Today, I learned that Americans are outraged about Burma*. I found this out from our own President George W. Bush, who relayed this information to the United Nations.
Burma?
Outraged?
Which Americans?**
In fairness, the President didn't actually say how many Americans, and if it's more than one, his statement was correct. However, in video of his address, obtained by the ZiggyBackRide staff, Bush makes it sound as though this outrage is rampant througout the Union.
I have long since given up on asking "what is he thinking" type questions, but I will take a moment to wonder what the President's staff thought would be gained by sending him into his highest profile address in some time to virtually ignore Iraq and to proclaim that Americans are outraged by what is happening in Burma. I was surprised that a roar of surprised and delighted laughter didn't erupt in the UN assembly when the President finished this statement. I would definitely have had to leave the room***. I do, however, look forward to seeing Jon Stewart's facial expression when the camera is back on him after this video is shown tonight.
* Also known as Myanmar. The US doesn't officially recognize that name.
**I'm sure there are some outraged Americans. As amazingly insane as it is that President Bush decided to represent this as a major concern of Americans before the UN, there is some ugly stuff going on in Burma. Americans would not be wrong to learn more and even decide they are, indeed, outraged. Currently, however, Burma appears way on down the list of items about which I, personally, am outraged. It is wedged in between the fact that no one seems to give Texas any chance of beating Oklahoma in football this year, and the fact that it is muggy today.
***Not out of disgust or protest, as the Cuban representative left, but so that my laughter, or my subsequently urine-filled pants, wouldn't disrupt the session.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
The Dumpster Duo
I've seen some great/interesting things in my neighborhood over the years (see posts from Aug. 1, 2007 and Feb. 16, 2006). The next in this line of intriguing scenes came today when I came home from the first game of a new 30 and over Jewish men's league basketball season (which my team one, but during which I airballed another free throw - that's 3 in my last 4 or 5 games!) to get ready to go see The Lion King* (on stage). I drove into my parking lot to find the following scene.
Can't read the sign? Take a closer look...
I do love the idea of the lazy, unneighborly discarder of the mattress being called out by the neighborhood conscience, who knows it's wrong to make a mess, but who thinks nothing of hanging a sign on a dumpster calling the mess "retarded."** Welcome to the neighborhood!
This is post #200. Look for the ZiggyBackRide Bicentennial Celebration at post #202. Congratulations to us all!
* The Lion King was very good. I'm a fan of the movie and this was my first time seeing it on stage. Amazing costumes and good music. I did actually think the staging was a little messy, at times, but overall, very enjoyable. I'll have to think about where it ranks among major musicals I've seen. The show was part of a strange Sunday for me. Early basketball game, then The Lion King, after which I hurried to Temple to teach an 11th/12th grade class about God, and then to a bar in Midtown for a meeting about setting up housing options for families of patients at a local children's hospital. Where does a fun, odd, rewarding day like that come from, anyway?!?
** Speaking of the high schoolers, I have noticed, of late, that a lot of kids are, first of all, using the word "retarded" and, second, misspelling it. I see "retarted" a lot. If you insist on throwing that word around, I feel like it's one you really need to be able to spell correctly.
Can't read the sign? Take a closer look...
I do love the idea of the lazy, unneighborly discarder of the mattress being called out by the neighborhood conscience, who knows it's wrong to make a mess, but who thinks nothing of hanging a sign on a dumpster calling the mess "retarded."** Welcome to the neighborhood!
This is post #200. Look for the ZiggyBackRide Bicentennial Celebration at post #202. Congratulations to us all!
* The Lion King was very good. I'm a fan of the movie and this was my first time seeing it on stage. Amazing costumes and good music. I did actually think the staging was a little messy, at times, but overall, very enjoyable. I'll have to think about where it ranks among major musicals I've seen. The show was part of a strange Sunday for me. Early basketball game, then The Lion King, after which I hurried to Temple to teach an 11th/12th grade class about God, and then to a bar in Midtown for a meeting about setting up housing options for families of patients at a local children's hospital. Where does a fun, odd, rewarding day like that come from, anyway?!?
