Asinine Ads or Cockamamy Commercials (You Choose)

Very, very early in the life of ZiggyBackRide, the staff here wrote about television advertisements that had us wondering for one reason or another. Now, a few years later*, a new crop of positively puzzling pitches has emerged.

1) Jergens Natural Glow - The voiceover in the commercial for this bronzing body cream asks the question, "With Jergens, who needs the sun?" Perhaps the fine folks over at Jergens are under the impression that the sun is merely nature's outdated tanning lamp and, if they are religious folks, proof of God's insistence that each of us must maintain a natural glow. As important as that glow is**, unless Jergens' exciting new product can prevent the instantaneous freezing of our planet and the resulting end of all life thereupon, I'm gonna stand by the idea that all of us still need the sun.

2) Hallmark Recordable Cards - Hallmark is advertising greeting cards that allow you to record a message. The commercial shows a family sitting around the table as the guest of honor opens a card from someone who couldn't make it. They are all quite moved as the voice of the card's sender lets the receiver know how special the receiver is and how badly the sender wishes she could be there. The Voiceover boils it all down for us, saying, that now we can "give the gift of voice." My question is this: Where are Hallmark's offices located that the people who work there have never heard of the telephone. The rest of us have been using it for decades to "give the gift of voice." The Hallmarkers really need to get out more!

* There have been plenty of other asinine ads/cockamamy commercials since the early posts, but our staff has been occupied with higher priorities.
** It is not important at all. In fact, glowing can generally be considered dangerous.

December Hush

The end of 2007 saw a flurry of activity here on ZiggyBackRide as I presented a November/December Rush - honoring the craptacularity of the movie "August Rush" with frequent (for me) blog posts. There were eight posts last December. This makes three for 12/08.

It has been a lackluster finish to a fine year here, but with good reason. My computer has been giving me the dreaded "blue screen." You know the one.

"Beginning dump of physical memory."
"Physical memory dump complete."

I'm not positive about that wording, but I know I see the word "dump" a couple of times and it always feels rather appropriate.

Anyway, we find ourselves now on the brink of another calendar year and inquisitive Riders can't help but wonder what might be in store. It is my distinct pleasure to share two items with you that shall certainly help define '09.

1) This site will soon welcome its 20,000th visitor. This approaching milestone shall stand as a celebration of victory and a beacon of hope for all.* Please be sure to let us know, using the comment feature, if the visitor counter to the right tells you that you are number 20K. History shall surely wish to record your important achievement.

2) In a harsh blow to New Year's Resolutions already in place, as well as to those yet to be made, a new breakfast item has been introduced, and will most certainly see wider distribution in the next twelve months. For those of you have not had the pleasure of making its acquaintance, allow me to introduce** the Dough-nini. This savory sandwich features sausage, egg, and cheese stacked tastefully and tastily between two grilled, glazed doughnuts. It is available now at a Mapco Mart just west of Nashville. I suspect it is available elsewhere, but that's where I saw it. It did not appear that they invented the culinary delight, nor that they had the sole right to offer it for sale. I suspect that 2009 shall be every bit "the year of the Dough-nini."

It could be worse. They say breakfast is the most important meal.

* All, in this case, refers to me and to anyone that either has nothing to celebrate and no hope or no standards limiting what he or she will celebrate or take inspiration from.
** I took a blurry picture of a photo advertisement for the Dough-nini at the Mapco Mart. If I can get a better photo of the sandwich or figure out how to use that one properly, I'll share it here so you can behold the sight that had me giggling for several miles on Interstate 40.

.

How Long Have I Been Asleep?

In today's mail I received an offer for a free pedometer if I bought or renewed an AARP membership. There was also a coupon offering a special price of $8 for a hamburger combo at a favorite fast food outlet of mine.*

And I just saw a commercial for classes enrolling at Central Michigan University in Memphis.

Seriously. What year is this?


* It was a 1 lb. hamburger, but still!

November/December Rush

So begins a year-end onslaught of ZiggyBackRide posts. Break's over!

I saw August Rush the other night at a Memphis sneak preview showing. The trailer and commercials made it look like it was going to be a good movie. Several times during the film, itself, it looked as though it was about to get good.

It did not.

Just like when I saw The Village a couple of years ago, I couldn't stop laughing at the end. Just like The Village, August Rush is not a comedy. While I was laughing, I was worried that the others in my party (they were girls) were enjoying it and would be offended by my insensitivity.

They were not, and they were not, respectively (and, considering we all agreed on the movie, I was not. Got that?).

There was some decent music, there were good looking actors/actresses, there was a cute little kid in a supporting role. There were touching themes and moments, and a few humorous lines. Otherwise, it was crap. No part of the story was believable. Evidently, one Hollywood writer went on strike a little early.*

I just saw a commercial that quotes some reviewer as having said, "Audiences will stand and cheer." I don't recommend seeing this movie, but if you do, please let me know (via the comment feature)if the audience stands and cheers. Then, I will laugh again.

* It might have been two or three writers. However many wrote the movie, that's how many struck early, okay?

Commercial Literacy

I am a pretty well-educated person and, beyond the books, consider myself intelligent, with-it, and at least basically literate in most areas of common knowledge. Now, however, I find myself in an awkward place, having my faith in my own general cunningness being tested by... television commercials. That's right, commercials have pushed me to the limits of what is known to me.

What is a hemi? Do I have to drive a truck or a souped up old sports car to know? I'm sure it has something to do with an engine because in the commercials, two trucks pull up to a stoplight (usually somewhere in the desert where there doesn't even seem to be an intersecting road) and one driver leans out the window and asks his neighbor, "That thing got a hemi?" The neighbor counters with some sort of smug "well of course I have a hemi" answer and promptly leaves the questioner in the dust as the light turns green. It's very impressive. I want a hemi. Until I have one though, I can assure you that I won't be engaging in any conversations with my stop light neighbors!