten up in the Bronx (proper Latin plural for the Bronk). Or maybe mugged.

Up Against It

I have, many times since the Texas Longhorns won the college football national championship at the Rose Bowl some 10 months ago, called 2006 the greatest sports year ever. Shortly after the 'Horns took home the crystal football, the Pittsburgh Steelers, my favorite NFL team, won a surprising 5th Super Bowl. The year was rolling. Since then, great teams have met with success, but not championships. Teams like the Memphis Tigers and Texas Longhorns basketball teams, both of whom had a legitimate shot at going all the way, but were knocked out in the Elite 8 round of the NCAA tournament. (For the record, a run to the Elite 8 is outstanding. It was only disappointing because it didn't have to end there and because it wasn't supposed to, as this is the greatest sports year ever.)

Next came Longhorn Baseball, a perennial threat to win the College World Series. The bat-swingin' 'Horns spent some time ranked at the top this season and had the look of a potential champion. They did not make the College World Series. But, I thought, this is supposed to be the greatest sports year ever! Still, two championships is pretty great.

But now, what have you done for me lately, sports year? Nine months since a championship. But things can get back on track today. Texas plays Oklahoma. That, in any sports year, is huge to me. (See "Red River Rockin' and Rollin'" post from October of 2005) That's not all, though. My best chance for a third favorite team to win a championship* rests with the New York Yankees, a powerhouse of baseball team picked by many to win it all. Today, they face elimination in their Divisional Series against the pesky, upstart** Detroit Tigers. The Yankees, and their batting order of nine players who've all been all-stars must come through today to save their season, and mine where baseball is concerned.

It's going to be a great day! I'm off to eat orange and get ready to cheer on the Longhorns. Hook 'em!

* Right behind the Yankees, as a preferred team to win it all, is the Michigan Wolverines football team. Undefeated so far, they have a chance to win the championship that Texas won last season. Make no mistake, I want Texas to be the national champion... every year. But if they can't (they still can, but it's shaky), Michigan is option #2, which brings us to a bit of poor scheduling by my friends at the television networks. Texas plays Oklahoma at 2:30. The Yankees play the Tigers at 3:00, and Michigan plays Michigan State at 3:30. If each game were 30 minutes long, that would be perfect. They are not.

** There is no more annoying way to hear your genuinely good team referred to than as pesky upstarts. It's like when you're mad at something as a kid and seemingly every adult present looks at you, cocks his head and says to others as though you can't hear, "Somebody's tired." Man, that used to piss me off. And I'm not just saying that because I'm tired! Sorry Tiger fans. (I'm not really sorry.)

In Good Company

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes has been released. It's out there, Jerry, and it's lllovin' every minute of it! The book, from Penguin Press and edited by Larry Getlen, contains jokes and tips on humor from many, many comedians and I'm proud to be one of them.

Sometime last year, I received a notice about submitting jokes for this project, so I sent in a list. Several months later, it occurred to me that I had not heard anything and I assumed either the book was no longer forthcoming or that my material had not been selected. Days later, I received an email telling me that both of my assumptions were wrong.

That was all the info I got, though, save the release date and some ideas for promoting the book upon its arrival. I didn't know which of my submissions, or how many of them, had been selected. Finally, I know and, oddly, the two that were selected are two of my only jokes that contain profanity. My stuff had to be c*&sored! I'm in there with all these other
comed#%ns* whom I have heard tell some of the raunchiest, most offensive (yet still funny) jokes ever, and I look like the dirty one!

Speaking of the other comedians, though, each submitting comic has a little bio in the back of the book. Mine** is wedged right in between Rodney Dangerfield and Ellen DeGeneres. I can live with that! Of course it just because they are in alphabetical order, but still!

There's a lot of funny stuff in the b$^k and I recommend checking it out.

* Each of my submissions contains a word in which symbols had to be substituted for letters. I've always loved the idea that that makes the word cleaner. Like it's not the meaning and intent that makes a word bad, it's just the letters and their order within the word that people find offensive!

** My bio contains the address of this site, too, so let's get ready to welcome some new folks onto the 'Ride!

Dumb As Bricks

I jinxed myself. I just had to get on the Ziggybackride blabbing about my great games of BrickBreaker! I finished the last post and promptly lost my two lives and the game ended at a mere 11,675. The beauty of BrickBreaker, though, is that there's always another incredibly long waste of time waiting behind the "New Game" button. Regular Ziggybackrider, Julie, mentioned in the comment section of the last post that she has spent an "embarrassing" amount of time playing a similar game.

I know embarrassment. I've worked with embarrassment. That's not embarrassing.

Yesterday, a co-worker and I were getting into another co-worker's car to go to lunch. Being the gentleman that I like to pretend to be, I offered my co-worker the front seat and promptly opened the passenger-side door. I began tinkering with the front passenger seat to make it slide forward so that I could climb into the back.

For some reason, I could not make it move and there's no way I can climb into the backseat of a two-door without moving the front seat forward. I worked on it for about 10 or 15 seconds and heard the driver, who was already in the car, laughing.

I was about to ask him the trick, but then I figured it out just before he had to tell me. The trick was to open the back door. The car was not, is not, and never was a two-door car. We all had a hearty chuckle.

I'm getting dumber by the minute. Damn you, BrickBreaker!

Tear Down The Walls

I love BrickBreaker*. It's the game that comes on my Blackberry and it's the advanced handheld device's greatest feature. Can a cell phone game be considered a hobby? I hope so. Otherwise, I have a new occupation.

Last night, I got my highest score ever. Ready? 15,710! I got to level 31 out of a possible 34. I've got to see those other three! My previous high was in the 13,000's and before that 11-something. I have 11,505 in my current paused game with 2 lives left. Will a new record be set? Stay tuned....

(That's right! A cliffhanger! We haven't had one of these in a while! See you soon.)

*I will never love any cell phone game as much as I loved Snake on my original Zach Morris-sized Nokia back in the SunCom days. I still have the phone. Just for Snake and for occasional use as a travel alarm. But mostly, just for Snake.

Too Soon

The world has lost a great conservationist, entertainer, and character in Steve Irwin, a.k.a. The Crocodile Hunter. He was killed by a stingray while filming a television special in his native Australia. He was 44 years old. My heart goes out to his family and to all of his fans everywhere.

There has been a great deal of coverage on what news outlets the world over are calling a shocking development. I'm surprised. Not that there's a lot of coverage. Surprised that it could be considered by anyone to be shocking. Sad, definitely. Sudden, certainly. But shocking?

Let's see... a man who routinely engaged crocodiles and other dangerous, wild animals... killed by a wild animal? Hmmm.... Now, if he had been gunned down... or hit by a bus... or crushed by a piano falling from the sky. Those things would have been shocking! This? Just sad.

Calling this shocking would be like calling the tiger attack on Sigfried or Roy (I can never remember which one it was!) shocking. The guy was playing WITH A TIGER! "But those tigers are trained," shocked fans and friends always pointed out. I'm pretty well trained to pee into a toilet, but if you think I never get a little on the seat, you're sadly mistaken. In other words, you can lead a tiger to the toilet, but you can't make him not attack strange, flamboyant entertainers.

Mother Nature is very powerful, indeed. I don't recommend getting too fresh with her. Unless, perchance, you are Chuck Norris. Now that's a fight I'd pay to see.