** Speaking of the high schoolers, I have noticed, of late, that a lot of kids are, first of all, using the word "retarded" and, second, misspelling it. I see "retarted" a lot. If you insist on throwing that word around, I feel like it's one you really need to be able to spell correctly.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Abbott and Costello's Municipal Madness
I'm watching the late local news following the opening game of the NFL season. I don't watch often and I'm thinking that my civic pride and my sanity are much better off as a result.
Memphis mayor Willie Herenton, known less and less as a concerned community leader, and more and more as an arrogant man who believes he is entitled - possibly by the Lord, our God -
to the position of Memphis mayor, was asked why his campaign t-shirts have a slogan on the back that is the name of a profane rap song. His response, and a point which he proudly presented, was that he doesn't know about the song, but that the reporter obviously does. Interesting! No. Fascinatingly, hideously stupid. Way to "Shake The Haters Off," Mr. Mayor.
He was then asked why he has not accepted any invitations to debate his opponents. He actually answered that it was because he would destroy the others because he has so much more experience with debating. They are lucky, he says, that he has chosen to sit the debates out.
This, of course, brings to mind the big-mouthed, cowardly bully who refuses to back up his words because "he'd beat the other up too badly." We've all seen someone like this in action (if not in person, then in The Breakfast Club when Judd Nelson's character backs out of a fight with Emilio Estevez's), and anyone with half a brain has recognized that the person is full of poop. Personally, I have only seen children and drunk people employ this strategy of running scared.
Mayor Herenton is not a child and didn't appear inebriated. I believe he is either stupid or - more likely and worse - he chooses to appeal to stupid people who are capable of buying such a load of crap. It is disgusting. He is likely to be re-elected. Wake up, Memphis! There's still time.
In other news, three employees of the Germantown* Performing Arts Center were fired this week for tying noose knots with excess rope on the Center's stage. According to the employees, those "hangman's noose" knots are often used in theaters to store hanging ropes. I don't know if that's true or not. Germantown city administrator Patrick Lawton defended the firings, saying, "This is very insulting to the African-American community. I can't imagine anything worse."
While I greatly appreciate Lawton's sensitivity to citizens of all colors, I must question his powers of imagination.
In yet other news, I have decided that I am okay with four-day work weeks. My office was closed on Monday, in observance of Labor Day, which I am convinced - after very little thought on the subject - is little more than a mediocre Abbott and Costello routine...
Time to go to work.
-We don't have to go today.
Why not?
-It's Labor Day.
Labor Day? What's that?
-A day to celebrate.
Celebrate what?
-Work.
So we're celebrating work?
-Sure.
Why?
-Work is good.
So why don't we go do it?
-Because it's Labor Day.
On Independence Day, we're free.
On Thanksgiving Day, we're grateful.
On Labor Day, we're... lazy. Nice.
*Germantown is the suburb of Memphis where I live. Mayor Herenton is not my mayor, but as Memphis looks idiotic, so do its suburbs. I really like this community. I think it's a great place to live and has a lot to offer. I would like to keep it that way.
Memphis mayor Willie Herenton, known less and less as a concerned community leader, and more and more as an arrogant man who believes he is entitled - possibly by the Lord, our God -
to the position of Memphis mayor, was asked why his campaign t-shirts have a slogan on the back that is the name of a profane rap song. His response, and a point which he proudly presented, was that he doesn't know about the song, but that the reporter obviously does. Interesting! No. Fascinatingly, hideously stupid. Way to "Shake The Haters Off," Mr. Mayor.
He was then asked why he has not accepted any invitations to debate his opponents. He actually answered that it was because he would destroy the others because he has so much more experience with debating. They are lucky, he says, that he has chosen to sit the debates out.
