This week saw some exciting beginnings. Wednesday was opening day at the URJ Henry S. Jacobs Camp in Utica, MS. I spent many - very many - a summer there as a camper and staff member, and was there as a "staff brat" prior to my camper years and as a "visiting professional" since my staff tenure came to an end. If I don't make it there during this summer's sessions, it will be the first time since around 1976 or '77 that I haven't been there during the season. At present, I have no concrete plans to visit. We'll see.
Even though I am no longer there, though, I still feel "it" on opening day. It's similar to how I still have a weird little feeling in my gut on the first and last day of school, though I am no longer on a school schedule, myself. Anyone who ever passed through the gates of my camp - or probably any other - on opening day is likely to have vivid memories of that excited, nervous feeling of wondering who your counselors would be, who would be in your cabin, would you be in time to pick a good bed, etc. Camp is a special thing. I feel for those who never had the experience and I expect I'll always know deep down when it's opening day.
In other news, Comedy,Tennessee, Memphis' new comedy club opened it's permanent location this week. Wednesday night was a soft opening for comics, friends of the club, sponsors and the like. Thursday night was the grand opening. I was privileged to perform there that night, opening for headliner, J. Scott Homan, whom I have now seen 5 times (3 in the last two days) and who entertains me greatly every time. I also performed at the early show Friday night. I have yet to have a great set in the new club, but I look forward to a breakout performance really soon! I think the pressure of being "Funniest Person in Memphis" is finally getting to me! It's tough man!
Okay, no. No it's not.
Did you ever take etymology (in which you study the parts and origins of words and phrases)? I did. They made us take it in high school. I found it fascinating. To this day, I often find myself wondering whence some of the things we say came. Last night, I said something to someone and they told me they “didn’t give a rat’s ass.” Rude, huh? Well, that’s okay. I’m not easily offended. But that did get me to wondering. Should my goal have been to say something so good and valuable that they would give a rat’s ass? Was there ever a time or place in the vast experience of humanity that a rat’s ass was considered substantial compensation for a job well done? “Thank you so much for that very valuable information! I feel like I owe you something. Hmmm… I know! How about this? What do you mean, ‘what is it?’ Why, it’s a rat’s ass, of course! No, don’t be silly! Take it. You’ve earned it, believe me.” **
** Yes, of course I recognize the fact that there’s an excellent chance you don’t give a rat’s ass about this, and I’m sorry. I hope one day to write something better. Maybe then you’ll give a rat’s ass. I hope so. I’m plumb out.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Chocolate on the Pants. A Shoe on the Foot.
Big day! I wore a shoe on my right foot for the first time in four weeks. Not for long, but still... what a feeling! I put the shoe on in order to ride an exercise bike - basically my first workout in four weeks. Yikes. I have gone quite soft. Soon, though, I will put a shoe back on and I will work out again. It's rather an elegant little plan I've put together, isn't it?
Earlier today, I met my parents and my nieces and nephew at an ice cream store for a few minutes to say hi. I sat in chocolate. It melted on my pants. The part of my pants that was directly over... well... the part of my posterior. Bulls-eye.
I don't know if you can envision this, but chocolate on your butt could, could look like... well... poop. That's no good. I was not far from home and figured I would go home and change pants. It was, however, nearing the end of the business day and I wouldn't need to be making many more public appearances in those pants. What a shame it would be, I thought, to have to go put on a whole new pair for just another hour or so of work. But people will think I have... well... poop on my pants, I pointed out to myself. And then it hit me...
Why on earth would anyone think I had... well... poop on my pants? Is there really any chance at all that I would have soiled myself, then thought, "No big deal! So there's... well... poop on my pants. That won't bother anyone. Not even me. I'll just work through it."
So I learned today that not only should we not assume that a brown stain on the rear indicates that its owner has... well... pooped on him or herself, but that if a person is walking around with such a stain, that is probably the most certain you could ever be that they have absolutely not... well... pooped.
You see? It's the clean-pantsed people we should worry about.