Preseason Conditioning

Greetings! I hope you have had a great week. Mine has been good. I am, however somewhat troubled by the ease with which we can be conditioned to accept things we don't like. It is about 85 degrees in Memphis today. Everyone is talking about how cool it is.* I bought gas yesterday. It cost $2.59 a gallon. I was excited about what a great deal I was getting.

It's okay, though. I'm able to pay extra for gas and air conditioning because, presumably in honor of the start of the Texas Longhorns' football season tomorrow, my neighborhood grocery store has put Diet Sunkist and Diet Rite Tangerine - my two favorite appropriately colored game day beverages - on sale. Let's go Krogering!

Longhorn Football 2006 begins in 17 hours and 21 minutes. Hook 'em Horns!!!

* 85 is still pretty hot.

Not So Fast, My Friend!

College GameDay is on!!!

It's time!!! Well, it's almost time. This is their preview special, but college football is here!

I started writing this post a few minutes ago and was going on to tell you what I like to call the Greatest Sports Story Ever Written: The story of the Memphis/Columbus/Raleigh 13 and 14 year-old Jewish flag football machine. But my computer went off line and it was lost. Not so fast, my friend.

I'll be back with that story soon. You will get to hear it and you will love it.

I just saw my first Under Armour commercial of the new college football season!

WE MUST PROTECT THIS RIDE!

ZiggyBackRide: Beating Inertia; Rolling Again!

Good morning! I'm thrilled to see that the last post - my first in a good, long while - has sparked discussion. In response to the latest comments...

David, fine points all. No problem with your bringing your work onto the ZiggyBackRide. We all want this to be as accurate and informative as possible. Thank you for helping uphold the high standards of data presentation that our readers have rightly come to expect.

Zina, good question. I wasn't actually reading Parenting Magazine. The survey was reprinted as a daily cover story on AOL. I guess I can see how the mental picture of me sitting at home catching up on my stack of Parentings might have caused an eyebrow or two to raise.

I still have a number of items from the last several weeks to write more about, including the improbable and glorious bronze medal run of my 13-14 year old Jewish Flag Football team at the JCCA Maccabi Games in Phoenix last week. Look for that story later this weekend!

Have a great day!

Interesting, No?

The following is reprinted from a survey in Parenting Magazine....

How often moms say they want to have sex...
At least a few times a week: 85%
Once every few weeks: 8%
Once a month or less: 7%

... And how often they think they'd have it if their husbands called the shots:
At least a few times a week: 85%
Once every few weeks: 8%
Once a month or less: 7%

What do you have to say for yourselves, ladies? Time to listen to the fellas, is it?

The Nexus of the Universe?

This morning, I saw two police cars run the same red light, going in different directions. Neither of them had its flashing lights on. Hmmm.

Sorry I've been AWOL recently. A lot has been going on. My life has been occupied with Jewish flag football, duplexes (dupleces? like indeces? I don't know.), burglaries, and more! Boy, do I have a lot to tell you. I'll get on it. Have a good weekend.

The Balls Of The Bell

America has a weight problem. The so-called "battle of the bulge," our nations struggle with the increasing occurrence of obesity is well-documented. I, myself, could stand to lose 5 or... 20 pounds. It's a serious issue, but things are changing. Schools are removing sugary sodas and fat-laden salty snacks from vending machines. MacDonald's is making "healthy" salads (I've heard they still have large amounts of fat in them... somehow, but still!). Salads. At MacDonald's. Inconceivable! Everyone is in on the fight.

Almost.

Taco Bell has recently unveiled a new advertising campaign that seems to fly in the face of efforts to help slim our collective waistline. What is the Bell's new approach? Fourth Meal. Fourth Meal! They are encouraging us to eat a fourth meal. According to the fine folks at Taco Bell, "After you've eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it's time for the fourth meal. That's right, America! Drag your fat ass on over at 2 a.m. for a Crunchy Baja Gordita Supreme!"

I love Taco Bell, but aside from being nothing short of ballsy, I find this a little bit sinister. Is it just because you see things differently when you think outside the bun or is this part of some evil plan? They're like the wicked witch trying to make sure we are properly plump before she cooks us.

I'd strongly recommend leaving a trail of bread crumbs next time you go South of the Border.

Wis Wiverty And Justins For All

As I recall, that's the way my oldest niece pronounced the final words of the Pledge of Allegiance as she proudly recited her newly learned words of patriotism in her first days of preschool. It was pretty damn cute. For the record, she has since gotten much better at pronouncing those and many, many other words.

Just a quick 4th of July shout out to all who read Ziggybackride before the 5th is upon us. The idea of a blog doesn't seem like a very big one, but free expression and the unstoppable expansion of available channels for it are very big ideas, indeed. The freedom to share ideas - even ridiculously inane ones (see Posts 1 through 131) - is one fantastic part of what this day, now ending, celebrates. I'm honored to share this magnificent ride with you and blessed to be free to do so.

Many are quick to point out America's imperfections. We have them, no doubt, and we always will. That's the nature of living in a place where new ideas, dissenting opinions, and hundreds of millions of voices can be heard. Our imperfections are frustrating, but their source is our very beauty. Our freedom and potential to achieve greatness lie right in the middle of our struggles. We are never far from a disastrous turn that could lead to tragedy, nor are we ever far from an historic moment of greatness. That is the difficult beauty of America.

You know how I love to share the words of the Presidents....

"A strong nation, like a strong person, can afford to be gentle, firm, thoughtful, and restrained. It can afford to extend a helping hand to others. It's a weak nation, like a weak person, that must behave with bluster and boasting and rashness and other signs of insecurity."
- Jimmy Carter

Here's to being a strong people in a strong nation and leaving our insecurities behind, and here's to another year of wiverty and justins for all!

Don't Fret

I'm alive! I have not been writing, but it is not because some terrible fate has befallen me. I have just been half busy, half lazy, and half procrastinatory (and I suppose yet one more half... bad at fractions). Busy with work - on the real estate front, mostly, but also lots of nights at Memphis's great new comedy club, Comedy,TN - and travel to the wedding of a good friend. Lazy with, well... nothing. That's just how laziness works, I guess. And procrastinatory with things that I see and experience that I want to tell you about, but figure, "Well, I'll just gather a few more thoughts and then write them all together. You know... later."

What sorts of things have I seen? I'll tell you. I saw comedian Todd Barry perform in Memphis. You may have seen him on Comedy Central. Or somewhere else. He was quite funny, though he didn't do my favorite bit - probably becuse it's old - that I've seen of his in which he makes fun of a musical presentation on an awards show that featured Guns 'N' Roses playing with a symphony orchestra. The orchestra is using sheet music. Guns 'N' Roses is not. He does a great job of making that sound just as stupid as it is. Speaking of strange musical performances, sharing the stage with Todd was a local musical duo, one of whom played... the saw. He was playing a saw - with which you might cut a piece of wood - with a violin bow. It was hauntingly beautiful and incredibly strange. Even stranger was that no one else in the crowded establishment seemed to think anything of it. I was flabbergasted. The rest of the crowd was not gasted in any manner, whatsoever. What I still can't figure out is why the saw didn't cut through the strings on the bow. We'll save that for another time, though.

All else is well. I'll report on the wedding weekend just past later, and I'll close by sharing with you the fantastic news that I am now wearing two shoes. Normally not a big accomplishment, I know, but I was wearing the "I'm a brittle old man and I broke a bone in my foot doing nothing" boot for most of the last six weeks. It's good to be back in matching footwear!

