Welcome To Our Planet

I think aliens are joining the ZiggyBackRide.

Before I go on, let me make clear that I don't make a habit of assuming that anything out of the ordinary naturally suggests the presence or proximity of interplanetary life. I am not predisposed to blaming or crediting extraterrestrials for phenomena that I encounter here on our little planet.

So when I - or anyone else here on the ZBR staff - do say that aliens* are involved, Riders (of earthly descent) should take heed.

Evidence that we are not alone* has been provided to me right here on this very blog. Our neighbors have begun commenting, focusing their attention on this post from April of this year.

If you read through the comments (which pretty much all come in the middle of the night, ZiggyBackRide time - VERY different time zone, anyone???) you'll see that they are in the very beginning stages of learning to communicate as we do. There are very few recognizeable words peppered throughout the many comments. These include, but are not limited to:
"sex"
"poodle"
"top"
"free sex"
and, most interestingly,
"haman"

Why did this post speak to our brothers-from-another-species-of-mother? I can only assume that it is because of the discussion therein about the function and importance of the sun, which we obviously share with other planets. Why are our very distant neighbors so interested in connecting with Earthly ZiggyBackRiders? Clearly, they think Earth is the place to find sex. Maybe even free sex. How poodles and haman** fit into all of this, I don't know. And as an animal lover and Purim-enthusiast, I don't think I really care to know!

There is much more investigation to be done. For now, we know that this site has broken barriers that have long divided this universe of ours. We must proceed cautionsly, so as not to incite a negative interplanetary event. But we must be proud of the connection we have made with our neighbors and hopeful for a future that brings us all together to discuss important topics of the day like those explored in the referenced post. Welcome to the Ride. Welcome to Earth!


* Finally the question explored in one my all-time favorite ZBR posts has been answered, and the distances in actual space have been drastically reduced in cyber-space!
**Haman is the villain in the story of Purim, recounted in the Book of Esther.

My Annual Texas/OU Post

It is right about this time every year that I write about the Texas/Oklahoma football game. Sometimes I write on the morning of the contest as I watch College Gameday. Usually, I chronicle, in some way, the orange-colored food and drink which I have ingested or will ingest as the day wears on. You know all that now. And I'm proud of you.

This year, I'll be watching the game in a different setting. The Texas Exes (alumni club) of Memphis and our OU Alumni counterparts will be watching together! We will turn a BBQ restaurant in Memphis into our own smaller, remote version of the Cotton Bowl. All that's missing will be Big Tex, Fletcher's Corny Dogs, and the ferris wheel. Oh, and the players, coaches, bands, cheerleaders, field, officials, and 60,000 of our closest friends.

To gather and enjoy the game together, fans of both teams will have to be nicer than our feelings toward the other team warrant. So I have to get some of my anti-OU venom out now and I shall do so by sharing the following photo, shared today on Facebook by a friend. Enjoy, and please send me a copy if you choose to create your own variation on the "It's _____ am/pm and OU still sucks" joke. They never get old!

Live From Oslo

Holy crap, have I missed you. Posting a quick status update on Facebook so often makes it feel unneccessary to log in here and get back on the Ride, but there's really nothing like a good blog post to get you going, is there?

It was announced today that President Obama will receive the Nobel Peace Prize this year and reviews of the selection are mixed. I support The President and I'm proud of the recognition, but I think it's probably a little early. He is in a position to do great things for the world's peace-making efforts, but hasn't had much chance to make an impact yet. The fact that he's being given the award now and the reaction the announcement is receiving say a few things to me:

1) Things were not good. Just the hope of a different kind of leadership for the world's most powerful country is worthy of the Nobel Prize. It is a nice reminder of the extent to which our nation is seen as a beacon of hope for those who dream of peace.

2) It occurs to me that they should maybe have given the prize to American voters who elected Obama. If his presence in the Oval Office moves peace forward so significantly, then those who put him there should get the prize. Hmmm. I might feel slighted.

3) People are really not able to put party politics aside. Republicans are mad that he won.* Actually angry. Can we not all agree that it's a good thing for the American president to be seen a leader in the world's efforts toward peace? I understand that it may seem like the guy you didn't want to win is now being celebrated before he accomplishes anything, but if you want to be partisan about it, then take some credit for just how bad your guy must have been before him!

