Horns, Hoops, and Unfunny Hilarity

A hearty hello and happy Monday to you! It has been an eventful last few days, and I feel the need to make sure you are abreast of all the excitement in my life...

HORNS
Did you see the Texas Longhorns on Saturday night? Holy crap! For those who don't follow college football, the huge game of the week featured my beloved Longhorns playing at Ohio State. These two teams were both ranked in the top 5 in the country, both have hopes of playing for the national championship, both have superstar players, both have huge football histories. This was the first time they've played and it was before more than 105,000 very loud and excited fans.

It was a game for which the hype built steadily over a series of months since the matchup was announced and the game absolutely lived up to the hype, which is rare. It was so exciting! A back and forth battle with great defense on both sides and a few crucial moments that made all the difference.

I watched the game at home by myself. For those of you unaware of this, I never underestimate the role I may be playing in the game, even from a thousand miles away. On game day, I eat and drink orange things, just to make sure the color is not only on my body (clothes, not paint), but coursing through it, as well. To me, this makes a difference. With the Longhorn Band cd playing and the t.v. cranked up loud, I watched, paced, worried, and celebrated until the game was over. I was actually sweaty. From watching. My home is air conditioned.

Can't wait for the rest of the season. Hook 'em!

HOOPS
Yesterday, my new basketball season started. Always exciting - I love to play. This however, was the beginning of my first season in my Jewish Community Center's 30 and over league. I'm not quite 30, but apparently will be soon enough to qualify. I've been waiting for this for a long time (about 29 1/2 years). I think this is the league where I can really hit my stride. I considered, a few years ago, getting a fake i.d. that would get me into this league early. That's how excited I am.

First of all, let me just say that everything about these Jewish men's basketball leagues I play in is like a comedian's dream. The styles and levels of play, the seriousness of some of the players, etc. It's freaking hilarious.

Now, as for my debut, it did not disappoint. I have never shot like that in my life. I was hitting 3's. I was hitting 2's. Even a couple of 1's, which we call free throws in my country. I think I scored 24 points. I think there have been seasons in which I didn't score that many points. It's very exciting. Stay tuned to find out if I am really the Michael Jordan of the MJCC 30 and over men's basketball league. I'll certainly let you know.

UNFUNNY HILARITY
Later yesterday, I did stand-up at a kick-off-the-year barbeque at Hillel of Memphis, the Jewish student organization for college students in Memphis. I don't even know how to begin to describe this. First of all, I got there expecting college students, which makes sense, I think. But it was about half collegians and half older members of the community and even some seniors(not in college. I'm talking citizens)! What the deuce!

So, the time came to perform. No stage, no microphone. More of a living room setting. And they just stared. They were so quiet during the performance. It was like performing for statues. They were so polite and nice. They were listening and they seemed to like it, but only inside. I brought my friend Jeff, who is a very funny comedian in town, and he performed, too, and met with the same stone-faced group that I did. It probably should have been disheartening, but really it was far more hilarious. We were laughing so hard afterward. I guess they just weren't ready for stand-up in the middle of the afternoon, with their parents and grandparents, and their minds on the kosher hot dogs that were yet to come. It was strangely fun, though, and I sort of hope I get famous now just because I think I would enjoy talking about this on Leno one day. That's a good reason, right?