I Could Be A World Champion

In about 36 hours, maybe a little less, we'll know (well, I'll know and then I'll probably share it here in about a month 'cause that seems to be what I do, at the moment) if I am a World Champion!

"For what championship is Michael competing?" you may wonder. "Is he competing against other regional Funniest Jew winners?" "Is there a world's laziest man competition?" "Worst housekeeper in the world?"

No, no, and no to those last three. But if you know of any of those competitions, please let me know. I've been practicing for all of them.

I am a member of Born in the Que-S-A, a team competing in the Memphis in May World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest, an incredibly smoky and fun festival on the banks of the Mississippi River in downtown Memphis. It started a couple of days ago and judging is tomorrow.

I don't really know how they judge and rank 200 or so different ribs, but hopefully they'll rank us first! I'll keep you posted. If we win, I assume the Memphis community will be throwing us a ticker-tape parade. Maybe we'll be invited to the White House. Who knows?!?

Now, please enjoy the story, told through facebook status updates, of my drive home from the first night of the contest. It is a little reminiscent of unexpected, undesired, unenjoyable late night car adventures of the past:

Michael Danziger Is stuck in traffic. You'd think that'd be some kind of metaphor at 11:30 at night, but it's not.Wed 11:33pm · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger May very well spend the night on I-240.Wed 11:54pm · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Is glad he used the port-o-potty before leaving bbq fest. Interstate wait: one hour and counting.Yesterday at 12:13am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Has gone 1/10 of a mile in the last 80 minutes...in a car.Yesterday at 12:38am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Will get home early next Wednesday morning, at this rate, but they'll probably clear the road sooner.Yesterday at 12:45am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Sees a police car ahead moving! Does this mean I might also move soon?Yesterday at 1:06am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Is about to move! .3 miles in 2 hours!Yesterday at 1:12am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Michael Danziger Is home. 2 1/2 hours after leaving downtown. It would have been faster to go the other direction to Little Rock!Yesterday at 1:39am · Comment · LikeUnlike

Ate Mor Chikin

There is a lot that I have to tell you, including my weekend trip to a team-building and leadership development center in Arkansas and including the fact that I am now the proud owner of a wet/dry shopvac, a new hot water heater, and some smelly carpet (the three items I own are, indeed, related and the battle between me and the carpet for the smell of my home is on. It will be an epic battle. I must win. Or else must will win.)

Those things, while incredibly interesting, are not what this post is about, though. This post is about the following:

That's right, ZiggyBackRiders, I have just returned home from all-you-can-eat nugget night at Chick-fil-A. My good friend, Kevin, and I had been seeing it advertised for this very night on the restaurant's marquee for the last couple of weeks. We thought, first to ourselves, and then aloud to one another, "Should we?"

Ignoring the obvious, correct answer to that question, we did. $10 was the cost* for all the nuggets, fries, and drink you wished to enjoy. A number of people took advantage of the "deal" - this was the first time I've ever had trouble finding parking at a Chick-fil-A.

The system was simple. You start with a 12 pack and a punchcard. The card has a 12, an 8, a 6, and five 4's on it. The 12 is punched when you take your first batch to the table. When you are ready for more, bring the card up, they punch the 8 and give you an 8 pack. Then the 6, then the 4's. The card system (left) takes you through nuggets 1-46. You don't have to stop at 46, though, as it is truly all you can eat (there was a kid next to us that was at 70 when we left - his table created the stack of boxes pictured above, left), but in the end, Kevin and I decided that 46 was a good** place to stop.

(Left: Kevin and I pose with our punched cards and our garbage. I appear sweaty, but that's just chicken coming out of my pores.

Right: My friend, Lauren, was also there - not so much eating, but supporting her friends, one of whom, the 70-eater, is pictured below.)

Now, this is all funny and tasty, but the Health and Science staff here at ZiggyBackRide wishes to convey that this is not healthy behavior. It is certainly not okay to engage in such activities on a regular basis and is probably not okay to ever eat in this way. If you must, be sure you aware of what you are putting in your body.

http://www.calorie-count.com/calories/item/110300.html

I carefully squeezed excess grease off each nugget, so I figure I saved a few grams of fat here and there. Not bad, eh? That's why I felt it was okay to skip the diet drink and go with Coca-Cola, or, as I like to call it, America in Liquid Form.

As I left the restaurant, I headed home and immediately began calling friends that would want to know about this adventure. I knew, all along, that it was messed up to do this, but I believe it might be even more ridiculous that friends from coast-to-coast would be excited to know. I didn't have long to talk to people, though...

(Left: Me in the bathroom.***)

* The cost was actually $10 plus tax plus several years off our lives.

** All the better places to stop had already been passed up. 46 was, at that point, as good as it could get.
*** This is the first time I've ever taken a picture of myself on the toilet. You'd think it'll be the last, too, but I simply can not promise that. It's all about honesty, folks.)