Opening Day, Opening Night, and an Etymological Query

This week saw some exciting beginnings. Wednesday was opening day at the URJ Henry S. Jacobs Camp in Utica, MS. I spent many - very many - a summer there as a camper and staff member, and was there as a "staff brat" prior to my camper years and as a "visiting professional" since my staff tenure came to an end. If I don't make it there during this summer's sessions, it will be the first time since around 1976 or '77 that I haven't been there during the season. At present, I have no concrete plans to visit. We'll see.

Even though I am no longer there, though, I still feel "it" on opening day. It's similar to how I still have a weird little feeling in my gut on the first and last day of school, though I am no longer on a school schedule, myself. Anyone who ever passed through the gates of my camp - or probably any other - on opening day is likely to have vivid memories of that excited, nervous feeling of wondering who your counselors would be, who would be in your cabin, would you be in time to pick a good bed, etc. Camp is a special thing. I feel for those who never had the experience and I expect I'll always know deep down when it's opening day.

In other news, Comedy,Tennessee, Memphis' new comedy club opened it's permanent location this week. Wednesday night was a soft opening for comics, friends of the club, sponsors and the like. Thursday night was the grand opening. I was privileged to perform there that night, opening for headliner, J. Scott Homan, whom I have now seen 5 times (3 in the last two days) and who entertains me greatly every time. I also performed at the early show Friday night. I have yet to have a great set in the new club, but I look forward to a breakout performance really soon! I think the pressure of being "Funniest Person in Memphis" is finally getting to me! It's tough man!

Okay, no. No it's not.

Did you ever take etymology (in which you study the parts and origins of words and phrases)? I did. They made us take it in high school. I found it fascinating. To this day, I often find myself wondering whence some of the things we say came. Last night, I said something to someone and they told me they “didn’t give a rat’s ass.” Rude, huh? Well, that’s okay. I’m not easily offended. But that did get me to wondering. Should my goal have been to say something so good and valuable that they would give a rat’s ass? Was there ever a time or place in the vast experience of humanity that a rat’s ass was considered substantial compensation for a job well done? “Thank you so much for that very valuable information! I feel like I owe you something. Hmmm… I know! How about this? What do you mean, ‘what is it?’ Why, it’s a rat’s ass, of course! No, don’t be silly! Take it. You’ve earned it, believe me.” **

** Yes, of course I recognize the fact that there’s an excellent chance you don’t give a rat’s ass about this, and I’m sorry. I hope one day to write something better. Maybe then you’ll give a rat’s ass. I hope so. I’m plumb out.

Chocolate on the Pants. A Shoe on the Foot.

Big day! I wore a shoe on my right foot for the first time in four weeks. Not for long, but still... what a feeling! I put the shoe on in order to ride an exercise bike - basically my first workout in four weeks. Yikes. I have gone quite soft. Soon, though, I will put a shoe back on and I will work out again. It's rather an elegant little plan I've put together, isn't it?

Earlier today, I met my parents and my nieces and nephew at an ice cream store for a few minutes to say hi. I sat in chocolate. It melted on my pants. The part of my pants that was directly over... well... the part of my posterior. Bulls-eye.

I don't know if you can envision this, but chocolate on your butt could, could look like... well... poop. That's no good. I was not far from home and figured I would go home and change pants. It was, however, nearing the end of the business day and I wouldn't need to be making many more public appearances in those pants. What a shame it would be, I thought, to have to go put on a whole new pair for just another hour or so of work. But people will think I have... well... poop on my pants, I pointed out to myself. And then it hit me...

Why on earth would anyone think I had... well... poop on my pants? Is there really any chance at all that I would have soiled myself, then thought, "No big deal! So there's... well... poop on my pants. That won't bother anyone. Not even me. I'll just work through it."

So I learned today that not only should we not assume that a brown stain on the rear indicates that its owner has... well... pooped on him or herself, but that if a person is walking around with such a stain, that is probably the most certain you could ever be that they have absolutely not... well... pooped.

You see? It's the clean-pantsed people we should worry about.

See me. Feel me. Touch me. Heal me.

Well, see me, at least. I have comedy video on the web. Finally! I have known I should get this done for a long time, but alas, I'm am a lazy, lazy person. There will be more to follow and you should watch early and often.

I am using YouTube, source of such famous videos as the recent viral smash hit, "History of Dance." Perhaps me performing my bit about grandparents' nicknames will be the next big thing. Well... I mean... it won't. But if I put up a better clip someday, you never know!

Best way to get to the video is to go to www.laughwithziggy.com and click the video link on the opening page. There is, of course, a direct link to the video, but I don't remember it and wasn't smart enough to copy it before starting this post so that I could paste it in. I'm sorry, okay!

I hope you are having a great day! Thanks for Ziggybackriding!

*Those who are creeped out by the title of this post should know that those are lyrics from The Who's "Tommy," nothing more!

The Real World

Well, I'm back. Back in the real world. What's that you say? You didn't know I was gone? Yeah, I probably didn't mention (since I haven't been writing nearly enough) that I was going to camp last week. I spent the week in Utica, MS (probably story enough!) at Camp Dream Street, a summer camp for children with physical disabilities. It was about my 13th year helping out there and it was as incredibly fun, funny, and touching as ever. You can find out more about Dream Street and see pictures of all the fun at www.dreamstreetms.org.

I have long known that things happen at camp that just don't translate in the real world. Things that just don't compute with any sense of normal life. Never in my 13 years at Dream Street or my 20+ at the summer camp where I grew up has it ever been more evident. Three nights ago, for instance, there was a moment when I paused to look at the situation, and just burst out laughing. (Two things: keep in mind that I am a 30 year-old man who works in commercial real estate and stand-up comedy AND be sure to read this whole thing 'cause it's gonna sound weird for a minute.)

I was sitting in a makeshift camp radio studio wearing pajamas, boxer shorts outside the pajama bottoms, a pillow case cape, a sleep cap (you know the long stocking cap with a little ball on top that no one in real life - but everyone in story books - wears to sleep), and of course, my boot for the foot that is hopefully healing well. Yes, that is how I was dressed, and what was I doing? I was hosting a radio show for children who were taking showers. (this is the potentially weird part. hang in there. Okay, fine. I guess we're past potentially.) I just looked at myself and what I was doing, and thought, "Wow! What kind of life is this? And more importantly, how will I ever explain this to people at home and to the loyal readers of Ziggybackride?"

So, here's an attempt to explain. The pajamas, boxers, cape, and cap were all part of my superhero costume (the theme of the week was Superheroes). I was "The Snore: snoozing for justice, putting the bad guy to sleep, wearing pajamas!" (I think you have to imagine that being said by the movie preview voice. You know the one.) And the radio show? There's a little radio station at camp that can be picked up on an FM frequency. It can also be heard by some of the neighbors of the camp, which is a little embarrassing, though I seriously doubt they were tuning in to The Power Shower Hour on Radio Dream Street 100.3 FM! The show was packed with good music, witty banter and fun interviews with camp characters and others. It even included an interview with college football announcing great, Keith Jackson, though I played Keith and interviewed myself, which I'm told was highly entertaining for those in the studio to watch. Ziggybackride reader and Dream Street enthusiast, Ben Dorfman (of dorfmangoestohollywood.blogspot.com) even called in to the show. That was a new high/low for Radio Dream Street.