4) If President Obama is a weak choice for such a momentous honor, assume it's because it has been a slow year in peace-making, get off your ass, and get to work. At best, you'll win it next year, at worst, you'll move us all a little closer to the peaceful world of which we all dream.**

* Probably not all Republicans. But a few of my friends were quick to jump on it and I've seen a lot of other chatter on line. Don't mean to generalize too greatly.
** "we all" being non-psychotic people who aren't terrorists

And You Thought Real Estate Was Boring!

It's Saturday afternoon and I just left an adult book store.

The business is located in a building that my real estate company manages. I was there to show a neighboring vacancy to a prospective tenant. When he had not yet arrived* several minutes after our appointed meeting time, I went into the store, introduced myself, and asked whether anyone had stopped in looking for me.

Without missing a beat and with the faintest hint of a smile on her lips (and a somewhat less faint grin in her eyes), the clerk assured me that everyone who had been there today had only been looking for one thing.

I think I need to spend more time with the employees of such establishments. That brief moment told me that these are people with senses of humor and that, from them, there is comedy to be had.


*He never arrived. It's cool, though. I had been hoping to spend part of my day off hanging out in a sweltering hot, vacant bar/grill, so really, I should be thanking him. So should anyone else who ever wants to meet with me on a weekend and has trouble convincing me to accept the appointment.
_

I Could Be A World Champion

In about 36 hours, maybe a little less, we'll know (well, I'll know and then I'll probably share it here in about a month 'cause that seems to be what I do, at the moment) if I am a World Champion!

"For what championship is Michael competing?" you may wonder. "Is he competing against other regional Funniest Jew winners?" "Is there a world's laziest man competition?" "Worst housekeeper in the world?"

No, no, and no to those last three. But if you know of any of those competitions, please let me know. I've been practicing for all of them.

I am a member of Born in the Que-S-A, a team competing in the Memphis in May World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest, an incredibly smoky and fun festival on the banks of the Mississippi River in downtown Memphis. It started a couple of days ago and judging is tomorrow.

I don't really know how they judge and rank 200 or so different ribs, but hopefully they'll rank us first! I'll keep you posted. If we win, I assume the Memphis community will be throwing us a ticker-tape parade. Maybe we'll be invited to the White House. Who knows?!?

Now, please enjoy the story, told through facebook status updates, of my drive home from the first night of the contest. It is a little reminiscent of unexpected, undesired, unenjoyable late night car adventures of the past:

Michael Danziger Is stuck in traffic. You'd think that'd be some kind of metaphor at 11:30 at night, but it's not.Wed 11:33pm · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger May very well spend the night on I-240.Wed 11:54pm · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Is glad he used the port-o-potty before leaving bbq fest. Interstate wait: one hour and counting.Yesterday at 12:13am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Has gone 1/10 of a mile in the last 80 minutes...in a car.Yesterday at 12:38am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Will get home early next Wednesday morning, at this rate, but they'll probably clear the road sooner.Yesterday at 12:45am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Sees a police car ahead moving! Does this mean I might also move soon?Yesterday at 1:06am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Is about to move! .3 miles in 2 hours!Yesterday at 1:12am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Is home. 2 1/2 hours after leaving downtown. It would have been faster to go the other direction to Little Rock!Yesterday at 1:39am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Asinine Ads or Cockamamy Commercials (You Choose)

Very, very early in the life of ZiggyBackRide, the staff here wrote about television advertisements that had us wondering for one reason or another. Now, a few years later*, a new crop of positively puzzling pitches has emerged.

1) Jergens Natural Glow - The voiceover in the commercial for this bronzing body cream asks the question, "With Jergens, who needs the sun?" Perhaps the fine folks over at Jergens are under the impression that the sun is merely nature's outdated tanning lamp and, if they are religious folks, proof of God's insistence that each of us must maintain a natural glow. As important as that glow is**, unless Jergens' exciting new product can prevent the instantaneous freezing of our planet and the resulting end of all life thereupon, I'm gonna stand by the idea that all of us still need the sun.

