So Much To Say, So Much To Say, So Much...

First, thanks to Dave Matthews for the title of this post. He's a hell of a writer.

How you doin'? It's been a while. Here's what I have to report, in short form. We'll see what elaboration my patience and perseverance will allow.

1) The day after posting the Wall Street Journal article about BrickBreaker addictions, I obliterated my old high score.
2) Days after the new high score, my Blackberry fell in a cup of Cherry Coke.
3) I am now the official, reigning "Funniest Jew in the Deep South."
4) The NCAA tournament starts today. That makes me very happy. I have picked Florida to win it.

Okay, here's the expanded version, by number, offering commentary on the above:

1) I was inspired by the scores that some of the subjects in the article had achieved. I had not previously imagined that my scores could be beaten so badly. Knowing that, I began to play with new boundaries in mind - perhaps no boundaries at all - and the result was strikingly different. I broke 31,000. More importantly, though, (and I know I'm pushing it to suggest that anything could be more important that my high score at BrickBreaker) I have to wonder if this sort of paradigm shift could make me exponentially more successful in other facets of my life. I suspect it could! Goodbye limits. Hello achievement! So...

2) I previously believed that dropping a Blackberry in cherry cola would break it. Having learned my BrickBreaker lesson, I tossed that limiting assumption aside and let the device plunge right into the beverage. Turns out some limiting assumptions are true. (I didn't really do it on purpose. I'm not dum.)

3) I probably mentioned the Funniest Jew in the Deep South competition some time last Fall, which is when it was supposed to take place. It was postponed until last weekend in New Orleans. Sponsored by a Jewish Mardi Gras organization (which is funny because, as I understand it, Mardi Gras is only important because of where it falls in the calendar of Catholicism), the finals were held at a synagogue. I was one of three finalists and was proud to take home the title. It's very prestigious. I mean, if there's one thing the Deep South has always been known for, it's funny Jews.

Now stay tuned for the first photo I have ever posted on this site. I was supposed to put up a picture of my dinner that I wrote about a year or so ago, but didn't get around to it. If you don't see a pic in this post, then I have failed and BrickBreaker has taught me nothing. The picture you should be seeing is regular reader, Jeff, another friend, Jeff, and me with my certificate. On the certificate, my name is misspelled, which I think makes it perfect. I'm going to put in another picture, now that I (think I) know how to do it and let you see for yourself.


















You can sort of see (right) that my last name is spelled DanSiger. Close, but no ziger. Okay, enough about this, but rest assured, I will keep you posted about my life as the Funniest Jew in the Deep South!

4) It's March Madness. I once again find myself in the position (see last March) of having two personal favorites in a position to make a run at this thing: Texas and Memphis. I believe, going into the tournament that Texas is being overrated a little thanks to superstar, Kevin Durant. I don't think they are a solid enough team to do what many are predicting, but it's possible. They could beat anyone in this tournament AND they could lose to a lot of teams. Memphis is flying under the radar, underrated a litte thanks to their incredibly weak conference schedule. No one really knows how they'll do against good teams. Like Texas, they could win or lose against any good team. Their athleticism and depth are huge positives. Their free throw shooting, a huge negative that could cost them in a close one. I'd love to see them play Ohio State. I'm not thrilled about Texas A&M. So what am I predicting?

I filled out a bracket quickly yesterday, just giving game-by-game gut reactions (mostly). I wound up with a Final Four of UCLA, North Carolina, Florida, and Memphis. It was tough picking UCLA over Kansas and tough picking Memphis to get out of its regional, but I saw what UCLA could do defensively last year and I know Memphis can win those games if they're on. That's a predicting/hoping pick.

I have Florida as champs, which is also tough. Hard to believe they could repeat in this just after winning the football championship, but alas, this is its own event and, game by game, they were my pick. I'm tempted to go back in and make last-minute changes, but I'll stick with my gut. A gut isn't just born the size of mine. There's got to be something to it.