Okay, this is getting way too long. Suffice it to say that the week was wonderful, the kids had a great time, and we all got to do things that we rarely have the opportunity to do. I feel very, very lucky to have been a part of it.

I'm Not The World's Strongest Man, But...

I'm the "Funniest Person in Memphis!" Seriously! Check it out....

http://commercialappeal.com/mca/arts/article/0,1426,MCA_542_4730366,00.html

It was a fun show. A little bit of a marathon, but fun. My thanks to Comedy, Tennessee - Memphis' hot new comedy club set to open at their new location on June 15th. Hopefully I'll get to start my week's worth of shows then and make history!

Hope you are having a great weekend. Remember...You can keep up with all of Michael "Ziggy" Danziger's comedy news at www.laughwithziggy.com.*

*That last line was so informative because I'm trying to optimize search engines' ability to find me. Sorry for the vanity!

Spin Your Best Yarn

As I mentioned in the previous post, my foot is broken. It has been that way now for about three days. I can't put any weight on it and I'm using crutches. It's not particularly fun. I have found that losing the use of a foot turns previously small, easy tasks into major strategic operations. I plan to be a great chess player when this is over.

Upon finding out that my foot is broken, everyone wants to know the same thing: "How did it happen?"

This is where I need your help. You see, this happened in an incredibly unexciting way. Basically, I was jogging across a parking lot and stepped on a slightly uneven piece of pavement and my bone snapped. (It was weakened by a previous stress fracture for those who now think I must have some terrible bone disorder.) That's it.

But that story has yet to satisfy one person. As a matter of fact, several people have told me, "Oh, you've got to come up with something better." Interestingly, a full 100% of the people who've said that have gone on to suggest some variation of saving a child's life. These are obviously noble, concerned citizens who value life over, say, the X-Games.

Forget the nice, noble people. I want YOU to tell my story. Using the comment feature, give me your best "how Michael broke his foot" story. It can be long and detailed or short and to the point. It just has to be good because I obviously didn't break my foot "right" and now I need some embellishment. Help me. Be creative. Make my boot seem worthwhile, after all. And.... go!

D+? Oh my God...

I passed! I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate! (That's from Tommy Boy. I' m surprised you didn't know that.) That's also from Tommy Boy. I'm surprised you didn't know THAT.

I just passed the Tennessee Real Estate Commission's licensing exam for affiliate brokers, clearing my last major hurdle to being licensed and to eventual mogul-dom. I have to take one more 30-hour class now (what a scam!) before the state will issue the license. By the way, I didn't really get a D+. They don't tell you your grade. They just tell you you passed. Apparently, if you fail they tell you your score. I'd like to know how I did, but that hardly seems worth it.

It's been a long time since I've written (sorry about that) and there's lots and lots of news. I'll give you the bullet-point update now and give you more details later.

-I broke my foot. I can't walk. I'm on crutches and wearing one of those boots.
-As a result of the foot, I can not play in the new JCC 30 and over men's basketball league. Apparently, and this is not a joke, though it should be, I was the number one pick when the teams were drafted for the league. What a hilariously pathetic league and what a magnficently gloriously complete draft-day bust!
-I went to New York for comedy, had a great and terrible performance (same performance - I'll explain later) and saw lots of friends. That was before the foot.
-I saw fake Charlie Bucket not get a golden ticket at LaGuardia Airport. It was sad.
-The Lady Rabs lost in the championship game. It was a valiant effort and I'm proud of them and couldn't have had more fun with them. Well... maybe a little more. If we had won.
-I had a stand-up performance at an elementary school. I was heckled by a four-year-old.

Shining Moments

Well, well, well. There you are! Haven't seen you in a while. That is, of course, no fault of yours. I have been... well... away. But I am back and I am excited!

I just got home from what I'm pretty sure was the first election-night victory party I have been to. Congratulations to Mike Ritz, new Shelby County Commissioner. He's going to be great and I'm glad he was victorious. Until now, pretty much all of my candidates have lost. This was a nice change. I think I'm going to try to win more often. Starting tomorrow night.

That's right! I know you have been wondering how the Temple Israel Lady Rabs are doing. Well, I'll tell you how they're doing. They're playing in the championship game tomorrow night! They are on the brink of history, poised to bring a title home to Temple. It will be tough, though. We are facing the #1 seeded team, against whom we were 1-2 during the regular season and we are missing a key player who went down in the semifinals with a knee injury. This team has the talent and the heart to win this game, though, and I expect that 2006 will reestablish itself as the Greatest Sports Year Ever and we will be champions.

23 hours until One Shining Moment.*

*23 hours until I play One Shining Moment on my iPod and continue to pretend that the world cares about the Lady Rabs.

Hello Birdie!

My next door neighbor is an architecture student. As I understand it, she is pretty far along in the process, often spending hours and hours at a time in the studio building her portfolio. The other night, she was up into the wee hours - sawing, hammering, drilling, etc. - working on a project for one of her classes. The project? A birdhouse. Evidently, from what I'm told, this is a relatively important project.

Are a lot of birds hiring architects nowadays?

I guess those lucky birds who have the means will do anything to avoid living in one of those cookie-cutter birdhouses. I mean, who wants to live in a neighborhood where every house looks alike, you know?

I'm thinking that maybe this is the basis for how architects design all buildings...
"Alright, Jim. We need to design a skyscraper. It's gonna be big."
"Really big?"
"That's right, Jim."
"Alright, be specific. Exactly how many birds will need to be able to fit in it?"

I'll have to check into that. In the mean time, I'm beginning my real estate career and this has me wondering. Is anyone else in my area listing bird houses for sale? That's a whole new untapped market that I can make mine. I mean, having a reliable agent help you find the perfect house is certainly more efficient than having an architect build a whole new one, right?

The End Of The End Was NOT The End!

This Ride is not over!

I have been busy nurturing my two careers, eating matzah, watching tv, etc., but believe you me, I have been collecting some fine, fine material to share with you over the coming weeks and months*.

The other day I found out the actual physical size of a new career. It is just under 11 3/4" x 8 3/4" x 4 3/4". Yeah, it's a lot smaller than I thought it would be, too! Allow me to explain how I have come to be in possession of this knowledge. To do pretty much anything in the realm of real estate, including but not limited to most of the duties I am to fulfill in my new job, you have to be licensed by the state. You have to take a pre-licensing course before you can sit for the state examination. Instead of waiting to enroll in classes that don't start for several weeks, I signed up for a correspondence course so I could be ready as quickly as possible. I went to pick up the materials, which included a textbook, workbook, Tennessee real estate handbook, a study guide for that, and practice tests. I paid and walked out to my car with all the tools to begin my path to mogul-dom in a box with the dimensions I gave. So, I guess it's true what they say... great things come in small, corrugated, cardboard packages.

It occurs to me that I never actually posted my list of favorite sports movies after all that dscussion a few weeks back, so...

I'd like to announce that I'll be doing it soon**.

Finally, I commented recently on Burger King's "Big Buckin' Chicken" ad. I hope you've had the chance to see it. I hate to appear fixated on advertising, let alone BK advertising, but have you seen the add for their French Toast sandwich? It's the one with that freaky King character sitting in bed with a construction worker, while 10 or 20 other people are gathered around the bed. The king and the worker look at each other for a minute and then the king offers the guy this new sandwich. What is the story supposed to be here? Why are these two in bed? Who are all those other people? Why would anyone accept a breakfast sandwich - no matter how tasty it may be - from a strange, smily, plastic King that mysteriously appears next to you in bed?