2) Hallmark Recordable Cards - Hallmark is advertising greeting cards that allow you to record a message. The commercial shows a family sitting around the table as the guest of honor opens a card from someone who couldn't make it. They are all quite moved as the voice of the card's sender lets the receiver know how special the receiver is and how badly the sender wishes she could be there. The Voiceover boils it all down for us, saying, that now we can "give the gift of voice." My question is this: Where are Hallmark's offices located that the people who work there have never heard of the telephone. The rest of us have been using it for decades to "give the gift of voice." The Hallmarkers really need to get out more!

* There have been plenty of other asinine ads/cockamamy commercials since the early posts, but our staff has been occupied with higher priorities.
** It is not important at all. In fact, glowing can generally be considered dangerous.

Some Brutal Honesty About Some Honest Brutality

I have come to enjoy reading "The Week," a magazine that summarizes many of the previous week's top news stories and what various news outlets had to say about them. This week's "The Week" included a briefing entitled "Mexico's brutal drug war." It included the following passages...

Last month, drug traffickers threatened to kill one police officer in Juarez [a town on the US border] every 48 hours unless Police Chief Roberto Orduna Cruz stepped down. When he refused, his deputy turned up mutilated and dead, followed by another officer and a jail guard. Cruz finally resigned his post and fled the city.

and...

Mexican drug gangs have extended their operations to at least 230 U.S. cities, according to the Justice Department, which calls the Mexican cartels "the biggest organized crime threat to the U.S." In recent weeks, police in Atlanta and Phoenix have blamed a wave of kidnappings and home invasions on the cartels' turf war. "The situation in Mexico is very, very dangerous for everyone, including the U.S.," says former Justice Dept. official Philip Heymann. "The situation hasn't reigstered in the mind-set of Americans, but it will."

According to a related piece in the same magazine, Secretary of State Hilary Clinton said last week that Americans' "insatiable" demand for illegal drugs is a major cause of Mexico's bloody drug war.

So here's the honesty:

If you use illegal drugs (yes, that includes marijuana), you are responsible for this. Not wholly responsible, of course, but you are helping make it happen. I don't care if you think drugs should be legal*. I don't care if you rarely use, I don't care if you never sell, and I don't care if you only do it in the privacy of your home. If you are using drugs, you deserve some credit for violence and fear that are rampant in Mexico and becoming more and more a part of life in the U.S. If you use illegal drugs, do us all a favor and don't ever fool yourself into believing that you're not hurting anyone and don't ever let anyone who uses convince you that they're not responsible for this. They are putting you and me and every one of our neighbors in danger.

Hope you're having a great weekend! Check back tomorrow for lighter fare regarding some troubling television commercials.

* If you think drugs should be legal, you should absolutely work to have the laws changed. But disagreement with the law is not an excuse to break it, especially when doing so would contribute to the aforementioned violence and terror.

It's Not What It Looks Like

Hi. Yeah, it's really good to see you, too. I know, it's been too long. You look great. So what's new?

There! We got our awkward conversation out of the way and I think we're over the hump created by my lack of presence in this relationship of late. There is, however, more awkward talking to be done as I tell you that I am now a contributor to a new blog.

No! It's not what it looks like. This blog is still my love. The other one? No, it's not better. It's... different. It is a collaborative site about life in Memphis. Check it out at www.memphisconnect.com. As a matter of fact, I posted on that site this morning regarding Memphis's first game in the NCAA tournament.

As for ZiggyBackRide, I have much to tell you after my post-inauguration blogging sabbatical. From comedy to romance to musical theater to condo leadership, the journey to this day from January 20th has been chock full of wonderful* stories. I shall happily share them with you beginning..........NOW!

It's good to be back!

* quite subjective

Dear President Bush: A Letter From All Of Us

Dear President Bush,

As I watched you depart the Capitol aboard a Marine helicopter, and then Andrews AFB aboard an Air Force jet*, I couldn't help but marvel at the array of emotions that must have been washing over and coursing through you. Among countless others, I imagine there was significant relief, as well as nostalgia, maybe some sadness, and probably some uncertainty (about what's next**). The moment made me consider my feelings toward you as your time in office has come to an end.