The End Is Near

Yesterday I bought a dress. For me. The end is, indeed, near. The end of the Purim season, that is. Purim, the Jewish holiday being celebrated this weekend, has ruled my life during these weeks each of the last 7 years, which made good sense when I was the youth director of a large synagogue. It's somewhat more puzzling now, but it's the case, nonetheless.

It occurs to me that I've not yet explained the dress. Monday night, I will be performing in Temple Israel's annual Purimspiel, a frivolous retelling of the Book of Esther (the story of Purim). I'll be playing a lady, competing in a pageant to be the new queen of Persia. I can't tell you whether or not I win the pageant (don't want to ruin the show for you), but I can tell you that I am quite the looker in my Purim lady getup!

Before I can be a lady, though, I'll be directing the kids' Purimspiel, "Candy Store: The Sweetest Purim Story Ever Told," which I wrote. It stars forty 4th, 5th, and 6th graders and should be fun. It will be performed Sunday morning and if the old saying that bad rehearsals make for good shows is true, this will be the greatest play ever staged!

The Runnin' Rabs finished their fifth season with a hard-fought victory the other night. Final record for the season 4-6-1. That may be the most wins we've ever compiled in a season. Interestingly enough, it is tied for the most ties ever. This league has ties. I love that!

Black Snake Moan, a movie filmed in Memphis and directed by Memphis native, Craig Brewer ("Hustle and Flow") opens around the country tonight. I'm torn on whether to see it. I want to. I hear it's good. I'm still smarting, though, from the "audition" process. (See archives for "Hollywood Tears Me A New One" post from August 22, 2005) I want to see a good movie and want to support local artists and Memphis's burgeoning film industry, but I'm really not sure I can drop the grudge and pay the people who made it. Not sure I would feel right sitting on my "new one" for this picture.

Speaking of the end is near, did you see the Texas/Texas A&M game the other night? Excellent game! So much fun to watch. Just what I needed to get ready for the rest of this month and the college basketball excitement it shall provide. Long game, though. The end kept being near. Then it kept moving further away. Double overtime! That league should think about having ties!

Brick House

Evidently, I am not alone in my ongoing passion for the game, BrickBreaker. Thanks to regular reader and brother, David, for the following link to a Wall Street Journal article documenting the phenomenon...

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB117167900477311964.html

Just so you know where I fall in relation to the subjects of the article. My high score is 25,915 and my addiction, like the guys in the article (I think they were all guys. Surprised?), is trying to beat that number. A few days ago, I finished a game at 25,865. It was heart-wrenching.

And then I realized it was a game of BrickBreaker.

And then it was REALLY heart-wrenching.

Our Leaders and Our Lives

Well, it's the season that long time readers know I love - the Valentine's Day/Presidents' Day stretch of February. In the past, I have paid tribute to both of these holidays and, quite feebly, to the leaders in whose honor we celebrate Presidents' Day. I have shared Presidential quotes with you before and I shall do so now.

Some of our Presidents have uttered words that their contemporaries/constituents must have found inspirational and that continue to illustrate high ideals of great people in a great nation to this day.

"One man with courage is a majority." - Thomas Jefferson
"Character is the only secure foundation of the state." - John Calvin Coolidge
"There is nothing wrong in America that cannot be fixed with what is right in America" - William Jefferson Clinton

Others have spoken words that remind us, sometimes all too vividly, that our Commanders-in-Chief are, despite their high place, as human as any person in any station...

"As to the Presidency, the two happiest days of my life were those of my entrance upon the office and my surrender of it." - Martin Van Buren
"Politics, when I am in it, makes me sick." - William Howard Taft
"I like the job I have, but if I had to live my life over again, I would like to have ended up a sports writer." - Richard Milhous Nixon
"Rarely is the question asked, 'Is our children learning?'" - George Walker Bush

And sometimes our Presidents called things the way they were at the time, only to see the future severely alter the truth of their musings...