If you can suggest any possible, plausible answers to any of these questions, please do so using the comment feature below. I would be greatly*** indebted to you if you can help me understand.

* I didn't say this post would contain the fine, fine material. Coming weeks and months, folks!
** I'm considering offering a course in procrastination. You can take it correspondence if you want. Materials will fit in the box.
***By "greatly", I mean marginally, if at all.

The End Of The End

I have retired from retirement. It's the end of an era. After months of dedicated service to no one institutional entity, but instead to God, humanity, and myself (and, let's be honest, to the cause of television viewing), the end has come. I didn't get a gold watch or anything! I did, however, get a new job, and that's pretty exciting. I am now well on my way to becoming a real estate mogul. In truth, I am nowhere near mogul-dom, but if I'm going to do it at all, I suppose that has to be my goal. That gives me what I consider to be two jobs at once - the other, of course, being stand-up comedy. That brings my list of jobs (little stuff excluded) since college to:

1) assistant director of Henry S. Jacobs Camp in Utica, MS
2) youth and family life director of Temple Israel in Memphis, TN
3) stand-up comic
4) real estate mogul-in-training at Malkin Management and Investment Co., inc. in Memphis

Now, see if you can follow this strange coming-together of these four vocational me's. I am writing this post from the Henry S. Jacobs Camp in Utica, MS, where I just arrived with a group of youth from Temple Israel in Memphis. They are here for the weekend for a youth group convention. I am here because I have been hired to give a stand-up performance for the convention-goers and the members of a synagogue in nearby Jackson, MS, tomorrow night. I took my first day off of work from Malkin Management to ride down here with the kids today.

All four. Right there. One paragraph (though I admit that the first day off part is a weak part of the story, but still, you know!). And the world has not yet ended. Or if it has, word has not yet reached rural Mississippi.

Big, Buckin' Chicken

Have you seen this commercial? I mean, have you SEEN this?!?

The Coronation and the Crumbling

When was Morgan Freeman crowned as Earth's official narrator? Was there a ceremony? Where was I? When I saw "Million Dollar Baby," all I could think of was "The Shawshank Redemption" because that same voice was carrying us through the story, serving as the modern equivalent of the play's chorus. It was a year or two later that I saw "March of the Penguins" which, while touching, was distinguished from any television nature special only by....? That's right! The smooth, folksy, and wise voice of one Morgan Freeman telling us, once again, those parts of the story that our own eyes, alone, could not. I thought, then, how interesting his popularity in that role had become, and how strange that Hollywood was beginning to seem incapable of finding other voices that could do what his can. As I marveled, I also thought - or maybe just felt somewhere deep down - that he would surely have to hang it up for a while lest the possibility and eventually necessity of his narrating every single motion picture become real.

Time passed and, indeed, I did not hear Morgan Freeman's voice without seeing his face, complete with mouth making the words he spoke. Until now. I just finished watching "War of the Worlds" - the new version, starring Tom Cruise. The movie begins and ends with a voice that I thought sounded like Freeman's, but not exactly like it. I thought, "Funny! Every movie maker now thinks he needs a Morgan Freeman-esque narration to make a good film." I was wrong. It was him. Every movie maker actually thinks he needs Morgan Freeman to talk off-screen at some point or the project is doomed to fail. I look forward to seeing other recent movies I have missed and hearing Morgan's words. If I don't see his name on a cast listing I'll know... "crap." Congratulations to Mr. Freeman, and to our planet on selecting a fine voice. I might have voted, had I been asked, for the adult voice of Kevin Arnold of "The Wonder Years" or possibly for Bill Livingston, the voice of the now-defunct TEX (the Telephone Enrollment eXchange of The University of Texas at Austin). They would have been great, too.

This post is getting long, so I'll end soon, but first... the Crumbling. I was reduced to tears twice during a book I finished the other day. I cried. Wept. I might have even sobbed. I don't really know. I don't cry much. I get choked up occasionally. Sometimes I tear up a little at a Bar Mitzvah, but I don't think I've really cried since Alex P. Keaton moved out of the Keaton home to begin his life anew on Wall Street.* Congratulations to Dean Koontz on tugging at my heart strings**, and in the midst of what I would classify as a suspense novel, no less. I recommend "From The Corner Of His Eye" to any reader. His book "Odd Thomas" is excellent, as well.

Good bye and good luck. ***

* on the final episode of hit series "Family Ties." In the 80's. See, I don't cry much.
** I don't know what these are, but I've heard of them. I'll ask a doctor.
*** The words with which TEX ended every phone "conversation" with every Texas student.

www.laughwithziggy.com

Doesn't that sound like it would make a good website? Well it does. Announcing my new comedy-related web presence! The design work will continue and more pictures, etc. will be added, but the basics are there. I'd love to hear what you think, whether you see any misspelled words, whether it takes a long time to load or anything else. You can use the comment feature on this site or the "contact" page on that site. Amazing! Then, when you're done, you can use the "blog" page on that site to get right back here!

When running for president, George W. Bush once asked, "Will the highways of the internet become more few?" I am proud to have helped answer that important query by making the highways less few.

By the way, I think we're about to hit visitor 6000 here. For 6K, not sure if there's a prize, but let me know if it's you anyway. There's a lot of pride to be had!

Legs Mason

My legs hurt. I took my first ever spinning class yesterday. I now know how to spin. I am a learned spinner. For those unfamiliar with this fitness phenomenon, it's an exercise class done on an exercise bike. You pedal for an hour. Sometimes against heavy resistance, sometimes against light, but always pedaling hard. I believe this was the first exercise class I have partaken in since my days as an aerobics instructor at the URJ Henry S. Jacobs Camp. Yes. I taught aerobics and "Mike, Hillery, and Mike's super cardio funk" was cool, so BACK OFF! Anyway, I don't know if my first ever spinning class was also my last ever. We'll see. I know that you'll be on the edge of your seat waiting to hear how that turns out, so I'll be sure to keep you in the loop.

In other news... George Mason. George Mason? GEORGE MASON?!? The college basketball world is also spinning as it prepares for a Final Four that includes no teams that were really considered to be top teams during this season. I have friends that are big fans of LSU, UCLA, and Florida, but it's hard not to root for GMU, since none of these teams is really a champion befitting the season now ending. I think I'd rather have the great story of a Patriots (I think that's their nickname, but I'm not even sure) championship. I'm tempted to not watch, but I know I will.

6 days, 10 hours until "One Shining Moment."

The Day Began So Nicely

It was a pretty day in Memphis, Tennessee. I was all gussied up for the Bar Mitzvah of a kid I know and like - it was a lovely ceremony. I visited with my aunt and uncle after a nice lunch. I was still basking in the glow of two fun and successful comedy performances the last two nights. Yes, it was shaping up to be quite a nice little Saturday, actually. I thought maybe I would go to Home Depot. Maybe Bed Bath & Beyond. I didn't know if there'd be time.*

And now? It's still pretty nice, but the season is over for my two favorite college basketball teams, and my visions of the remainder of March Madness are lacking luster... at best. The Memphis Tigers just fell to UCLA in a performance that I only wish I could describe as uneven. Unfortunately, it was exceedingly even. For the final 38 minutes of the 40 minute game, the Tigers were consistent in shooting themselves in the foot. There were missed layups, missed free throws, turnovers, and fouls-a-plenty, but very few points. It was sad. That, of course, was the second game of a double-header that began with Texas playing rather poorly and losing (see last post).