Earlier today, I met my parents and my nieces and nephew at an ice cream store for a few minutes to say hi. I sat in chocolate. It melted on my pants. The part of my pants that was directly over... well... the part of my posterior. Bulls-eye.
I don't know if you can envision this, but chocolate on your butt could, could look like... well... poop. That's no good. I was not far from home and figured I would go home and change pants. It was, however, nearing the end of the business day and I wouldn't need to be making many more public appearances in those pants. What a shame it would be, I thought, to have to go put on a whole new pair for just another hour or so of work. But people will think I have... well... poop on my pants, I pointed out to myself. And then it hit me...
Why on earth would anyone think I had... well... poop on my pants? Is there really any chance at all that I would have soiled myself, then thought, "No big deal! So there's... well... poop on my pants. That won't bother anyone. Not even me. I'll just work through it."
So I learned today that not only should we not assume that a brown stain on the rear indicates that its owner has... well... pooped on him or herself, but that if a person is walking around with such a stain, that is probably the most certain you could ever be that they have absolutely not... well... pooped.
You see? It's the clean-pantsed people we should worry about.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
See me. Feel me. Touch me. Heal me.
Well, see me, at least. I have comedy video on the web. Finally! I have known I should get this done for a long time, but alas, I'm am a lazy, lazy person. There will be more to follow and you should watch early and often.
I am using YouTube, source of such famous videos as the recent viral smash hit, "History of Dance." Perhaps me performing my bit about grandparents' nicknames will be the next big thing. Well... I mean... it won't. But if I put up a better clip someday, you never know!
Best way to get to the video is to go to www.laughwithziggy.com and click the video link on the opening page. There is, of course, a direct link to the video, but I don't remember it and wasn't smart enough to copy it before starting this post so that I could paste it in. I'm sorry, okay!
I hope you are having a great day! Thanks for Ziggybackriding!
*Those who are creeped out by the title of this post should know that those are lyrics from The Who's "Tommy," nothing more!
I am using YouTube, source of such famous videos as the recent viral smash hit, "History of Dance." Perhaps me performing my bit about grandparents' nicknames will be the next big thing. Well... I mean... it won't. But if I put up a better clip someday, you never know!
Best way to get to the video is to go to www.laughwithziggy.com and click the video link on the opening page. There is, of course, a direct link to the video, but I don't remember it and wasn't smart enough to copy it before starting this post so that I could paste it in. I'm sorry, okay!
I hope you are having a great day! Thanks for Ziggybackriding!
*Those who are creeped out by the title of this post should know that those are lyrics from The Who's "Tommy," nothing more!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
The Real World
Well, I'm back. Back in the real world. What's that you say? You didn't know I was gone? Yeah, I probably didn't mention (since I haven't been writing nearly enough) that I was going to camp last week. I spent the week in Utica, MS (probably story enough!) at Camp Dream Street, a summer camp for children with physical disabilities. It was about my 13th year helping out there and it was as incredibly fun, funny, and touching as ever. You can find out more about Dream Street and see pictures of all the fun at www.dreamstreetms.org.
I have long known that things happen at camp that just don't translate in the real world. Things that just don't compute with any sense of normal life. Never in my 13 years at Dream Street or my 20+ at the summer camp where I grew up has it ever been more evident. Three nights ago, for instance, there was a moment when I paused to look at the situation, and just burst out laughing. (Two things: keep in mind that I am a 30 year-old man who works in commercial real estate and stand-up comedy AND be sure to read this whole thing 'cause it's gonna sound weird for a minute.)
I was sitting in a makeshift camp radio studio wearing pajamas, boxer shorts outside the pajama bottoms, a pillow case cape, a sleep cap (you know the long stocking cap with a little ball on top that no one in real life - but everyone in story books - wears to sleep), and of course, my boot for the foot that is hopefully healing well. Yes, that is how I was dressed, and what was I doing? I was hosting a radio show for children who were taking showers. (this is the potentially weird part. hang in there. Okay, fine. I guess we're past potentially.) I just looked at myself and what I was doing, and thought, "Wow! What kind of life is this? And more importantly, how will I ever explain this to people at home and to the loyal readers of Ziggybackride?"