"Good ball players make good citizens." - Chester Alan Arthur

In these days between Lincoln's birthday and Washington's, let us honor the memories and the efforts of all those who've led our nation. Hail to the Chieves! (I just decided that's the appropriate plural for chief. Makes sense - think leaf, loaf, thief, etc.)

In other news, I periodically - and probably more often than most - find myself involved in moments about which I can stop and wonder, "What am I doing here?" or "How is this my life?" or "Really? I mean... REALLY?" This morning, I experienced a number of those moments in a short span of time as I found myself back at White Station High School, my alma mater, judging the 31st annual Queen of Clubs pageant, a contest between young women, each of whom was representing one of the school's many clubs. It was funny to be back, to be part of that world again for a moment, and to see what entertained the auditorium-full of current high schoolers.

While most of my friends were at work, I was scoring high school kids on their club-related original costumes (like the Latin Club's "L.A. Tin Man" or the Jewish Student Association's "Darth Seder"), their poise in evening gowns, and their various talents (including the girl that solves a Rubik's Cube in two minutes). I guess I can not fully and properly explain how strange my life is sometimes. I really wish I had a tv camera following me around all the time. Then you could see for yourself. It would be such a great, hilarious, touching, and gripping show! Yes, it is a strange life, but fantastic. "Do as much as you can with the time that you have in the place where you are." (That is not mine. More on that in a future post.) Direct a children's play, sing in a Jewish rock band, do stand-up comedy, work hard, judge pageants, coach basketball, be entertained... whatever your list of "stuff" is, do it. All together, that stuff becomes a life filled with memorable moments, and you can never have too many of those. For as FDR said, "Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort."

Fear Not

ZiggyBackRide looks a little different. I was forced to switch to the "new Blogger," which claims to be better in every way possible. We shall see. Just wanted you to know that, even though the packaging has changed, you can expect the same great products at the same great prices, delivered with the same great service as always*.

* Just to clarify, for those who fear they have been missing out: there are no products or prices, and there - sure as hell - is no service to be found here. But everything else was absolutely sincere. Have a nice day!

The 24 Funniest Months in the History of My Whole Life

Today is the 2nd anniversary of my first stand-up comedy performance and what a glorious first two years it has been. I estimate that I have performed around 100 times since then. Maybe more, maybe less. I'm a comedian, not a mathematician. Jeez! Chill out.

It has certainly been an exciting ride. From the first five minutes at Paddy's Pub two years ago to New York, and Cairo, IL with the Municipal Gas Operators Safety Association Number 3 to the title of "Funniest Person in Memphis," and being published in The Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes, it has been thrilling.

It has also been interesting and funny living life as a comedian. Interactions with people change instantaneously when they learn my dirty little secret (the fact that I'm a comic, of course!). Either they clam up, nervous that I will use the contents of our conversation to embarrass them at my next show, or they look at me expectantly, waiting for the funniness (which I am, of course, saving for the stage). When they don't get it, they leave thinking, "Huh, he didn't seem like a comedian. Remind me to not go see him." My favorite reaction, I think, is when people do want me to use them in my show. "You can make fun of me!" they tell me. Or, after regaling me with (what are usually hideously long-winded, boring) stories, they end them with, "You can use that if you want!" In these two short years, I have yet to "want." But to those people (none of whom ever read this. This site's readers are, at all times, concise and entertaining in their storytelling.), I do wish to say thank you, anyway. I appreciate your support and your offers of help.

Stick with me for year 3. I look forward to sharing it with you. Just don't expect me to be funny. It's for the stage, remember?

Define Aggression

Violence has erupted at the Temple Mount in Jerusalem. Not surprised yet? Me neither. Israel has begun work restoring an earthen ramp that leads to the Al Aqsa mosque, Islam's 3rd holiest site. The ramp was damaged in a 2004 snow storm. Hundreds of angry protesters have barricaded themselves inside the mosque after scuffling with police officers. I'm sure that will turn out well. Mind you, Israel has an excellent record of preserving holy sites of all faiths. That seems to have been forgotten by Raed Salah, a leader of the Islamic movement in Israel, who had this to say (regarding the repair of an earthen ramp, taking place some 60 yards from the holy compound), "The aggression happening now is a tragedy, a crime." He accused Israel of launching "a regional, religious war."