This, of course, brings to mind the big-mouthed, cowardly bully who refuses to back up his words because "he'd beat the other up too badly." We've all seen someone like this in action (if not in person, then in The Breakfast Club when Judd Nelson's character backs out of a fight with Emilio Estevez's), and anyone with half a brain has recognized that the person is full of poop. Personally, I have only seen children and drunk people employ this strategy of running scared.
Mayor Herenton is not a child and didn't appear inebriated. I believe he is either stupid or - more likely and worse - he chooses to appeal to stupid people who are capable of buying such a load of crap. It is disgusting. He is likely to be re-elected. Wake up, Memphis! There's still time.
In other news, three employees of the Germantown* Performing Arts Center were fired this week for tying noose knots with excess rope on the Center's stage. According to the employees, those "hangman's noose" knots are often used in theaters to store hanging ropes. I don't know if that's true or not. Germantown city administrator Patrick Lawton defended the firings, saying, "This is very insulting to the African-American community. I can't imagine anything worse."
While I greatly appreciate Lawton's sensitivity to citizens of all colors, I must question his powers of imagination.
In yet other news, I have decided that I am okay with four-day work weeks. My office was closed on Monday, in observance of Labor Day, which I am convinced - after very little thought on the subject - is little more than a mediocre Abbott and Costello routine...
Time to go to work.
-We don't have to go today.
Why not?
-It's Labor Day.
Labor Day? What's that?
-A day to celebrate.
Celebrate what?
-Work.
So we're celebrating work?
-Sure.
Why?
-Work is good.
So why don't we go do it?
-Because it's Labor Day.
On Independence Day, we're free.
On Thanksgiving Day, we're grateful.
On Labor Day, we're... lazy. Nice.
*Germantown is the suburb of Memphis where I live. Mayor Herenton is not my mayor, but as Memphis looks idiotic, so do its suburbs. I really like this community. I think it's a great place to live and has a lot to offer. I would like to keep it that way.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
The Adventure Begins
As I begin writing this 198th post of ZiggyBackRide, it is 11 minutes until the beginning of College Gameday, the college football preview show to which I look forward each week of the glorious season that begins, in earnest, today. It's time! We must protect this house!*
But, in the end, he might have overdone it. Here's The Littlest Longhorn Fan in the... ummm, well, that's my shower curtain behind him.***
* The old catchphrase from the Under Armor commercials that aired during College Gameday. We'll see if this year has new Under Armor genius in shore for us. I was under the impression that there would be a new College Gameday theme song this year, but the show just started and it was still Big and Rich with Cowboy Troy, offering me a little zing in my zang zang if I will but come along. Not sure what I think about that.
*** For some reason, everything just seemed to go right through him. This is the first time I've ever taken a picture of The Littlest Longhorn Fan on the toilet and you would think it'll be the last time. Not so fast, my friends. I simply can not promise that. It's still all about honesty here at ZiggyBackRide. Hook 'Em!
I am not only excited about Gollege Gameday, though. I am excited about the college games that make it possible. Tonight, a new season of Texas Longhorn football begins and the excitement is building in my home, which is a sanctuary for Longhorn spirit (as well as for wayward laundry and mail, and for the slowly dissipating smell of recently soaked carpet, but we'll focus on the Longhorn stuff for today, if that's okay with you).
The Longhorn Band waits to explode into song as soon as even the slightest pressure is applied to the "play" button. The orange candle is ready to burn, and - thanks to The Littlest Longhorn Fan, the Texas jersey koozie (I guess that's the word) that "watches" every game with me - orange food and drink are available.**
I salute you, Littlest Longhorn Fan, for your hard work in procuring the important foodstuffs that will enable the 'Horns to be victorious!
It was not easy for the little guy. He's not a licensed driver and he has no legs....
But he collected all the right stuff and earned the right to stand proudly atop the Gatorade....
He even took a minute to pose for a pic with old friends...