So, here's an attempt to explain. The pajamas, boxers, cape, and cap were all part of my superhero costume (the theme of the week was Superheroes). I was "The Snore: snoozing for justice, putting the bad guy to sleep, wearing pajamas!" (I think you have to imagine that being said by the movie preview voice. You know the one.) And the radio show? There's a little radio station at camp that can be picked up on an FM frequency. It can also be heard by some of the neighbors of the camp, which is a little embarrassing, though I seriously doubt they were tuning in to The Power Shower Hour on Radio Dream Street 100.3 FM! The show was packed with good music, witty banter and fun interviews with camp characters and others. It even included an interview with college football announcing great, Keith Jackson, though I played Keith and interviewed myself, which I'm told was highly entertaining for those in the studio to watch. Ziggybackride reader and Dream Street enthusiast, Ben Dorfman (of dorfmangoestohollywood.blogspot.com) even called in to the show. That was a new high/low for Radio Dream Street.
Okay, this is getting way too long. Suffice it to say that the week was wonderful, the kids had a great time, and we all got to do things that we rarely have the opportunity to do. I feel very, very lucky to have been a part of it.
I have long known that things happen at camp that just don't translate in the real world. Things that just don't compute with any sense of normal life. Never in my 13 years at Dream Street or my 20+ at the summer camp where I grew up has it ever been more evident. Three nights ago, for instance, there was a moment when I paused to look at the situation, and just burst out laughing. (Two things: keep in mind that I am a 30 year-old man who works in commercial real estate and stand-up comedy AND be sure to read this whole thing 'cause it's gonna sound weird for a minute.)
I was sitting in a makeshift camp radio studio wearing pajamas, boxer shorts outside the pajama bottoms, a pillow case cape, a sleep cap (you know the long stocking cap with a little ball on top that no one in real life - but everyone in story books - wears to sleep), and of course, my boot for the foot that is hopefully healing well. Yes, that is how I was dressed, and what was I doing? I was hosting a radio show for children who were taking showers. (this is the potentially weird part. hang in there. Okay, fine. I guess we're past potentially.) I just looked at myself and what I was doing, and thought, "Wow! What kind of life is this? And more importantly, how will I ever explain this to people at home and to the loyal readers of Ziggybackride?"
So, here's an attempt to explain. The pajamas, boxers, cape, and cap were all part of my superhero costume (the theme of the week was Superheroes). I was "The Snore: snoozing for justice, putting the bad guy to sleep, wearing pajamas!" (I think you have to imagine that being said by the movie preview voice. You know the one.) And the radio show? There's a little radio station at camp that can be picked up on an FM frequency. It can also be heard by some of the neighbors of the camp, which is a little embarrassing, though I seriously doubt they were tuning in to The Power Shower Hour on Radio Dream Street 100.3 FM! The show was packed with good music, witty banter and fun interviews with camp characters and others. It even included an interview with college football announcing great, Keith Jackson, though I played Keith and interviewed myself, which I'm told was highly entertaining for those in the studio to watch. Ziggybackride reader and Dream Street enthusiast, Ben Dorfman (of dorfmangoestohollywood.blogspot.com) even called in to the show. That was a new high/low for Radio Dream Street.
Okay, this is getting way too long. Suffice it to say that the week was wonderful, the kids had a great time, and we all got to do things that we rarely have the opportunity to do. I feel very, very lucky to have been a part of it.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
I'm Not The World's Strongest Man, But...
I'm the "Funniest Person in Memphis!" Seriously! Check it out....
http://commercialappeal.com/mca/arts/article/0,1426,MCA_542_4730366,00.html
It was a fun show. A little bit of a marathon, but fun. My thanks to Comedy, Tennessee - Memphis' hot new comedy club set to open at their new location on June 15th. Hopefully I'll get to start my week's worth of shows then and make history!