Wish me luck on reversing the downward spiral of this day as it turns into night.

* For the uninformed, the shopping parts were from "Old School." For the really uninformed, "Old School" is a great movie.

But I Ate Baked Cheetos!

Lots of them, in fact. In the end, though, the snack that carried the Texas Football Longhorns to a national championship all the way from Israel was not enough to carry the basketball team to a Final Four today. The quest to win all national championships has ended for Texas, but the "Greatest Sports Year Ever" continues in just a few minutes as Memphis faces UCLA for the 2nd spot in the Final Four. Go Tigers Go!

More on basketball and some recent comedy happenings soon. And now, it's out to Oakland...

Vindication!

At last! I have been recognized for the complete idiot that I am. I received word today that one or more of my jokes will be used in the forthcoming Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes from Alpha Books/Penguin Press. I submitted several items several months ago, in response to an email from the author that was sent out to many comics. I thought about it the other day, wondering if a decision had been made and, right on cue, received an email today. I don't yet know what material they selected. I guess I will have to wait until the book, which will include some sort of bio for me, is released a few months from now. I'll keep you posted.

In other news, the NCAA tournament is off to a gloriously entertaining start, with the Memphis Tigers advancing today and Texas yet to play its first round game. I hope you're enjoying all the action. I also am enjoying all the comments in response to my last post about sports movies. Rudy and The Karate Kid are two I enjoy that I neglected to mention in my preliminary brainstorm. Several other greats have been mentioned and I look forward to reading the rest of your input before creating my final list. I have Adam Sandler's version of The Longest Yard at my house right now and I hope to watch it soon. I have little faith that it will crack the list, but I'd be thrilled to be surprised. At the moment, I'm watching Wimbledon. It won't be on my final list.

Have a great weekend!

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

I had trouble sleeping last night. I considered staying up to see if I could see a jolly bringer of gifts and good-tidings, or maybe leaving out a plate of cookies. In the end, though, two realities won out. 1) I'm Jewish; and 2) Santa Claus has nothing to do with the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. March Madness. The field of 64. The Road to the Final Four. It starts today and it's beautiful. Every single year, it's beautiful. Today and tomorrow are the best two days of the tournament, in my opinion. So many great games will be played in the next 40 hours and this is the time when upsets are fun. Many people are always rooting for underdogs, but I find that as the tournament wears on, I want the best teams from the season to be playing. I like when the championship represents the season. I'll be happy, for instance, if Duke plays UConn or, I suppose I could find a silver lining if Memphis were to play Texas in the Final Four and one of those teams advanced to the championship game. I jest, of course. Nothing (that could happen in the tourney) would make me happier than to see my two favorite teams make it to Indianapolis to face each other. Good luck to the Tigers and the Longhorns!

In related news, Zina, a regular reader has asked me for a list of my favorite sports movies. Ziggybackride is not a blog known for its lists, but I like this idea and have begun thinking. Several movies, including Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky III, and Rocky IV (absolutely not the fifth one) came quickly to mind. Caddyshack, Hoosiers, Wildcats, Remember the Titans, Breaking Away, and The Natural occurred to me, as well. I shall work on this list and I shall publish it soon at this very web address. Please use the comment feature to make a case for your favorite(s), and enjoy the tournament.

It's approximately 3 weeks, 4 days, and 12 hours until "One Shining Moment."

What's the biggest news?

Is it the beginning of Temple Israel's Purim celebration, highlighted by the performance of the kids' purimspiel this past Sunday? The Memphis Commercial Appeal clearly thought so. Check out this story, from the front page of the Local section of Monday's paper. I wrote this play, but was not mentioned in the news story. My mother was very upset!

http://www.commercialappeal.com/mca/local/article/
0,2845,MCA_25340_4517523,00.html

Or is it the news that I will be the headliner at Comedy, Tennessee on Thursday, March 23rd, closing out the show with a 30 minute set (as opposed to opening for other acts with 10 or 15 minutes)?. Very exciting opportunity!

http://comedytennessee.com/content/publish/article_136.shtml

Or is it that I finally received my 3rd of three special gifts, commemorating the Texas Longhorns' football national championship, from Sports Illustrated. It's a beautiful football that is imprinted with both the Longhorn and Rose Bowl logos, as well as the schedule and scores from Texas's perfect season. It is a lovely and striking addition to the Michael Danziger collection!

Insomniac Issue

I'm up. I don't want to be. I've been up about an hour and a half after getting about 2 and a half hours of sleep. I'm hoping to get back to it shortly.

I just saw a commercial for Memphis' Bluff City Nissan, advertising a moving sale. The car dealership is moving to a new location and absolutely must sell everything.

Of course. Because how on earth could you ever move a car?

Good night/morning. Have a great day!

I Am One Excited Dork

It came. It's here.

My Sports Illustrated limited edition, special collectors issue, hard-cover tribute to the Texas Longhorns' glorious championship football season has arrived. I can now relive the magic through pictures and words from SI any time I want to. I can't always predict the future, but I think I will want to often. Very often.

The books are numbered to remind recipients that these are limited. I was lucky to get good ol' No. 20,658. Thank goodness I was able to get my hands on one of these books, which are obviously incredibly rare!

That's two of my three special gifts. Now I'm just waiting for the commemorative championship football. Believe you me, you'll know when it arrives!

Bode = Ziggy

Bode Miller finished his Olympics yesterday with another loss. I believe it was his 6th event without a medal, after coming into the games a heavy favorite to win several. I love competition and I have no problem with the fact that no one can win every time and that sometimes favorites lose. All I ask of American Olympians is that they do their best to compete and represent us well. Of all athletes, I ask that they do the overwhelming majority of their talking with their performance.

Bode does his talking seemingly everywhere else. According to him, he "rocked" these Olympics, and that is true assuming that by "rocked," he meant "did exactly as well as Michael Danziger did."

Miller said, "The same people who recognize I came out with no medals should recognize I could have won three."

I also won no medals, but who knows how many I could have won. I rock! Congratulations to all the Olympians who should be getting the attention that I and others are giving to this guy.

Various Stages, Various Journeys

Today is the 22nd of February, the birthday of President George Washington and the end of a very feeble 10-day ZiggyBackRide journey during which this site was to use the words of our nation's chief executives to inspire and entertain. It just didn't really ever get rolling. I am lazy. Sometimes it just has to be that way. Or, to borrow a metaphor from Thomas Jefferson, Michael must, from time to time, be refreshed by laziness. Alas, it is his natural manure. Martin Van Buren said, "It is easier to do a job right than to explain why you didn't." Silly, silly Marty! In the end, though, I must ask that you not rely entirely on this site for that which will fuel your success. Like JFK said, "The stories of past courage... can teach, they can offer hope, they can provide inspiration. But they cannot supply courage itself. For this each man must look into his own soul." What did Kennedy mean? Clearly, he was telling us that while ZiggyBackRide cannot actually be your soul, it is your soul's worthy partner. What a team!

Did somebody say team? Tonight, the Lady Rabs take the floor for their 3rd game, looking for win number 2. Their journey toward Memphis Area Jewish teen basketball greatness is in its early stages, but they're picking up speed and rolling toward a championship. I'll keep you posted.