But, in the end, he might have overdone it. Here's The Littlest Longhorn Fan in the... ummm, well, that's my shower curtain behind him.***
Pace yourself, Littlest Longhorn Fan! This is a long adventure and there's no telling where it could lead....
* The old catchphrase from the Under Armor commercials that aired during College Gameday. We'll see if this year has new Under Armor genius in shore for us. I was under the impression that there would be a new College Gameday theme song this year, but the show just started and it was still Big and Rich with Cowboy Troy, offering me a little zing in my zang zang if I will but come along. Not sure what I think about that.
** If you are not familiar with this tradition, see "My Stitions ARE Super" post from October, 2006 or post Rose Bowl posts from January of 2005.
*** For some reason, everything just seemed to go right through him. This is the first time I've ever taken a picture of The Littlest Longhorn Fan on the toilet and you would think it'll be the last time. Not so fast, my friends. I simply can not promise that. It's still all about honesty here at ZiggyBackRide. Hook 'Em!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Ate Mor Chikin
There is a lot that I have to tell you, including my weekend trip to a team-building and leadership development center in Arkansas and including the fact that I am now the proud owner of a wet/dry shopvac, a new hot water heater, and some smelly carpet (the three items I own are, indeed, related and the battle between me and the carpet for the smell of my home is on. It will be an epic battle. I must win. Or else must will win.)
The system was simple. You start with a 12 pack and a punchcard. The card has a 12, an 8, a 6, and five 4's on it. The 12 is punched when you take your first batch to the table. When you are ready for more, bring the card up, they punch the 8 and give you an 8 pack. Then the 6, then the 4's. The card system (left) takes you through nuggets 1-46. You don't have to stop at 46, though, as it is truly all you can eat (there was a kid next to us that was at 70 when we left - his table created the stack of boxes pictured above, left), but in the end, Kevin and I decided that 46 was a good** place to stop.
Now, this is all funny and tasty, but the Health and Science staff here at ZiggyBackRide wishes to convey that this is not healthy behavior. It is certainly not okay to engage in such activities on a regular basis and is probably not okay to ever eat in this way. If you must, be sure you aware of what you are putting in your body.
Those things, while incredibly interesting, are not what this post is about, though. This post is about the following:
That's right, ZiggyBackRiders, I have just returned home from all-you-can-eat nugget night at Chick-fil-A. My good friend, Kevin, and I had been seeing it advertised for this very night on the restaurant's marquee for the last couple of weeks. We thought, first to ourselves, and then aloud to one another, "Should we?"
Ignoring the obvious, correct answer to that question, we did. $10 was the cost* for all the nuggets, fries, and drink you wished to enjoy. A number of people took advantage of the "deal" - this was the first time I've ever had trouble finding parking at a Chick-fil-A.
The system was simple. You start with a 12 pack and a punchcard. The card has a 12, an 8, a 6, and five 4's on it. The 12 is punched when you take your first batch to the table. When you are ready for more, bring the card up, they punch the 8 and give you an 8 pack. Then the 6, then the 4's. The card system (left) takes you through nuggets 1-46. You don't have to stop at 46, though, as it is truly all you can eat (there was a kid next to us that was at 70 when we left - his table created the stack of boxes pictured above, left), but in the end, Kevin and I decided that 46 was a good** place to stop. 
(Left: Kevin and I pose with our punched cards and our garbage. I appear sweaty, but that's just chicken coming out of my pores.
Right: My friend, Lauren, was also there - not so much eating, but supporting her friends, one of whom, the 70-eater, is pictured below.)
Now, this is all funny and tasty, but the Health and Science staff here at ZiggyBackRide wishes to convey that this is not healthy behavior. It is certainly not okay to engage in such activities on a regular basis and is probably not okay to ever eat in this way. If you must, be sure you aware of what you are putting in your body.
