Furniture and Funniness

Why the little armrest covers on nice chairs? You know what I'm talking about? The slipcovers that fit over the armrests? Yeah, you know. First of all, if these are so important, why can't furniture manufacturers take a minute and a half one day and figure out a way to make them stay on? Trying to keep them in place is like working a second job, and it's hard to work while you're watching t.v. That's not my real problem with the armrest covers, though. My real question about these things is doesn't it seem like someone's really missing the mark here?

Allow me to explain...Picture a chair. You have one in mind? Great! There is one part that we occasionally rest our arms on lightly. Then there is another part that we sit on - with our butt and all our body weight... every single time the chair is in use. Which part would you put a protective cover on? Yeah, me too.

As long as we're on furniture, I'm confused about a number of things. The purpose of a headboard is one of those things. I own a headboard, but I don't know why. Well, yes I do. My mom told me I needed one. What is the purpose? To try and convince people that I don't actually sleep near the wall? "No! Look! You can't even see the wall! I sleep all the way over here." The wall was the sturdiest, most useful headboard I'll ever own. I miss it.

And what about occasional tables? Occasional tables? What are they when they're not tables? And how do they know when it's time to be a table again? Unless they can keep the slipcovers on the arms of my chairs for me, I'm going to need them to be tables all the time.

COMEDY TOMORROW
STOP 345 - 9:00 p.m.
345 Madison
I'm gonna be funny and stuff.

Away Message

Hi there! I'm writing this post from the grounds of the URJ Henry S. Jacobs Camp in Utica, MS, where I am serving as a staff member at Camp Dream Street. Dream Street is a week-long, residential summer camp program for children with disabilities and, well... it is awesome! Check it out at www.dreamstreetms.org.

Once I'm back on the homefront, I'll get back to regular writing and I'll keep you posted about comedy, the last days of my job, the search for a new job, and other momentous happenings in our world. For now, I'll let you know that I have two comedy outings planned in Memphis in the coming weeks. Mark your calendars for Thursday, June 9th, when I'll be appearing at Comedy, Tennessee. The show starts at 8:00 pm at the Holiday Inn East Memphis; and save Friday, June 17th, when I'll be performing at Stop 345/Paddy's Memphis Pub. Both shows are for charity, so come on out. More info soon.

Back to the magic of Dream Street. I'll be back.

Oh, What Could Have Been!

Yesterday, a stock I own went up almost 18%. 18% in one day! That's unbelievable. When you look and see that that has happened, you begin to think about what could have been. I did decide to buy a little of the stock at one time. What if I had decided to buy more two days ago? What if I had put everything I own into it? Even better, what if I owned a lot more than I do and had put everything I own into it? Boy, that would have been something! One day, baby! One day.

For now, I'm just enjoying knowing that I'm nigh on $50 wealthier than I was before the great TiVO boom of 2005. I'm sure that'll serve me well when I begin my temporary retirement in a few weeks.

In other news, I took a picture of my dinner the other night.

That's right. A picture. Of my dinner. I kid you not. I made stir-fry vegetables and fruit and garnished my plate with fresh fruit. As I was preparing it, I was struck by what a beautiful, colorful, healthy looking dish I had created. About that same time, I noticed my digital camera sitting on the counter within arm's reach. I recorded that glorious culinary moment for posterity. If I remember, I'll try and post the picture on this site for you to see. I believe that if I can do that and you can look at it, we will have achieved an all-time low for the internet (that's saying something!), and by Jove, we'll have done it together!

I don't get out much.

In Memoriam

I must, once again, apologize for my lack of recent posts. I know I can't keep asking you to give me another chance, hurt you again, and expect you to remain mine. But you must know how much I love you. And I'm trying. I really am! You'll see.

That was today's shameless apology/exuse for not writing more often, and it was brought to you by the Pyramid, "Memphis' home for... umm... Memphis'... umm... pointiest building!"

The message of today's post is of a more serious nature than usual. This post is in memory of Paddy Kelly, owner and proprietor of Paddy's Memphis Pub, who died recently of a sudden heart attack (as I understand it). Paddy's is where I got my start as a stand-up comedian. No matter how far (or short) my funny thoughts might take me, no matter what twists and turns my comedic journey may take, it will always have started with Paddy. I will always be indebted to him for his willingness to say, "Yes! Do stand-up comedy at my bar," when no one else was saying it. I will always be indebted, too, for his 2-for-1 drink specials that loosened up my earliest audiences. I didn't know him well, but I'll always be indebted to him for opening the door for me and holding it open - patiently and gentlemanly - as I shuffled shyly through.

A comedy tribute to Paddy, which will raise money to be used charitably in his memory, is in the works. I'll keep you posted.

Have a wonderful day!

Alternative Sources

Hello there! My apologies for the way-too-large amount of time since my last post. I hope you haven't had to turn to alternative sources of entertainment to curb your craving for the ride.

Speaking of alternative sources, I think it's really time for us to stop talking and start working to find new energy. Gas prices are high and oil producing countries are unstable/unfriendly; we are far too dependent. What I'm wondering is why the people that have found so many sources of cooking oil can't help us find other places from which to get oils for fuel.

What am I talking about? Okay, I'll tell you.

They are able to find oil that can be used for cooking absolutely anywhere. Think about it. Vegetable oil? What is vegetable oil? When was the last time you bit into a carrot and hit an oily patch?

Corn oil? Same thing. And, to be honest, I don't even know what canola is.

