In about 36 hours, maybe a little less, we'll know (well, I'll know and then I'll probably share it here in about a month 'cause that seems to be what I do, at the moment) if I am a World Champion!
"For what championship is Michael competing?" you may wonder. "Is he competing against other regional Funniest Jew winners?" "Is there a world's laziest man competition?" "Worst housekeeper in the world?"
No, no, and no to those last three. But if you know of any of those competitions, please let me know. I've been practicing for all of them.
I am a member of Born in the Que-S-A, a team competing in the Memphis in May World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest, an incredibly smoky and fun festival on the banks of the Mississippi River in downtown Memphis. It started a couple of days ago and judging is tomorrow.
I don't really know how they judge and rank 200 or so different ribs, but hopefully they'll rank us first! I'll keep you posted. If we win, I assume the Memphis community will be throwing us a ticker-tape parade. Maybe we'll be invited to the White House. Who knows?!?
Now, please enjoy the story, told through facebook status updates, of my drive home from the first night of the contest. It is a little reminiscent of unexpected, undesired, unenjoyable late night car adventures of the past:
Michael Danziger Is stuck in traffic. You'd think that'd be some kind of metaphor at 11:30 at night, but it's not.Wed 11:33pm · Comment · LikeUnlike
Michael Danziger May very well spend the night on I-240.Wed 11:54pm · Comment · LikeUnlike
Michael Danziger Is glad he used the port-o-potty before leaving bbq fest. Interstate wait: one hour and counting.Yesterday at 12:13am · Comment · LikeUnlike
Michael Danziger Has gone 1/10 of a mile in the last 80 minutes...in a car.Yesterday at 12:38am · Comment · LikeUnlike
Michael Danziger Will get home early next Wednesday morning, at this rate, but they'll probably clear the road sooner.Yesterday at 12:45am · Comment · LikeUnlike
Michael Danziger Sees a police car ahead moving! Does this mean I might also move soon?Yesterday at 1:06am · Comment · LikeUnlike
Michael Danziger Is about to move! .3 miles in 2 hours!Yesterday at 1:12am · Comment · LikeUnlike
Michael Danziger Is home. 2 1/2 hours after leaving downtown. It would have been faster to go the other direction to Little Rock!Yesterday at 1:39am · Comment · LikeUnlike
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Friday, May 15, 2009
Monday, May 19, 2008
Love My Maw, Love My Paw...
But I just love ol' Arkansas (Mississippi and Louisiana, too)!
4 days
3 great shows in
3 synagogues in
3 states...
Michael "Ziggy" Danziger's Deep South Jewish Comedy Road Trip '08 (or the MZDDSJCRT08, for short) has come and gone, and was a lot of fun. The audiences were great in all three cities, I got to see a lot of friends, ate incredible baked goods at Ambrosia bakery in Hot Springs, was called Kathy Lee Griffith* by a gas station attendant in Arkansas, hurriedly ate Mexican food - which I was certain I would regurgitate during that evening's show - with the temple youth group in Jackson, MS, and recommended - in the course of my shows - that all three congregations consider offering anus perfume as a Purim carnival prize in the future. Needless to say, this was a fantastic experience!
I drove a rental car - provided by the institution that organized this little tour** - rather than my purple car, now well-known from the "Me and My Purple Car" series on this very site. The rental - a Chevy Malibu - had all sorts of features that my distinguished older vehicle does not. The one that got much of my attention was the real-time miles-per-gallon notifier. Watching the effect of every press of the pedals on the gas mileage was absolutely fascinating. I couldn't take my eyes off it. Unfortunately, it was not located on the road, where my eyes should have been! I'm lucky to tell the tale. In this epoch of ultimate concern over fuel economy, it was interesting and every driver would probably benefit from seeing how various driving habits affect what we can get out of each tank. However, if you get caught up in numbers as I do***, you might want to avoid this feature for safety's sake.
I'm tired. More later.
* The attendant, either crazy or bored, kept calling me different names at the end of each sentence. Most were men's names and most were just a first name. Then came Kathy Lee Griffith, which was, perhaps, supposed to be Kathy Lee Gifford or, possibly, Kathy Griffin. Or maybe she meant just what she said.