The servant and patriot in me say "thank you." Thank you for the work that you did as the leader of our nation. I often disagreed with your ways of thinking and doing, but I appreciate the personal sacrifices you and your family made in order for you to hold this pressure-filled and lonely office, and I appreciate the effort you were putting forth to serve our nation, and to keep it safe and prosperous.

The comedian in me says "come back!" I miss you already. You were very helpful to me as I embarked upon a "career" as a stand-up comic and for that I am grateful. You made statements like, "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." As much as I feel for your staffers for the years that statements like that must have taken off their lives, you often made my day (albeit in a bit of a sad way). I find it hard to believe that President Obama will be as funny as you were, so please, don't be a stranger.

The human being/citizen of the world in me says "finally!" Quite frankly, it often felt as though Godzilla was occupying the Oval Office and that anything that displeased the giant lizard-in-chief or got in its way would be destroyed. I suspect that America's standing in the minds and hearts of most of the world's citizens has jumped significantly since President Obama's election and during the transition. That excites me very much, so please, be a stranger.

The leader in me says "good riddance." For the last eight years, it killed me that you so often appeared unable to recognize or admit a mistake, or to change course when something wasn't working. I think you listened to the wrong people (or didn't listen to the right ones or weren't good at deciding whom to listen to) and I suspect that poor decisions were made in processes that will be embarrassing to us all when your staff goes on to other jobs and the stories of the Bush West Wing are shared.

The optimist (and Rob Schneider impersonator) in me says "you can do it!" As an ex-President, you have wonderful opportunities to serve as an ambassador of our country and of noble causes. You have the chance to shed light on and continue to impact the way our nation is governed. You are in a unique position to speak out when something needs to be said or to act when something important needs to be done. You may even be endowed with certain super powers!***

The dude in me says "let's hang out some time." Through it all, you've always seemed like a guy with whom it's probably a lot of fun to watch a game and eat some bbq.

Finally, the blogger in me says "stop by and read up!" Perhaps you will be visitor number 21,000! While in office, you provided much material for the staff here at ZiggyBackRide and for all of our visitors. It wouldn't have been the same without you. I mean, it wouldn't have been a whole lot different. But definitely a little bit.

Thanks, Mr. President, and best wishes to you and Mrs. Bush. Onward and upward!
Sincerely (I tried "Love" first, but I thought it seemed a bit much),
Z

*The flying machines formerly known as Marine One and Air Force One. When you are not the sitting President, those names are not given your transports as I understand it.
**Insert your own W Presidential Library joke here. The comedian in me thinks I'll be seeing him headlining comedy clubs all over for his speaking tour.
***If SNL should choose to revive its old Ex-Presidents cartoon shorts.

Morning In America

This post, of course, is not to be confused with this one from October of 2005. This post, possibly the first of many today (but you never know; my blogging promises are hollow, indeed!), refers to the words of the famous "It's morning in America" campaign ad run in my much younger years by Ronald Reagan.

I unintentionally awoke at about 5:00 this morning and was unable to go back to sleep. I don't know if it was out of excitement for today's inauguration, because I went to bed early in preparation for an early morning workout, or just because I'm dumb. I was awake, though, for good and decided to go downstairs and see what inaugural coverage was already on. I was glued to the tv screen as I watched crowds pouring onto the National Mall as the sun rose behind the Capitol. It was an incredibly meaningful and moving view of hope and excitement, recommitment and joy inspired by the feel of a new day dawning. I think it's fair to say that I've never been choked up so many times before 6:30 a.m.

Eventually, I peeled myself away from the television and went to the gym, where I watched the coverage continue and the crowd in D.C. grow ever larger. In a moment that I still have not been able to fully mentally synthesize, hip-hop artist and actor Bow Wow offered commentary on the meaning of this day from CNN studios in the capital. One day, I'm sure I'll know what to make of that.

(Don't call him "Little") Bow Wow aside, I am so excited to see so many of my fellow Americans so fired up about our nation and our future. May the hope and pride of this day persevere to be part of every day to come for us and for people all over the world.

