I Love Sports, But...

How did NASCAR get so popular? I can't believe people watch this. You know what it is they're watching, don't you? They're watching traffic ! NASCAR happens everyday at rush hour in every city in America, yet racing fans still feel the need to watch it on t.v. and, even worse, buy tickets to see it live. I think I'll start selling tickets to people to sit on busy street corners everyday from 5 to 6 p.m. Now there's entertainment!

Some people change careers and move to different cities just to avoid a long commute. Race car drivers, on the other hand, choose to make a career out of the commute. Their goal - their professional lifetime goal toward which they devote significant time and effort - is to win rush hour. It's really a pretty noble pursuit!

Personally, I think racing should be a punishment. I think repeat speeding offenders should be sentenced to laps at various speedways. A couple of minor offenses and you find yourself doing a short race at a nearby speedway. Keep it up, though, and you end up in the Alcatraz of racing, the Daytona 500. Of course, if you're a bad enough driver - among the worst of the worst - you get the book thrown at you and you end up living out the rest of your days on pit row. Just sitting there, hoping to get that last-minute pardon call from the racing commission.

The Most Disturbing Thing In My House

Those who know me will vouch for me when I assert that I am not a neat freak. I'm not unsanitary, mind you, but I'm not always quick about discarding items that I could never possibly have use for again. As a result, I have some pretty funny, and sometimes disturbing things in my possession. The most disturbing, ironically, is one of the housekeeping implements that I, and hopefully you, own. The absolute most disturbing item in my house is the toilet brush. In a society where almost everything is available in a disposable form, we still keep this cheap piece of plastic that is used to scrape old, well, toilet contents, off the walls of the toilet because they didn't go away the first time we tried to get rid of them. It astounds, dumbfounds, and, yes, I would go so far as to say, flabbergasts me, just thinking about the fact that, as a society, we make a habit of keeping these things in our homes.

So I invite my fellow Americans... No! I invite all of humanity to join me in taking our disposable culture just one logical step further. Sure, it goes against all the reuse-reduce-recycle conservationist ideas that we have tried to build within ourselves to combat our wastefulness, but you know what? It just makes sense. I don't know how we missed it until now, but it is not too late. Join me! Make your house less disturbing by throwing away that repository of filth, stimulate the economy by buying a new one when your toilets are ready for their next cleaning, and in your own very small way, change the world!

Welcome Riders!

Welcome to ZiggyBackRide: The Ride of Your Life! I hope you find it entertaining, inspiring, sickening, maddening, or some other -ing word that keeps you coming back often.

Hang on tight, make sure your safety apparatus is engaged, and for heaven's sake, keep your arms and legs in! The ride is beginning...