How do they find this stuff? I guess companies just buy up tons and tons of vegetables and drill into them with tiny drills, hoping for a lucky strike. Pick the right stalk of broccoli or head of lettuce and... EUREKA! You've hit the mother load.

This all must have taken a great deal of creativity at some point back in the day. Let's fire the brains back up (using solar power, of course) and leave the Saudis to themselves.

Can somebody please tell me, what is a canola?

Milestones and Pontiffs

Congratulations! You did it. You helped this site reach the 1000 visitor mark. Special recognition goes to my friend Rachel who was the lucky visitor. I owe her a drink. Or so she tells me.

All I can say is keep visiting. If you do, I'll keep writing. Sometimes I'll even write things that are interesting. You'll see!

In other news, we have a new Pope. As I'm quite certain you already know, Pope John Paul II passed away recently. The College of Cardinals (Such a party school! I almost went there, but decided on UT Austin at the last second. Little known fact!) has elected his successor. Benedict the XVI is the man. I would have thought that John Paul III would have been the natural choice (I understand he's very upset.), but I guess that just shows how much I have to learn about this stuff.

Have a great day!

Four Digits, Travel, and a Big Mistake

Hi there! Well, we're almost there. Almost, that is, to the big 1-0-0-0 on the visitor counter. It's exciting to be nearing four-digit territory, even if the number has climbed painfully slowly since its humble beginnings in the single digits. Sure, most of the visits have been me, but not all of them, and that's what we should focus on as we near this milestone. Best of luck to all at being the 1000th. If you find that you are (you'll know because the counter will say 1000) post a comment to the latest post letting me know. You'll be eligible for many fabulous prizes.

Alright, settle down now. There's more here to enjoy than just exciting play-by-play coverage of this site's visitor count. I was on the road this weekend on a sort of ziggybackride history tour.

I left my hometown of Memphis, TN, where I grew up and live currently, on Friday and spent some time that afternoon in Jackson, MS, visiting my old office, co-workers, and friends there. I proceeded out of "urban Mississippi" and into the suburbs of Utica, MS, where I spent the night at Henry S. Jacobs Camp, where I have spent some significant portion of over 20 summers of my life, plus some time in the winter months, too. There, I helped staff a weekend event for 6th-8th graders from around the region. I woke up early Saturday morning and flew out of Jackson (the Utica airport just ain't what it used to be) to Austin, TX, where I visited with friends from the camp and from my days in school at UT Austin. That night, I attended a celebration for a student affairs professional that is retiring after a long tenure shaping student life at The University. It was great to have the opportunity to show him my appreciation and to see many very close friends who were there to do the same and with whom I hope to keep in better contact from now on (and I'm not just saying that because they might be reading this!). That night, I slept in the apartment of some camp friends who are in school at UT. It sounds like it's funny that I, a mildly successful 29 year old professional would crash on the couch of a college apartment, but in truth, they keep it far cleaner than I keep my house, so it was rather luxurious! I woke up Sunday morning at 5:00 a.m. and caught a shuttle to the airport, flew back to Jackson, got in my car, caught up with a bus of kids returning to Memphis from the camp weekend and traveled with them back to Memphis.

It was rather an elegant little travel plan that emerged from a marriage of my desire to get to Austin and my laziness that kept from me from finding someone else to chaperone the camp bus. It was a fun weekend!

Finally, the big mistake. I started watching the movie "The Neverending Story" last week. I'm still watching it. This story never ends!!! Just kidding, of course, but I have always found it funny in the video store that there is a Neverending Story II. How could you possibly need a sequel if the first one never ends? And how would anyone ever get around to watching it?

Dream Job? Really?

I am looking for a job. Not very actively, but I am looking. I am leaving my current post in June and I don't know what I'll do next. I'm interested in a lot of different possibilities and feel I have a lot of opportunities, so I'm not worried, but the situation has raised my interest in jobs and how to get them.

Naturally, my attention was drawn to an ESPN show called Dream Job, as I am not only a job seeker, but a sports fan. This is the 2nd season of Dream Job. In the first, sportscaster wannabes vied for an opening on the Sportscenter anchor team. My friend Micah came damn close to becoming a finalist in that competition, as a matter of fact, but I digress (surprise, surprise!). This second season of the show has former NBA players competing for the chance to be an NBA commentator for the network. Here's where I become confused and - I'm not gonna lie to you - somewhat angry.

Former NBA players are competing for a "dream job?" Are you kidding me? These guys made millions of dollars playing basketball. I'm sure you understand, but I feel the need to explain further. Their job - their whole job - was to be basketball players. That would qualify as quite close to dream job status even if they were making minimum wage for it, but they weren't. No, they were paid millions of dollars to play the game I love, and now, NOW, they are competing for a dream job?

So my first problem with this is the idea that we should get excited because one of these guys might finally get something we might consider a dream job. The second is that it's not like they are just average joes who happen to think they make good comments during basketball games (like George Costanza) and think they might make a good sportscaster if ever given the chance. As Jerry told George, "Those jobs are usually reserved for people who are in broadcasting or former athletes." To which George responded, "Well... that doesn't seem fair."

George may be right, but Jerry certainly was. Since when do retired professional athletes need a leg up over average guys to have a chance at sportscasting jobs? If ESPN wants to give away dream jobs, open it up to guys who don't already have a really good chance to get that exact job and who haven't already had what everyone else in the world would consider a dream job. Then I'll watch.

Good day to you.

I said good day!