Nothing Like It

There is nothing like a dream to create the future.
-Victor Hugo

MLK certainly would have agreed with Hugo on this, as he found it important to share his dream - not just in the famous speech, but in all his speeches and work - with his fellow citizens. And King's dream has, indeed, served to create the future - our present. That we are inaugurating Barack Obama President of The United States tomorrow is not proof of "the dream" realized, but it is undeniable proof that some dreams from days of old comprise today's reality - things that once could not be now are.

Dr. King would be proud of this progress, but would be quick to remind us that Obama's election (or anyone's, for that matter) to our highest office is meaningless if he doesn't lead with love, spiritual integrity, and an insatiable hunger for justice and peace. Consider MLK's words, below...

I am not interested in power for power's sake, but I'm interested in power that is moral, that is right and that is good.

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal.

The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.

We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now.

Means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek.

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.

A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.

The greatest connection between MLK's birthday, celebrated today, and tomorrow's inauguration is not that our first African-American President will be sworn into office. The connection is that we have elected a leader who recognizes the wisdom in MLK's words, who will illustrate those words with Presidential actions, and who will ask every American and every citizen of the world to do it, too.

Let us all join him in pursuing the dreams of prosperity and goodness, justice and peace. May God bless you (for reading ZiggyBackRide) and may God continue to shower blessing upon The United States of America.

3X = Charm?

The Pittsburgh Steelers are one win away from another trip to the Super Bowl; two wins from another world championship.

This is the third time in less than a year that a favorite team of mine has been one of the last teams standing, within striking distance of an unforgettable championship.

With just over two minutes to play in the NCAA basketball championship last April, Memphis appeared headed for its first national title. We all know what happened there.

With two seconds remaining, the Texas Longhorns football team had the lead in a game against Texas Tech that proved to be its final regular season test. If the next second had gone differently, all evidence suggests Texas would have had the chance to play for the national championship. Much evidence suggests they should have anyway.

For such a successful sports year, it has certainly had its sour moments.

Here we go again. Let's see if the third time's a charm. If you have a Terrible Towel, wave it!

'Tis The Season No Longer

Happy 2009! We here at ZiggyBackRide hope that you enjoyed any holidays you may have been celebrating of late and that your new year is off to a fantastic start. Mine is. So far, '09 has included an evening of Latin dancing in celebration of a good friend's birthday, several days of computer use uninterrupted by malfunction (I hope that doesn't jinx anything!), and a fantastic Tostitos Fiesta Bowl victory by the Texas Longhorns.

What an exciting way the last-minute victory over Ohio State was to finish an unexpectedly great season! Has any school made more of its BCS bowl appearances? Texas has been to three, won all three, and been losing in the final minute of each of those games. Not that there would be anything wrong with blowing someone out once in a while, but it's pretty cool that the 'Horns have been not only victorious, but entertaining, to boot.

I am not worried about whether Texas may be voted AP national champions - I don't think there's any chance. I think that was an incredibly remote possibility to begin with and, now that USC earned the same record and an impressive bowl win and Utah finished a perfect season with an equally impressive victory, it would really make no sense now. I also believe that Utah has the biggest gripe of all teams not playing in tonight's national championship, as they were eliminated from title contention before the first play of the season because of their conference affiliation.

All that's left now is to hope that Oklahoma doesn't go out and embarrass the Big XII and waste the opportunity it was given to play in the big game. Usually, the Sooners will do anything, it seems, to screw Texas or make the conference look bad (see their last four BCS appearances). Hopefully, they'll put that pettiness aside tonight and actually try to win. I think - and it's hard to type this - that I'm rooting for them.*

It has been another fun, crazy, enjoyable season of my favorite sport. I'm already looking forward to late August when it will begin anew and the Longhorns will march, once again, toward college football greatness.**

My apologies for the lack of high-level, season-ending poetry like I offered here at the end of a previous season. Check back soon to find out who our 20,000th visitor was and what he/she gets for his/her fortunate timing!


*That's only if one of the teams must win. If there's a way for both to lose, that's my preference.
**And by greatness, I mean a national championship and a Heisman Trophy for Colt McCoy, though even if neither of those happens, there's really no avoiding greatness as long as you're wearing burnt orange.
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