Abbott and Costello's Municipal Madness

I'm watching the late local news following the opening game of the NFL season. I don't watch often and I'm thinking that my civic pride and my sanity are much better off as a result.

Memphis mayor Willie Herenton, known less and less as a concerned community leader, and more and more as an arrogant man who believes he is entitled - possibly by the Lord, our God -
to the position of Memphis mayor, was asked why his campaign t-shirts have a slogan on the back that is the name of a profane rap song. His response, and a point which he proudly presented, was that he doesn't know about the song, but that the reporter obviously does. Interesting! No. Fascinatingly, hideously stupid. Way to "Shake The Haters Off," Mr. Mayor.

He was then asked why he has not accepted any invitations to debate his opponents. He actually answered that it was because he would destroy the others because he has so much more experience with debating. They are lucky, he says, that he has chosen to sit the debates out.

This, of course, brings to mind the big-mouthed, cowardly bully who refuses to back up his words because "he'd beat the other up too badly." We've all seen someone like this in action (if not in person, then in The Breakfast Club when Judd Nelson's character backs out of a fight with Emilio Estevez's), and anyone with half a brain has recognized that the person is full of poop. Personally, I have only seen children and drunk people employ this strategy of running scared.

Mayor Herenton is not a child and didn't appear inebriated. I believe he is either stupid or - more likely and worse - he chooses to appeal to stupid people who are capable of buying such a load of crap. It is disgusting. He is likely to be re-elected. Wake up, Memphis! There's still time.

In other news, three employees of the Germantown* Performing Arts Center were fired this week for tying noose knots with excess rope on the Center's stage. According to the employees, those "hangman's noose" knots are often used in theaters to store hanging ropes. I don't know if that's true or not. Germantown city administrator Patrick Lawton defended the firings, saying, "This is very insulting to the African-American community. I can't imagine anything worse."

While I greatly appreciate Lawton's sensitivity to citizens of all colors, I must question his powers of imagination.

In yet other news, I have decided that I am okay with four-day work weeks. My office was closed on Monday, in observance of Labor Day, which I am convinced - after very little thought on the subject - is little more than a mediocre Abbott and Costello routine...

Time to go to work.
-We don't have to go today.
Why not?
-It's Labor Day.
Labor Day? What's that?
-A day to celebrate.
Celebrate what?
-Work.
So we're celebrating work?
-Sure.
Why?
-Work is good.
So why don't we go do it?
-Because it's Labor Day.

On Independence Day, we're free.
On Thanksgiving Day, we're grateful.
On Labor Day, we're... lazy. Nice.

*Germantown is the suburb of Memphis where I live. Mayor Herenton is not my mayor, but as Memphis looks idiotic, so do its suburbs. I really like this community. I think it's a great place to live and has a lot to offer. I would like to keep it that way.