Did somebody say posted? (What?!?) Finally, tomorrow night will see me on stage again in my comedy journey. It's Comedy, Tennessee's 2nd Best of Memphis Showcase and I'll be one of 5 or 6 local comics performing. It's at Neil's on Madison at 8:30 pm. It'll be funny. I have to believe that, for as Dwight D. Eisenhower taught, "Pessimism never won any battle."

Time to continue our journeys, but before we go, parting words from the birthday boy and our 1st president: "I hope I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man."

Clown Calamity, Absent Asses, and Presidential Poop

I just returned home from a meeting. As I was driving into my neighborhood, I noticed a red clown wig in the street. That's a pretty rare sight. What happened to the clown that would ordinarily be under that wig? Did a friend get mad at him and throw the wig out the car window (like Elaine throwing George's toupee out of Jerry's apartment)? Until that wig is back on the head it came from, I'm sure there's one more sad clown in my subdivision.

I think the girls that play for the Temple Israel Lady Rabs must be out shopping right now. Five of them are going to need new pants today. Their old pants aren't going to fit right because they played their asses off last night. Their asses are literally gone. Okay, fine. Their asses are figuratively gone*. They recorded their first victory of the season last night in dramatic fashion, coming back from an early deficit and clinging to a slim margin as time expired. There were only five players present and one actually left the court to throw up during the first half, leaving the team to play 4 on 5 for about 3 minutes. It was a gutsy performance and I truly believe that if we can get all the players to all the games, this team could go undefeated the rest of the way. Don't doubt them. Remember, this is the greatest sports year ever.

Finally, more words of wisdom from our Presidents for you to enjoy during these days preceding Presidents Day...

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure." - Thomas Jefferson

I guess speechwriters weren't always what they are today. However, manure's not all bad. I mean it's ma and newer - two pretty good things.

*This is ZiggyBackRide's first and, quite likely, last discussion of high school girls' asses. Just wanted those who may be visiting for the first time to know that this is not that kind of site!

Birthdays and Anniversaries

My 1st comedy anniversary was three days ago. One year since I first officially performed stand-up comedy on February 11, 2005. By my estimation, I have since performed about 60 times, including appearances in 15 different clubs, performances for organizations, at parties in friends' homes, and in one hotel hallway just outside of Tel Aviv, Israel. It has been very exciting and I have learned a lot. I can't wait to see what Vol. II brings! (On the anniversary, I watched the movie, "The Aristocrats" with several comedian friends. Very fitting!)

The day after my anniversary was Abraham Lincoln's birthday (he would have been 197, I think), beginning the 10-day run up to George Washington's birthday, during which we celebrate Presidents Day. In tribute to our nation's chief executives, I will, from now through Washington's birthday, offer up words and wisdom from our leaders. Sometimes I will offer commentary and sometimes I will just allow them to speak for themselves. I hope you enjoy and are inspired by them!

We begin with Lincoln... "Allow me to say that you, as a portion of the great American people, need only to maintain your composure, stand up to your sober convictions of right, to your obligations of right, to your obligations to the Constitution, and act in accordance with those sober convictions, and the clouds now on the horizon will be dispelled, and we shall have a bright and glorious future."

One more for today... "I know only two tunes: one of them is 'Yankee Doodle' and the other one isn't." - Ulysses S. Grant

Happy Valentine's Day and go Runnin' Rabs (last game tonight)!!!

What Ever Happened To Predictability?

The milkman, the paperboy, and evening t.v.?

Hello Riders! I wish to pass on a link forwarded to me by friend, reader, and official ZiggyBackRide media watchdog, Sarah. I don't really feel the need to say much other than 'read this.' The article and the jokes that will fill your mind are 'nuff said. Just be sure you make it to the intervention part. By the way, where was "Uncle" Joey? Of all his gloriously humorous "cut... it... outs," this had the potential to be the most meaningful.

Enjoy!

http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,18274,00.html

Good Samaritan of Steel

Greetings Earthlings! (see last post) I hope this finds you well. I'm doing quite nicely as I prepare for a comedy performance tonight (at Neil's in Midtown Memphis at 8:30). Often, people compare my style of comedy to that of Jerry Seinfeld. This always makes me very, very happy because Jerry is my comedy hero. I love his stuff - each premise, the construction of the jokes with the funniest single words in the funniest possible order, and just the right gesture or facial expression to augment the humor. It is a pleasure to be compared to him.

I'd be surprised, however, if I were ever compared to the Jerry who, on the final episode of Seinfeld, violated the Samaritan law by neglecting to help a fellow citizen in trouble. You won't hear that about me, no siree. Why just this very morning, I stopped by my friendly neighborhood Starbucks (see post from June 15, 2004) - that's not my good deed - and I ordered a grande coffee with room for cream - also not the good deed. I then proceeded to the little coffee operating room where you add your cream and sweetener, where I "dressed" my coffee just the way I like it. In order to get my coffee up to my standard, I had to use the last few drops of half-and-half and almost the last of the skim, but I squeezed just enough out of both thermoses. My coffee was done and it was good. Before departing, though, I got the attention of one of the Starbucks Associates and let her know about the creamer shortage. Not for myself - my coffee was perfect - but for the many people in line behind me who would be wanting coffee as good as my own, and for the barristas who would bear the brunt of the unhappiness of a cream-deprived clientele.

So, you see. I have done my good deed for the day. Maybe there's still time for another. Maybe not. But don't ever accuse me of being a Samaritan of any level below "good."

In other news, the Steelers did, in fact, win the Super Bowl (I know you needed me to tell you), keeping very much alive the possibility of the greatest sports year ever. EVER! Last night, the Temple Israel Lady Rabs played their first game of Season II (Roman for two). With three key players missing and only five present, they lost a heartbreaker, but mark my words... these girls will win games and maybe even a championship. Their male counterparts, however, will not. The Runnin' Rabs have had a fun season, but are in a league in which we are terrifically overmatched. The other night we scored 4 points in our most productive quarter of the game. Yikes. See? Greatest year ever!

The Ultimate Insecurity

I read a news story the other day about a potentially groundbreaking scientific discovery. Apparently, a planet that has physical properties that are relatively similar to Earth's has been spotted and plotted. (That's like the poor man's "turn and burn" for astronomers.) This discovery resulted from the use of a new technology that scientists hope will help us answer the age-old question of whether we are alone in the universe. Pretty exciting stuff.

I continued reading, wondering something akin to, "Huh! That's pretty interesting. How far away is this new planet?" My question was soon answered. The new planet is estimated to be about 20,000 light years away. "Huh!" I repeated to myself, "20,000 - that sounds like a lot, but I don't remember how many miles a light year is exactly." I didn't have to wonder long. The article - astutely anticipating my and potentially other readers' lack of memory on the subject - mentioned that a light year was approximately 6 trillion miles. So, for those keeping score at home, the new planet, which may or may not be suitable for life forms similar to those living on Earth, is about 20,000 x 6,000,000,000,000 miles away.

"Huh," I thought yet again, "these scientists must be out of their motherf&*#ing minds!"

If the nearest possibility of life forms similar to ours is 120,000,000,000,000,000 ( I wanted you to see the number) miles away, then I and any (other) idiot on this planet can answer the age-old question. WE ARE ALONE! We're not packing up the car and driving over there for the family reunion! Not even if it's over a long weekend. Even if that planet is exactly like Earth, populated by our identical twins; even if they have Texas Longhorn football there; or even if it's better than Earth and their Taco Bells still have the old lowfat "Border Light" menu that I so enjoyed because it offered all of the taste without all the guilt; even if they aren't dependent on foreign oil*; even if all these things and more were true... we're not gonna be visiting.

