The Journey Is The Thing

It started on September 1st of this year (see post from that day)and it ends tonight. As always, it has been glorious. I write, of course, about the football season for The University of Texas Longhorns.

This season has had its ups and downs as the team has experienced some growing pains. We* took losses against teams that we should have beaten (I'm talking about you, Kansas State, and you, too, A&M) and had some close calls against others. Of course, sometimes the close calls are where the magic happens. The comeback wins against Oklahoma State (again!) and Nebraska had me just as much on edge as any game in our national championship season two years ago.

In the end, only one team ** will win the national championship and the favorite team of almost every fan doesn't win it each year. But fans remain fans. We continue to care because every week there is a great story and a great battle. The worst teams have the chance to get a huge win. The best teams have the chance to march on toward history. There are berths in bowl games and slots in weekly polls to be earned. There's school pride. Recruiting battles. Rivalries. There are great comebacks, upsets (see this whole season), and unbelievable plays.

Today, I ate my last orange food of the 2007 college football season. As I write, I'm watching Texas play Arizona State in the Holiday Bowl, where both teams will end their seasons. The Horns won't be national champs this year, but it has been exciting and we seem to be on the way to yet another 10-win season and we will look forward to next year, when the journey begins anew. It will be a long eight months. Thank goodness for college basketball***.

* Some don't think anyone but coaches and players should use the pronoun "we" in reference to a sports team. I believe those people don't know what it means to be a real fan. Watching a game the way I do is hard work!
** If Hawaii should win the Sugar Bowl, it is possible that AP voters will choose to vote them national champions, creating a split title with the winner of the BCS Championship. There could be two champs.
*** My top 5 favorite sports to follow: 1) College Football; 2) College Basketball; 3) MLB; 4)NFL; 5)NBA (I still never did the list of favorite sports movies, but this is something, at least.)

An Outsider's Perspective

I hope everyone had a very nice Christmas and I hope that the spirit of the season - the giving, sharing, and fellowship - will not fade, but will last until next December and become even stronger as the years go by.

There are a few things about the big holiday and the way it is celebrated that I just simply do not understand. Stockings are a big one. It's a tradition whose roots and/or reasons don't occur to me automatically. Was there just a household, one time, that had nowhere to put the gifts?

"Honey, where can we put these? Oh wait, I know! Is there any extra footwear lying around?"

It does seem to have created a nice code word for crappy gifts: "stocking stuffer." Some stocking stuffers are nice gifts, but it's a very, VERY broad category! You know what I think makes the perfect stocking stuffer? A foot. Now that's something you don't want to wake up and find hanging from the mantle.

I like when people threaten children that they may get coal in their stockings. If I were a kid, I would certainly be tempted to say to my parent, "Fine! Put coal in my stocking. That's just what I want!" Because where the hell are they going to get coal? I mean, who has coal just lying around in case a kid is naughty?!?*

I'm also not too sure about the need to bring a tree into the house for a few weeks and I am absolutely unclear on the idea behind egg nog. Perhaps we'll discuss those next year.

* I would strongly caution children in West Virginia against this type of sass. They have coal in those parts.

Question of the Day/ A Legal Matter, Baby*

We haven't done one of these in a while. This one came to mind as I made a short drive from my home to my office during which I think I may have technically broken three traffic laws. It's also on my mind as I have done some year-end tax planning and, in researching some options, found out about things I'm supposed to have been doing, but did not previously know about. So here's the question...


Is it reasonably possible for an American to be a completely law-abiding citizen?

I love laws. I believe in them and their power to provide the framework for the society in which we wish to live. I believe in their ability to “establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity.”**

But do we have too many laws? Federal. State. Local. Tax. Civil. County. Traffic. Have we made so many rules about so many things that it is not even possible to follow them all?

This would make a good book - a citizen's quest to follow all the rules. It may already exist. If you know of any such work or of a situation in which following one law causes you to break another, please let us all know using the comment feature below. If you steal this idea and write the book, please send me a copy.

Those of you who worship in the shadow of the Cross should not let this question and the pondering thereof interfere with a wonderful Christmas. Everyone else... get on it!

* Title of this post comes from a song called “A Legal Matter,” by what I recall having been my very first favorite band, The Who.

** Quote is from the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution.

Fortunate Son

Got an interesting fortune from a cookie the other day. Ready?

An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly!

Have the fortune writers branched out from philosophical wisdom and obvious works of non-fiction (see fortune I received reading, "Everyone agrees. You are the best.")? Is science fiction the future of fortunes? Or will I come to wish that this fortune had been fiction? (Will we have to fight, once again, for our independence? Not from tyranny, oppression or persecution; from annihilation. We'll be fighting for our right to live. And should we win the day, the 14th of December will no longer be known as a ZiggyBackRide holiday, but as the day when the whole world declared in one voice, "We will not go quietly into the night! We're not going to vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on. We're going to survive. Today... we celebrate our independence day!*) Or maybe one wayward fortune writer just got hold of granny's cough syrup and wrote under the influence.

Just in case he was on to something and new friends from other planets are on the way, I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome them to the ZiggyBackRide, Earth's finest** blog! Enjoy your stay! Oh, and don't kill me.

More on aliens soon. Stay tuned.

