Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Without a Car in the World

The last several hours went something like this....

10:45 p.m. - returned home from a fun and successful comedy performance
11:oo - decided to go the grocery store to get some fruit and a few other things; drove to a Kroger store a few miles from my house
11:30ish - checked out with 5 items
11:32 - pulled out of my parking space, noticing immediately that something was amiss
11:32 and 11 seconds - realized front passenger tire was completely flat
11:43 - after discovering that I was missing a needed tool to change the tire myself, called AAA. They took my info and informed me that someone would be out in about an hour. I took my new ice cream back inside the store and put it in a freezer near the checkout.
12:06 a.m. - Call my friend Anna whose birthday is today. She's in Arizona where it's still yesterday, but in Memphis, it's her birthday. She understood.
12:43 - no sign of help. I call AAA back. Just as I'm starting to talk, the truck pulls in. Amazing!
12:55 - Old tire in the trunk, spare tire on the car, I'm ready to go. I go inside and get my ice cream back.
12:58 - Pulled out of my 2nd parking space and, as I'm pulling out onto the street, feel that something is amiss, once again. I pull over to the right and get out. The spare tire is flat. It was not flat at 12:55.
1:00 - Called AAA and explained that I would be needing further assistance - a tow this time, as I had run plum out of tires. They informed me that someone would be out in about an hour. I took my ice cream back into the store and put it in the freezer.
2:00 - After an hour of wandering and kicking a rock around an increasingly quiet Kroger parking lot, as well as perusing RSVP, a local social scene magazine, to see who went to what party , I called AAA, hoping that the same magic would occur and a truck would pull in just as I began to talk. Not so fast my friend.
2:05 - I am on hold while they try to radio the wrecker driver and see why he has not rescued me.
2:10 - on hold
2:17 - on hold
2:22 - on hold
2:26 - AAA representative suggests that I let them call me back in a few minutes so we don't kill my cell phone. One of the night's smarter moments. I go back out into the deserted parking lot to look for my kicking rock. One of the night's dumber moments.
2:34 - AAA calls. They don't know what happened to the truck that was supposed to come. Another truck is coming. It'll be about 40 minutes. More wandering and loitering. I dozed for a second in the seat of a motorized shopping cart for the elderly and disabled.
3:09 - Truck arrives. Huzzah! Car is loaded up. I go back into the store to once again retrieve my ice cream.
3:31 - Truck pulls into my condo complex to drop me off. Driver recalls the time he was called to the complex (I have no idea in what capacity) by the police when neighbors of mine (whom I did not, and do not, know) were busted for a child pornography ring. Good times.
3:33 - I'm home at last and my car is on it's way to "the shop," which I will need to call in the morning to explain why my car is in its parking lot.
3:34 - I get a spoon.
3:35 - I open my ice cream and wake up the computer.
3:36 - I begin telling you of my adventures in East Memphis, and end by telling you that there's a Kroger right across the street from where I live. I drove to the other one so I could listen to a song in the car.

Good night!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you had a pretty shitty day. Also, too bad you didn't go to Kroger at a normal hour--I'm almost always there

Michael "Ziggy" Danziger said...

Oddly, "anonymous," I was more amused than upset by the whole thing. Only slightly more, though, and that's before I buy a new tire, so we'll see how it balances out in the end.

Also, in answer to the question burning in everyone's mind, the song I wanted to listen to - and this may be the best part of the story - was Meat Loaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)." It's a fave!

Anonymous said...

Just reading this story stressed me out!
I would've just eaten the ice cream while I waited...

Glad you're ok and I hope that your raisin pearl car is too!!!

ben said...

i have to agree with sarah (was there really any question that was coming?) in that i would have eaten the ice cream whilst i waited as well. i would have probably eaten the whole carton, justifying it under some sort of "when you're in a stressful situation you can eat whatever you want to" rule, much like george costanza's "eating at a ball game doesn't really count as eating" rule.

the question remains, however, why you didn't just put your iPod headphones on, cue it up to meatloaf, and walk to the kroger across the street in the first place?? you're one of us now (iPod users), you need to start thinking like one.

also, why is "anonymous" almost always at kroger?? that's the strangest thing i've ever heard.