I read a news story the other day about a potentially groundbreaking scientific discovery. Apparently, a planet that has physical properties that are relatively similar to Earth's has been spotted and plotted. (That's like the poor man's "turn and burn" for astronomers.) This discovery resulted from the use of a new technology that scientists hope will help us answer the age-old question of whether we are alone in the universe. Pretty exciting stuff.
I continued reading, wondering something akin to, "Huh! That's pretty interesting. How far away is this new planet?" My question was soon answered. The new planet is estimated to be about 20,000 light years away. "Huh!" I repeated to myself, "20,000 - that sounds like a lot, but I don't remember how many miles a light year is exactly." I didn't have to wonder long. The article - astutely anticipating my and potentially other readers' lack of memory on the subject - mentioned that a light year was approximately 6 trillion miles. So, for those keeping score at home, the new planet, which may or may not be suitable for life forms similar to those living on Earth, is about 20,000 x 6,000,000,000,000 miles away.
"Huh," I thought yet again, "these scientists must be out of their motherf&*#ing minds!"
If the nearest possibility of life forms similar to ours is 120,000,000,000,000,000 ( I wanted you to see the number) miles away, then I and any (other) idiot on this planet can answer the age-old question. WE ARE ALONE! We're not packing up the car and driving over there for the family reunion! Not even if it's over a long weekend. Even if that planet is exactly like Earth, populated by our identical twins; even if they have Texas Longhorn football there; or even if it's better than Earth and their Taco Bells still have the old lowfat "Border Light" menu that I so enjoyed because it offered all of the taste without all the guilt; even if they aren't dependent on foreign oil*; even if all these things and more were true... we're not gonna be visiting.
I think it's time for us to put aside what must be the universe's most outlandish insecurity and stop looking. We'll just have to come to grips with the fact that we 6 or 7 billion Earthlings are all alone.
*There is a distinct possibility that the search was not for an answer to the age-old question, at all, but instead, an expedition to locate more foreign oil for our eventual consumption. Probably not, though, because last night President Bush outlined plans to make more fuel from corn and stalks and leaves. He must have read my post from May 9, 2005.
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3 comments:
do you think that the new planet's taco bell also has those old commercials with the "59, 79, 99" songs?? i used to love those commercials.
i just got my texas 2005 national champs t-shirt today from my new sports illustrated subscription. pretty psyched, although the football and hardcover book are still on backorder.
You know what you just caused me to do? I just went to the mailbox to look for my SI t-shirt, even though I know perfectly well that I already got my mail today. I was just hoping that maybe the mail man came back. No dice. I can't wait.
59, 79, 99! Damn you. That's gonna be stuck in my head for years! Again.
did you hear about the planet they named after me? well it's "xena" so not after me, but still...oh and they named the moon "gabrielle".
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