Hope you are having a great weekend. Remember...You can keep up with all of Michael "Ziggy" Danziger's comedy news at www.laughwithziggy.com.*
*That last line was so informative because I'm trying to optimize search engines' ability to find me. Sorry for the vanity!
http://commercialappeal.com/mca/arts/article/0,1426,MCA_542_4730366,00.html
It was a fun show. A little bit of a marathon, but fun. My thanks to Comedy, Tennessee - Memphis' hot new comedy club set to open at their new location on June 15th. Hopefully I'll get to start my week's worth of shows then and make history!
Hope you are having a great weekend. Remember...You can keep up with all of Michael "Ziggy" Danziger's comedy news at www.laughwithziggy.com.*
*That last line was so informative because I'm trying to optimize search engines' ability to find me. Sorry for the vanity!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Spin Your Best Yarn
As I mentioned in the previous post, my foot is broken. It has been that way now for about three days. I can't put any weight on it and I'm using crutches. It's not particularly fun. I have found that losing the use of a foot turns previously small, easy tasks into major strategic operations. I plan to be a great chess player when this is over.
Upon finding out that my foot is broken, everyone wants to know the same thing: "How did it happen?"
This is where I need your help. You see, this happened in an incredibly unexciting way. Basically, I was jogging across a parking lot and stepped on a slightly uneven piece of pavement and my bone snapped. (It was weakened by a previous stress fracture for those who now think I must have some terrible bone disorder.) That's it.
But that story has yet to satisfy one person. As a matter of fact, several people have told me, "Oh, you've got to come up with something better." Interestingly, a full 100% of the people who've said that have gone on to suggest some variation of saving a child's life. These are obviously noble, concerned citizens who value life over, say, the X-Games.
Forget the nice, noble people. I want YOU to tell my story. Using the comment feature, give me your best "how Michael broke his foot" story. It can be long and detailed or short and to the point. It just has to be good because I obviously didn't break my foot "right" and now I need some embellishment. Help me. Be creative. Make my boot seem worthwhile, after all. And.... go!
Upon finding out that my foot is broken, everyone wants to know the same thing: "How did it happen?"
This is where I need your help. You see, this happened in an incredibly unexciting way. Basically, I was jogging across a parking lot and stepped on a slightly uneven piece of pavement and my bone snapped. (It was weakened by a previous stress fracture for those who now think I must have some terrible bone disorder.) That's it.
But that story has yet to satisfy one person. As a matter of fact, several people have told me, "Oh, you've got to come up with something better." Interestingly, a full 100% of the people who've said that have gone on to suggest some variation of saving a child's life. These are obviously noble, concerned citizens who value life over, say, the X-Games.
Forget the nice, noble people. I want YOU to tell my story. Using the comment feature, give me your best "how Michael broke his foot" story. It can be long and detailed or short and to the point. It just has to be good because I obviously didn't break my foot "right" and now I need some embellishment. Help me. Be creative. Make my boot seem worthwhile, after all. And.... go!
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
D+? Oh my God...
I passed! I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate! (That's from Tommy Boy. I' m surprised you didn't know that.) That's also from Tommy Boy. I'm surprised you didn't know THAT.
I just passed the Tennessee Real Estate Commission's licensing exam for affiliate brokers, clearing my last major hurdle to being licensed and to eventual mogul-dom. I have to take one more 30-hour class now (what a scam!) before the state will issue the license. By the way, I didn't really get a D+. They don't tell you your grade. They just tell you you passed. Apparently, if you fail they tell you your score. I'd like to know how I did, but that hardly seems worth it.
It's been a long time since I've written (sorry about that) and there's lots and lots of news. I'll give you the bullet-point update now and give you more details later.
-I broke my foot. I can't walk. I'm on crutches and wearing one of those boots.