I think it's time for us to put aside what must be the universe's most outlandish insecurity and stop looking. We'll just have to come to grips with the fact that we 6 or 7 billion Earthlings are all alone.

*There is a distinct possibility that the search was not for an answer to the age-old question, at all, but instead, an expedition to locate more foreign oil for our eventual consumption. Probably not, though, because last night President Bush outlined plans to make more fuel from corn and stalks and leaves. He must have read my post from May 9, 2005.

Hundreds And Thousands

Milestones-a-plenty, ZiggyBackRiders! First of all, this is this site's 101st post - a perfect opportunity to look back, to celebrate, to relive the great moments of our first "century" together. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, you've logged on to "ZiggyBackPride: The Centennial Celebration!"

There's been meaningful social change - read June 10, 2003 (one of the very first posts) and then see June 8, 2004.

There's been romance - see the "Season For Loving" series from January and February of 2004. By the way, I used the material from the "Shape of My Heart" post in my stand-up set last Thursday and it went over big. Apparently it is funny to other people besides me that we use Valentine's Day as a yearly chance to lie to one another about what the heart looks like.

There's material for the sports fan - see June 13, 2003 or April 8, 2005; July 15 or 22, 2004 or the most recent post from the January 22, 2006.

We've even had hackers - see July 28 and 29, 2004.

We've made friends, including the now-defunct "cabinprayers" and "buffetlinementality" blogs, and the still-going-strong "dorfmangoestohollywood" and "centralstandards" blogs. (Other bloggers are welcome to share their blog addresses via the comment feature. I just didn't know who wanted to be outed and who didn't.)

It has been a glorious first hundred (and one) and I can't wait to see what the next century brings. Thanks for the memories, Riders. Strap in. There's more to come.

The next big thing? Visitor number 5000! Amazing! I mean, come on! That's a lot of time wasted* right on this very site! Let us know using the comment feature if you are lucky number MMMMM!

*That was a test. Don't ever be tricked into believing that time spent here is time wasted. See you soon!

Best Year Ever?

The pirates are back!

The Steelers are back!

Sounds like a big day for Pittsburgh, right? Well it is, but only because of the Steelers, my Steelers, who are champions of the American Football Conference and who will play in Super Bowl XL (that's 40, not extra large) on February 5th. This, mind you, comes less than three weeks after the Texas Longhorns, my Longhorns, won College Football's national championship. In addition, my two favorite college basketball teams - the Memphis Tigers and Texas - are ranked 4th and 5th, respectively, in the nation, and may move higher when new polls are released tonight. The Texas Baseball team is a threat to repeat as champions of the College World Series and the New York Yankees, my favorite professional baseball team, have added to their already ridiculous collection of talent and have an excellent chance to be playing come October of this year. To top it all off, the Temple Israel Lady Rabs, whom I coach, are preparing to start season number two, reloaded and ready to make a run at a championship against the high school girls of the other Jewish organizations of Memphis. So....

Is this the best sports year ever? It has potential. Of course, if you don't happen to like all of the teams that I like, it probably doesn't seem as great to you. That'll teach you to like other teams!

In other news, pirates are in the news again. Pirates!!! In 2006! See the ziggybackride archives for November of 2005 for a previous unlikely pirate appearance and see this article:
http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060122120809990005&ncid=NWS00010000000001
for current swashbuckling goings-on. Those who watched Saturday Night Live last night and/or have seen my comedy act recently and/or watched the movie, Dodgeball, will find it painfully obvious that pirates are back and a real force in our world. Spectacular!

The content of this post was too important to preempt in favor of the ZiggybackPride Centennial Celebration originally slated for this 100th post. Don't fret. It's coming. Seriously. Don't fret.

Product Of An Atrophying Mind

Question of the Day
(our first in a long while)

Why do hospitals have religions?

Know what I mean? No? In my city, the two major hospitals (other than St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, of which we are very proud) are Baptist Memorial Hospital and Methodist Hospital. I was out of town recently and passed by a Jewish Hospital. Jewish hospital? I'm Jewish! I wanted to stop and talk, and see if the hospital knew any of the same people I know. (It's a little game we Jews play - Jewish Geography. Playing successfully is our favorite way to prove we're genuine Jews to other members of our faith family upon whom we happen.)

Back to the question, though. Why the denominations? As far as I know, all of these hospitals will treat anyone that comes in (provided they have insurance or money, but that's a question for a different day). The doctors come from various religious backgrounds (except maybe at the Jewish hospital). It all just seems so incredibly arbitrary. If it made sense to have your faith's name on a hospital, wouldn't it also have made sense to have pharmacies and other steps in the medical process. Geez, I hope I don't start a big war amongst the religions as they all try to convert Walgreens, CVS, Duane Reade, and others.

Alright, I was just interrupted by a phone call from regular reader, Sarah W., who informs me that Texas Longhorns National Championship commemorative Coke cans are on sale in Austin. My excitement over what I like to call "America in liquid form" being sold in Longhorns packaging has ended any hope of my exploring our question of the day any further. I have got to get to Texas immediately, if not sooner, and get me some of that!

According to blogger.com, this is the 99th post on Ziggybackride. Check back soon for our Centennial Celebration. It's going to be awesome!

Journey Through Time

Happy 2006 everyone! I am recently back in the States from my little jaunt through Israel. It was a great jaunt, by the way - fun, meaningful, memorable, and shared with a great group of people. Now that I'm back, I'm catching up on life and all I missed in the first two weeks of this New Year. It's like I slept through it, except that I actually slept very little and am just now catching up. So, it's really not like I slept through it at all. It's more like I was just out of town or something. Profound, no? If you have any great stories from the opening days of our year, please share using the comment feature below. And remember, this is a family site!

Many people have asked me what my favorite part of Israel was. Was it the Western Wall? The Dead Sea? The falafel? The camels? The enchanting night in an authentic imitation Bedouin camp? No. No. No. No. And no. Ready? It was the Texas Longhorns' Rose Bowl victory, garnering a long-awaited, well-deserved, and hard-earned national championship! Not an "Israel experience," you say? Wrong! Massada, the ancient mountain fortress will forever be intertwined with Texas football in my (keen and reasonable) mind. For it was atop that mountain, in the early hours of the morning of January 5th, that I (and other Texas fans with whom I climbed) got up-to-the-minute info about the details of our glorious victory. I have pictures of our half-way-around-the-world, 10-hour-time-difference, enjoying-a-site-with-tremendous-religious-and-historic-significance victory celebration that I plan to send to The Alcalde, the magazine of the Texas Exes.

I didn't get to watch the game, but I did wake up at 3 a.m. to try (with a severe lack of success) to pick it up on a short wave radio. Though I couldn't find the feed, I did eat the baggie of Baked Cheetos that I had brought with me from the States to ensure that I would ingest some orange food on game day. That's probably why we won.

Okay, enough (for now) about the Texas win. Israel was great and I loved the group that I travelled with. So now I face the familiar challenge of keeping in touch with a new group of dispersed friends. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully, I can get them to come along for this ride: The Ride of Your Life.

Happy 2006! It's good to be back!