*Adapted from President Whitmore's inspiring address to the ragtag group of fighter pilots preparing to take on alien invaders in the movie, Independence Day.

**According to a survey of the ZiggyBackRide staff.

And Now In Sports...

Welcome to ZiggyBackRide Sports, where you'll hear the ZBR take on major and exceedingly minor happenings in the world of sports. We turn first to Jewish men's league basketball, where Michael "Ziggy" Danziger is on two teams that are headed for the playoffs. Please note: every team makes the playoffs.

In the 30 and over league, my team is the number one seed in the tournament, looking to finish off the year with a championship. Playoffs began Sunday while my team enjoyed a bye week to prepare for our semi-final matchup next week. In the 18 and over league, my team ruined an unblemished record in our final regular season game by picking up our first win of the season. I've been on some very good teams and some very bad ones. This is a new low. Stay tuned for tourney progress.

And now, in college football: pairings for the BCS bowls were announced last night. Never has the case been more plainly stated for a college football playoff or, at least, a plus-one system. I have never really been in favor of a playoff for two main reasons. 1) It is hard to imagine college football being any more enjoyable than it already is. Sure, it's a wacky system, but it's still fantastic and the wackiness may, in fact, be part of the fun. 2) No system is perfect. Anyone who thinks a playoff won't cause controversy and will automatically crown the best team is kidding himself. (I'll concede here that, given two imperfect systems, it may be preferable for the matter to be settled on the field. Score one for the playoff.)

In college basketball, how about those Texas Longhorns? Having sent rookie of the year frontrunner, Kevin Durant, on to the NBA, the Horns are finding out just how much the rest of the team can do. Steadily climbing the rankings, they are undefeated with two wins over top 5 opponents. Maybe this is the year I get to see Texas and Memphis play for the national title. If only there were a BCS equivalent in basketball instead of that stupid tournament!*

And finally, speaking of tournaments, my comedy career has taken a turn for the odd. Or perhaps, I should say "odds." I will be emceeing Grand Casino - Tunica's Championship 100K Slot Tournament series beginning next Saturday. I have no idea how a slot tournament works or why anyone would want to be in one or how I will refrain from making fun of the event and its participants. I'll certainly keep you posted as this unfolds.

*I love the NCAA Basketball tournament. It is one of the greatest things in the world.

What A Rush!

My November/December Rush (see last post) is not off to the blistering start that I had imagined pre-Thanksgiving. Time to change that...

First of all, speaking of Thanksgiving, I hope yours was very good. As always, know that the staff here at ZiggyBackRide is very thankful for you. We enjoy the opportunity to share whatever the hell you would call the stuff that gets shared here with you, and look forward to doing so for a long time to come.

In other Thanksgiving related news, I made my triumphant return to the vegetarian comedy stage at an annual vegan Thanksgiving feast in Memphis. This was my second time performing for the Food Awareness organization's annual extravaganza and I was honored to be back. It is always a special privilege to be in the presence of a group that is as committed and effective as Food Awareness. As I told them, I'm so impressed with the work they've done: I spoke with a number of people in the days leading up to the event and every single one of them was, in fact, aware of food. Kudos to them for getting the word out.

In addition to the fine members of Food Awareness, I was honored to be in the presence of a lama, (No, not the misspelled animal, but a Tibetan monk. No, not the Dalai one, but seemingly a very good one.) who came to partake in the feast and funniness. As I recollect, that was my first performance before a lama. He seemed to enjoy himself and I assure you, I'm very much looking forward to future opportunities to make the lamas laugh.

November/December Rush

So begins a year-end onslaught of ZiggyBackRide posts. Break's over!

I saw August Rush the other night at a Memphis sneak preview showing. The trailer and commercials made it look like it was going to be a good movie. Several times during the film, itself, it looked as though it was about to get good.

It did not.

Just like when I saw The Village a couple of years ago, I couldn't stop laughing at the end. Just like The Village, August Rush is not a comedy. While I was laughing, I was worried that the others in my party (they were girls) were enjoying it and would be offended by my insensitivity.

They were not, and they were not, respectively (and, considering we all agreed on the movie, I was not. Got that?).

There was some decent music, there were good looking actors/actresses, there was a cute little kid in a supporting role. There were touching themes and moments, and a few humorous lines. Otherwise, it was crap. No part of the story was believable. Evidently, one Hollywood writer went on strike a little early.*

I just saw a commercial that quotes some reviewer as having said, "Audiences will stand and cheer." I don't recommend seeing this movie, but if you do, please let me know (via the comment feature)if the audience stands and cheers. Then, I will laugh again.

* It might have been two or three writers. However many wrote the movie, that's how many struck early, okay?

The American Product

In contrast to the last post concerning what Americans take in, look at this bright, shining example of what we put out. This really makes me laugh. Plus, it's a fine way to learn bad words in a foreign language (which, for some reason, is what we always end up asking anyone who has mastered another tongue).

I don't know if or how my posting this meshes with the last post. It may not quite live up to the lofty brainfood I envisioned, but as they say, Rome wasn't built in one blog post. Enjoy...

Video

I did sort of hope English would become one of the foreign languages within the song once this little ditty was translated. No dice.

By the way, in case you are not familiar with this and would like to see the English version, click here. It's not family-friendly.