-As a result of the foot, I can not play in the new JCC 30 and over men's basketball league. Apparently, and this is not a joke, though it should be, I was the number one pick when the teams were drafted for the league. What a hilariously pathetic league and what a magnficently gloriously complete draft-day bust!
-I went to New York for comedy, had a great and terrible performance (same performance - I'll explain later) and saw lots of friends. That was before the foot.
-I saw fake Charlie Bucket not get a golden ticket at LaGuardia Airport. It was sad.
-The Lady Rabs lost in the championship game. It was a valiant effort and I'm proud of them and couldn't have had more fun with them. Well... maybe a little more. If we had won.
-I had a stand-up performance at an elementary school. I was heckled by a four-year-old.
I just passed the Tennessee Real Estate Commission's licensing exam for affiliate brokers, clearing my last major hurdle to being licensed and to eventual mogul-dom. I have to take one more 30-hour class now (what a scam!) before the state will issue the license. By the way, I didn't really get a D+. They don't tell you your grade. They just tell you you passed. Apparently, if you fail they tell you your score. I'd like to know how I did, but that hardly seems worth it.
It's been a long time since I've written (sorry about that) and there's lots and lots of news. I'll give you the bullet-point update now and give you more details later.
-I broke my foot. I can't walk. I'm on crutches and wearing one of those boots.
-As a result of the foot, I can not play in the new JCC 30 and over men's basketball league. Apparently, and this is not a joke, though it should be, I was the number one pick when the teams were drafted for the league. What a hilariously pathetic league and what a magnficently gloriously complete draft-day bust!
-I went to New York for comedy, had a great and terrible performance (same performance - I'll explain later) and saw lots of friends. That was before the foot.
-I saw fake Charlie Bucket not get a golden ticket at LaGuardia Airport. It was sad.
-The Lady Rabs lost in the championship game. It was a valiant effort and I'm proud of them and couldn't have had more fun with them. Well... maybe a little more. If we had won.
-I had a stand-up performance at an elementary school. I was heckled by a four-year-old.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Shining Moments
Well, well, well. There you are! Haven't seen you in a while. That is, of course, no fault of yours. I have been... well... away. But I am back and I am excited!
I just got home from what I'm pretty sure was the first election-night victory party I have been to. Congratulations to Mike Ritz, new Shelby County Commissioner. He's going to be great and I'm glad he was victorious. Until now, pretty much all of my candidates have lost. This was a nice change. I think I'm going to try to win more often. Starting tomorrow night.
That's right! I know you have been wondering how the Temple Israel Lady Rabs are doing. Well, I'll tell you how they're doing. They're playing in the championship game tomorrow night! They are on the brink of history, poised to bring a title home to Temple. It will be tough, though. We are facing the #1 seeded team, against whom we were 1-2 during the regular season and we are missing a key player who went down in the semifinals with a knee injury. This team has the talent and the heart to win this game, though, and I expect that 2006 will reestablish itself as the Greatest Sports Year Ever and we will be champions.
23 hours until One Shining Moment.*
*23 hours until I play One Shining Moment on my iPod and continue to pretend that the world cares about the Lady Rabs.
I just got home from what I'm pretty sure was the first election-night victory party I have been to. Congratulations to Mike Ritz, new Shelby County Commissioner. He's going to be great and I'm glad he was victorious. Until now, pretty much all of my candidates have lost. This was a nice change. I think I'm going to try to win more often. Starting tomorrow night.
That's right! I know you have been wondering how the Temple Israel Lady Rabs are doing. Well, I'll tell you how they're doing. They're playing in the championship game tomorrow night! They are on the brink of history, poised to bring a title home to Temple. It will be tough, though. We are facing the #1 seeded team, against whom we were 1-2 during the regular season and we are missing a key player who went down in the semifinals with a knee injury. This team has the talent and the heart to win this game, though, and I expect that 2006 will reestablish itself as the Greatest Sports Year Ever and we will be champions.
23 hours until One Shining Moment.*
*23 hours until I play One Shining Moment on my iPod and continue to pretend that the world cares about the Lady Rabs.
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