** The Goldring/Woldenberg Institute of Southern Jewish Life was responsible for organizing the MZDDSJCRT08.
*** For instance, I drove 1320 miles over the course of four days. At that rate, I would drive 120,450 miles in a normal year; 120,780 in this leap year.
4 days
3 great shows in
3 synagogues in
3 states...
Michael "Ziggy" Danziger's Deep South Jewish Comedy Road Trip '08 (or the MZDDSJCRT08, for short) has come and gone, and was a lot of fun. The audiences were great in all three cities, I got to see a lot of friends, ate incredible baked goods at Ambrosia bakery in Hot Springs, was called Kathy Lee Griffith* by a gas station attendant in Arkansas, hurriedly ate Mexican food - which I was certain I would regurgitate during that evening's show - with the temple youth group in Jackson, MS, and recommended - in the course of my shows - that all three congregations consider offering anus perfume as a Purim carnival prize in the future. Needless to say, this was a fantastic experience!
I drove a rental car - provided by the institution that organized this little tour** - rather than my purple car, now well-known from the "Me and My Purple Car" series on this very site. The rental - a Chevy Malibu - had all sorts of features that my distinguished older vehicle does not. The one that got much of my attention was the real-time miles-per-gallon notifier. Watching the effect of every press of the pedals on the gas mileage was absolutely fascinating. I couldn't take my eyes off it. Unfortunately, it was not located on the road, where my eyes should have been! I'm lucky to tell the tale. In this epoch of ultimate concern over fuel economy, it was interesting and every driver would probably benefit from seeing how various driving habits affect what we can get out of each tank. However, if you get caught up in numbers as I do***, you might want to avoid this feature for safety's sake.
I'm tired. More later.
* The attendant, either crazy or bored, kept calling me different names at the end of each sentence. Most were men's names and most were just a first name. Then came Kathy Lee Griffith, which was, perhaps, supposed to be Kathy Lee Gifford or, possibly, Kathy Griffin. Or maybe she meant just what she said.
** The Goldring/Woldenberg Institute of Southern Jewish Life was responsible for organizing the MZDDSJCRT08.
*** For instance, I drove 1320 miles over the course of four days. At that rate, I would drive 120,450 miles in a normal year; 120,780 in this leap year.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
The Agony And The Ecstasy
A:Yesterday, Southwest Airlines lost my luggage on my way to a wedding.
E:The bag was found and was just delivered to my hotel in time for me to be properly dressed and on time to tonight's ceremony (provided I compose this quickly!)
A:I shopped at Wal-Mart yesterday afternoon for a last-minute rehearsal dinner outfit.
E:I've never looked so good for $21.
A:I was on an unneccesary shopping trip at Wal-Mart, spending money I hadn't planned to spend, buying clothes I shouldn't have needed.
E:The Wal-Mart happened to be located in Austin, TX and happened to carry an extensive line of low-priced Texas Longhorns apparel.
A:Texas lost in basketball today, at the last second, to Wisconsin. It was a game the Horns should have/could have won.
E:I was there!
A:I have eaten migas* twice in less than 24 hours.
E:I have eaten migas* twice in lees than 24 hours.
*Migas are a tex-mex breakfast dish consisting of eggs, cheese, tortillas, onions, and tomatoes (depending on recipe). They are tasty. I'm not completely convinced they're good for you.
E:The bag was found and was just delivered to my hotel in time for me to be properly dressed and on time to tonight's ceremony (provided I compose this quickly!)
A:I shopped at Wal-Mart yesterday afternoon for a last-minute rehearsal dinner outfit.
E:I've never looked so good for $21.
A:I was on an unneccesary shopping trip at Wal-Mart, spending money I hadn't planned to spend, buying clothes I shouldn't have needed.
E:The Wal-Mart happened to be located in Austin, TX and happened to carry an extensive line of low-priced Texas Longhorns apparel.
A:Texas lost in basketball today, at the last second, to Wisconsin. It was a game the Horns should have/could have won.
E:I was there!
A:I have eaten migas* twice in less than 24 hours.
E:I have eaten migas* twice in lees than 24 hours.
*Migas are a tex-mex breakfast dish consisting of eggs, cheese, tortillas, onions, and tomatoes (depending on recipe). They are tasty. I'm not completely convinced they're good for you.
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