I carefully squeezed excess grease off each nugget, so I figure I saved a few grams of fat here and there. Not bad, eh? That's why I felt it was okay to skip the diet drink and go with Coca-Cola, or, as I like to call it, America in Liquid Form.
As I left the restaurant, I headed home and immediately began calling friends that would want to know about this adventure. I knew, all along, that it was messed up to do this, but I believe it might be even more ridiculous that friends from coast-to-coast would be excited to know. I didn't have long to talk to people, though...
(Left: Me in the bathroom.***)
* The cost was actually $10 plus tax plus several years off our lives.
** All the better places to stop had already been passed up. 46 was, at that point, as good as it could get.
*** This is the first time I've ever taken a picture of myself on the toilet. You'd think it'll be the last, too, but I simply can not promise that. It's all about honesty, folks.)
*** This is the first time I've ever taken a picture of myself on the toilet. You'd think it'll be the last, too, but I simply can not promise that. It's all about honesty, folks.)
Monday, August 27, 2007
One Fine Day
Real Estate Q & A with Real Estate Mogul-in-Training, Michael "Ziggy" Danziger:
Q: How many property showings did you have scheduled today?
A: Three
Q: Not bad. How many did you go to?
A: Three
Q: Good. Just making sure! How much driving did you do to today get to and from these appointments?
A: I drove 73 miles.
Q: Wow! You know that's a rate of almost 27,000 miles a year? Is that normal?
A: It happens. That's a pretty heavy day of driving though. Two of these appointments were almost 30 miles away from my office.
Q: I see. Very interesting. And how much time did you spend traveling to and from, and being at these showing appointments?
A: Two hours and forty-seven minutes, plus a few minutes at the office preparing for each.
Q: That's a lot of the day, huh?
A: It was, indeed.
Q: Now, how many of these appointments did you solicit?
A: None of them. The meetings, and the times for which they were scheduled, were all requested by the other parties.
Q: And did they all show up?
A: No.
Q: You mean one of them didn't come to a meeting that they asked for?
A: I wish that's what I meant!
Q: What do you mean?
A: None of them came to the meetings that they asked for.
Q: None of them showed up?
A: Not a one.
Q: Is that normal?
A: More normal than you would think. Unless you think that a lot of people have very little consideration for other people's time and effort. Or unless you think that a lot of people really don't know how to use calendars. Or unless you don't think. Ever.
Q: How many property showings did you have scheduled today?
A: Three
Q: Not bad. How many did you go to?
A: Three
Q: Good. Just making sure! How much driving did you do to today get to and from these appointments?
A: I drove 73 miles.
Q: Wow! You know that's a rate of almost 27,000 miles a year? Is that normal?
A: It happens. That's a pretty heavy day of driving though. Two of these appointments were almost 30 miles away from my office.
Q: I see. Very interesting. And how much time did you spend traveling to and from, and being at these showing appointments?
A: Two hours and forty-seven minutes, plus a few minutes at the office preparing for each.
Q: That's a lot of the day, huh?
A: It was, indeed.
Q: Now, how many of these appointments did you solicit?
A: None of them. The meetings, and the times for which they were scheduled, were all requested by the other parties.
Q: And did they all show up?
A: No.
Q: You mean one of them didn't come to a meeting that they asked for?
A: I wish that's what I meant!
Q: What do you mean?
A: None of them came to the meetings that they asked for.
Q: None of them showed up?
A: Not a one.
Q: Is that normal?
A: More normal than you would think. Unless you think that a lot of people have very little consideration for other people's time and effort. Or unless you think that a lot of people really don't know how to use calendars. Or unless you don't think. Ever.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
WHAT???
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/football/nfl/08/22/bc.fbn.vick.naacp.ap/index.html
I particularly like the last two lines of the story.
Why on earth would the NAACP be involved in this and why would they allow for the appearance of defending Michael Vick. The idea that this is some kind of racial issue is held by a number of insane sports talk radio callers and by several ridiculously stupid sounding athletes that have gotten on the air in Vick's defense, but I would think that the NAACP would be able to exercise better judgment.
