As I mentioned in the previous post, my foot is broken. It has been that way now for about three days. I can't put any weight on it and I'm using crutches. It's not particularly fun. I have found that losing the use of a foot turns previously small, easy tasks into major strategic operations. I plan to be a great chess player when this is over.
Upon finding out that my foot is broken, everyone wants to know the same thing: "How did it happen?"
This is where I need your help. You see, this happened in an incredibly unexciting way. Basically, I was jogging across a parking lot and stepped on a slightly uneven piece of pavement and my bone snapped. (It was weakened by a previous stress fracture for those who now think I must have some terrible bone disorder.) That's it.
But that story has yet to satisfy one person. As a matter of fact, several people have told me, "Oh, you've got to come up with something better." Interestingly, a full 100% of the people who've said that have gone on to suggest some variation of saving a child's life. These are obviously noble, concerned citizens who value life over, say, the X-Games.
Forget the nice, noble people. I want YOU to tell my story. Using the comment feature, give me your best "how Michael broke his foot" story. It can be long and detailed or short and to the point. It just has to be good because I obviously didn't break my foot "right" and now I need some embellishment. Help me. Be creative. Make my boot seem worthwhile, after all. And.... go!
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Michael was walking along the streets of Austin one day recently, minding his own business, when he noticed a Sooner and an Aggie walking in a sinister way toward The Most Beloved Mascot in College Sports, Bevo XIV. Always one to fight on the side of good against evil, Michael decided he had better keep an eye on these two hooligans. Sure enough, as they approached the mighty Longhorn, the two ingrates pulled cans of spray paint out of their backpacks and began to shake them, preparing to defile Bevo's magnificent white coat. Thinking quickly, Michael ran toward the noble beast yelling and flailing his arms to entice Bevo to run away from the sneaking forces of evil with maroon aerosol in their hands. Having thus valiantly protected Bevo's honor in a nonviolent way, Michael suffered an unfortunate injury when the charging Longhorn stepped on and shattered his foot. But Michael's physical pain brought only a smile to his face, for he knew that bones will heal--and the glory of coming to the mighty Bevo's aid will last forever.
Michael "Ziggy" Danziger had recently placed fourth in the skateboard qualifiers for the X-Games, thereby squashing his hopes of competing for what some call "The Nation's Top Prize." Dejected and downtrodden, he decided a trip to New York to do some comedy would help cheer him up. Upon arrival at New York's Grand Central Station, Michael "Ziggy" Danziger was amazed to see famed mobster Al Capone's henchmen trying to kidnap an accountant. Some United States Treasury agents (T-Men, as they are called) were on the scene, and a shootout began. Unaware of what was going on around her, a woman walked right into the crossfire while pushing her baby in a carriage. Startled by the gunshots, the baby carriage began to bounce and roll down the very long staircase. Michael "Ziggy" Danziger, seeing the immediate peril the baby was in (and all the while thinking this all seemed vaguely familiar), threw caution to the wind and rushed toward the bottom of the staircase to intercept the carriage, sliding at the last second to stop the baby from falling out onto the marble floor. The woman thanked him, and Michael "Ziggy" Danziger got up and went on his way. After a few comedy shows (some good, some bad, by his account), he flew back to Memphis. While waiting for his luggage at the baggage claim, a gang of bikers rode into the airport, harrassing the travellers and causing injury to everyone they could by running over their feet with the bikes. Michael "Ziggy" Danziger narrowly avoided injury, though, thanks to his cat-like reflexes and quick thinking, when he jumped up onto a bench to avoid having his feet run over by the biker gang.
When he pulled up at his apartment complex, he thought he heard his phone ringing inside. He broke into a slight jog towards his house, stepped on some uneven pavement, and broke his foot. And that's how it all happened.
A blind man once stepped on Michael "Ziggy" Danziger's shoe, breaking his foot which was already weakened by a pre-existing stress fracture. Michael replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Michael "Ziggy" Danziger!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris, who had witnessed the incident and had come to aid his good friend Michael "Ziggy" Danziger in his time of need.
one day ziggy was snapping his fingers to the tune of the "jet song" from west side story when, lo and behold, a stranger named bernardo leaps up and starts dance fighting with ziggy, complete with more finger snapping of course. then suddenly ziggy spotted a beautiful woman in a longhorns tshirt. time stops. ziggy messes up a step while dance fighting and breaks his foot. the end.
p.s. i've been watching west side story every day for a week so i apologize if the explanation made no sense.
p.s.s. i think this is a ploy to get people to write funny stories while you're incapacitated.
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