That's a great characterization of the situation, Raed! On behalf of the world, thank you for your inspirational leadership. Thank you for using your razor-sharp powers of observation and your enviable ability to say it like it is to point your people in the right direction. I'm sure there's no better way for them to spend their time than throwing rocks at police who are protecting workers who are fixing a path that leads to your holy site. That aggression IS a crime! It warms my heart to think of brighter days to come with you leading the charge. Well done, sir!

In other news, but definitely aggression related, much has been made of the diaper-wearing astronaut who traveled across this great land of ours to frighten, mame, or possibly kill a woman she perceived as a threat to her potentially adulterous more-than-friendship-but-less-than-romance romance with another astronaut. It's a hell of a story, and I've heard a lot of angles taken with it. The diaper, of course. The craziness of it all. The impact of the astronaut life that may have caused some of this behavior. The families. The disguise. The list goes on and on.

What I haven't heard anyone comment on significantly is the similarity that this all bears to the Chevy Chase classic comedy, "Vacation." The arduous cross-country car trip - how did National Lampoon not think of the diaper possibility? Shame on them. The affair - remember Christie Brinkley in that movie? I believe that if that late night swim had gone any further, we may have seen Beverly D'Angelo's Ellen Griswold go astronautical on Brinkley. That would have been something! Finally, the BB gun. The astronaut lady traveled across the country to accost her competition with a BB gun. A BB gun! She works for NASA for crying out loud! Does she not have access to any more powerful technology than the Red Rider air rifle that Ralphie so badly wanted in A Christmas Story? What else did she take? A sling shot? A pea shooter? A candlestick? I can only assume that she saw and was in awe of the power that Clark W. Griswold had over a frightened John Candy when he brandished a BB gun upon finding out that Wally World was closed (Moose outside shoulda told you).

This would make a great next installment in the series. Space Vacation. "Look kids! Saturn. Its moons." Load up the wood-paneled Griswold Family Truckster space shuttle!

Cool Nerdiness and Counters

It snowed in Memphis last night. Memphis, TN is a winter wonderland. There's a nice powder - maybe 2 inches worth - on cars and grass, with a light residue of snow on some streets. Yes, and here's where it gets funny for our northern friends, all the schools are cancelled. Today is a day when you can tell who has a garage and who doesn't. I am a "has not" on that one and, as such, my car is still wearing a yarmulke (a Jewish skullcap) of snow. I discovered, as I was driving through it last night, that when large flakes of snow are falling at night, if you turn your brights on while driving through it, it looks like you are in an old space movie - Star Wars, Star Trek, etc. - and you just went into hyperdrive and all the stars are flying past. It's pretty nerdy and, of course, in inclement weather more than ever, the car is not a toy. Please do not endanger yourself in order to confirm my observation. Take my word for it.

You know how I always like to keep an eye on the visitor counter for this site? I alert you when we are nearing milestone visitor numbers like 10,000 (see "Myria Madness" post from a couple months ago). Yes, indeed! I do love to watch a visitor counter. However, you may not know that I do not only watch them on my own site. I like to keep tabs on others, as well, and I want to let you know that a huge milestone is approaching for one of my favorite sites on the internet. The Hungersite (www.thehungersite.com) allows visitors to click daily and for each unique visitor's click, sponsors donate 1.1 cup of staple foods to someone in need through organizations like America's Second Harvest. So, to recap, it doesn't cost a visitor anything, but a click to give food to the hungry. Excellent! They even have a store where they sell fair trade goods, jewelry, clothing, etc. A lot of the stuff makes great gifts and for each purchase, more food gets donated. I visit daily and I hope you will, too. Especially right now, because The Hungersite is nearing 500,000,000th click! It could be you. If it's not, keep clicking anyway!