Mr. White (and I do find it humorous that that is his name - makes me think of the old SNL video in which Eddie Murphy plays a white man and tries to get a loan under that assumed name), his crime is not that the dog was a dog. Dogs are dogs every day and people don't get indicted for it. Perhaps there's more to this story than "it was a dog." That's like saying a bank robber's crime is that the building was a bank. Jackass.
I particularly like the last two lines of the story.
Why on earth would the NAACP be involved in this and why would they allow for the appearance of defending Michael Vick. The idea that this is some kind of racial issue is held by a number of insane sports talk radio callers and by several ridiculously stupid sounding athletes that have gotten on the air in Vick's defense, but I would think that the NAACP would be able to exercise better judgment.
Mr. White (and I do find it humorous that that is his name - makes me think of the old SNL video in which Eddie Murphy plays a white man and tries to get a loan under that assumed name), his crime is not that the dog was a dog. Dogs are dogs every day and people don't get indicted for it. Perhaps there's more to this story than "it was a dog." That's like saying a bank robber's crime is that the building was a bank. Jackass.
Super Funny. Super True?
I saw Superbad last night. I wasn't sure what to expect - clever hilarity in keeping with the highly enjoyable Knocked Up, or a super stupid quick follow-up to a hit. I'm pleased to report that I found it to be the former. Well, clever might be a bit of a stretch - I feel safe predicting that this will not be nominated for Best Picture - but hilarity is right on.
I laughed hard and out loud several times during the movie and I have done the same today as different lines and images have come back to me. This is a movie that will produce some popular catchphrases and that will be widely quoted by funny movie quoters.
Lest you think, though, - as previews and previous work by the key players would suggest - that this is simply a feature-length collection of immature references, gags, and gross-outs*, I am delighted to let you know that the movie even got across a decent message (in its own demented, but hilarious way). Anyone who is looking for meaning in this movie should probably go to a different movie, but insistent upon seeing this one, the searcher will find the case made that genuineness** and not gamesmanship is often the best way to build friendships and romances. We tend to come up with a lot of different tricks and tools for connecting with other people and winning them over when, in many cases, "just be yourself" and "honesty is the best policy"*** would save us time and embarrassment, and would make us more trusting and trustworthy.
Good work, Superbad!
* Just to be clear, it definitely was all of those things, but it was not ONLY those things.
** genuinity? Is there a form of genuine that describes the state of being genuine?
*** The staff here at ZiggyBackRide wishes to point out that cliches become cliches for a reason. They are said over and over again because they are found to be true over and over again. They should not, as they often are, be disregarded simply because they are cliche. If anything, they should usually be given extra heed.
I laughed hard and out loud several times during the movie and I have done the same today as different lines and images have come back to me. This is a movie that will produce some popular catchphrases and that will be widely quoted by funny movie quoters.
Lest you think, though, - as previews and previous work by the key players would suggest - that this is simply a feature-length collection of immature references, gags, and gross-outs*, I am delighted to let you know that the movie even got across a decent message (in its own demented, but hilarious way). Anyone who is looking for meaning in this movie should probably go to a different movie, but insistent upon seeing this one, the searcher will find the case made that genuineness** and not gamesmanship is often the best way to build friendships and romances. We tend to come up with a lot of different tricks and tools for connecting with other people and winning them over when, in many cases, "just be yourself" and "honesty is the best policy"*** would save us time and embarrassment, and would make us more trusting and trustworthy.
Good work, Superbad!
* Just to be clear, it definitely was all of those things, but it was not ONLY those things.
** genuinity? Is there a form of genuine that describes the state of being genuine?
*** The staff here at ZiggyBackRide wishes to point out that cliches become cliches for a reason. They are said over and over again because they are found to be true over and over again. They should not, as they often are, be disregarded simply because they are cliche. If anything, they should usually be given extra heed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
